March 28, 2024, 05:23:15 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Birthday Party

Started by holliberri, February 05, 2011, 06:07:56 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

lancaster lady

I know we MIL's do get it wrong sometimes .
Most of all we like to be included ,maybe as you're so busy HB she thought she was doing you a favour .
Where she went wrong was she should have asked YOU first and foremost what your plans where  before going off to invite the world and his wife .

seasage

Pen, you summed it up perfectly.  I love your attitude and wisdom.

1Glitterati

Quote from: pam1 on February 07, 2011, 11:29:46 AM

Thank you for bringing that to my attention.  I sent off for the tadpoles on their behalf.  Pffft, she should know better, the kid is turning 10 and they spent 5k.  Yeah, you heard me.  And she's complaining about it to me.  When I turned 10 my Dad gave me a dollar and told me I was old enough to ride my bike to 7/11 on my own. 

Holli, I think you've been extraordinarily kind regarding this.

I can't even wrap my mind around that.  Not at all.  I thought I was big timing it for the oldest when he had a party at the theatre and had a big theatre to himself and a bunch of his friends w/popcorn and slushies.

holliberri

Quote from: Pen on February 07, 2011, 03:49:32 PM
Regarding the placating/understanding discussion, IMHO it depends on what is in your heart when you offer "the bone." Are you grumbling and stomping around, with an attitude? Do you dislike your MIL and think anything she wants is stupid? Or do you understand that some people have different needs and want to feel helpful?

LL: they still have China painting parties? DH's family has a set. It's beautiful and one of the GGMILs painted the set throughout many parties. They're gorgeous. Such an heirloom!

Pen: It was my original idea, since she has expressed wanting to be more involved. I figured that was what parties are for: cake and decorations. It seemed like a great idea to include her and have some one on one time with her.  But, when her expectations are that high and I just can't meet them, my original idea appears to be "placating" does it not? I had no ill intentions and I wasn't griping about it...it was simply part of my plan. I, like you, am a little afraid of having my intentions misinterpreted; I wouldn't want anyone (especially not her, as I think that would make the problem bigger) to think I was just throwing her a bone. I just can not accomodate the sort of party she was intent on having.

I've never been allowed to say, "Hey...why don't we do this?" or "Can you maybe help with this?" or "I wasn't sure, but what did you think?" She beats me to the punch everytime with her ginormous plans for my life and my DD.

This party was a little abstract until this weekend. 4 months away is an eternity for me...and I'm already exhausted thinking about it. It's a little unfair b/c it's supposed to be about my DD, not her. Instead, already, this entire party has become about what she is and isn't getting. Ladies, I'm going to move onto other topics here. I don't want to pile on my MIL AND I don't want to dwell on it. The only one it's hurting (REALLY) is not my MIL but my DD, even if she is an infant. I can't lose sight of the fact that the party is for her and only her...not me and not my MIL.  I'll see you on the other boards!  :)

seasage

Sweet holliberri,

I was part of that piling on for you.  I sincerely apologize.  Enjoy your much-deserved peace.

Pen

Oh Holli, I wasn't talking about your handling of the situation - I think you are amazing! I was addressing some of the other posts that were sounding a little mean. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

FAFE

HB, one of these days you will get to chose her nusring home!  LOL!  I have a great MIL and my SIL and I did pick out the Assisted Living Facility for both of the inlaws. 

LaurieS

And off we go to ponder the wise words of Miss Scarlett O'hara:
"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."