June 24, 2019, 09:35:07 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Why DILs Do What We Do & Why

Started by lovelyd, February 04, 2011, 05:02:42 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Faithlooksup

I'm staying out of this one....I plead the fifth... ;D

luise.volta

Oh, Faith...if you've had a Fifth, you'd better lie down!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lovelyd

Luise,

Maybe  you should have quoted the entire sentence. That would have helped. You only quoted that last part. I really was responding to what one of the MILs said about the relationship she has with her DIL. I was keeping an open mind in doing so. Its not like I would say DILs are monsters for nothing. So, quote the whole thing please.

Also, I don't think I'm "taking you on". I'm simply responding to your comments just like everyone is responding to mine. I think I've be doing that in a very respectful way actually. If I'm being disrespectful please let me know. I've already  mentioned some of the things I've done wrong, and not afraid to do again, IF that's the case. I don't think I'm being rude, however, I do know the rule of the Killer Queen Bees. Its your Bee Hive. Now you know how I feel.

LaurieS

Quote from: lovelyd on February 06, 2011, 03:00:53 pm
1. Laurie, I have set up boundaries for myself. My two week rule is one of them, like I said it was a compromise from her wanting to stay for 3 months. If shes mad at me for only allowing two weeks, imagine how she would feel if I only let her stay for a weekend. I don't want to drive two hrs with three children (all my children are under 3 yrs old). Two hr drive isn't exactly practical when you have children that age. Also, she lives in a small one bedroom studio. How would that work?

Lovelyd - You set up a limitation which is fine, but not one that you thought you could live with? A compromise of I'll just hate her being here for two weeks not 3 months?  To each their own Lovelyd

Lovelyd - I don't think you want to really find a compromise or anything that would give this a chance.. and that is entirely your option.. you dread her and her visits, your mind is made up.. so you really aren't looking for viable options are you Lovelyd?

Once again Lovelyd, I am speaking only for myself but what do you think you will accomplish at this site if you have  your opinions set in concrete already.  Did you feel that we are just floundering in mil muck and you needed to explain things to us?

Lovelyd - one of the biggest differences here is almost all of us are working on solutions, you're working on erecting the headstone.  I personally had a great relationship with my own mil (yes I had one) matter of fact I introduce her as my mom, I never really thought to make her stand behind a title... so I know it can work.. maybe not for everyone but if you stop trying then yes it's done, dead....over.

And I do understand what a queen bee is and does.. but I took your suggestion and looked it up anyway.. what I didn't know until I read is that she is only different from all the other little bees because she is fed royal jelly.. did someone feed you royal jelly at some point?

LaurieS


Faithlooksup

Silly again Luise....But I think I will go lay down anyways... ;D ;)

LaurieS

I'll take your fifth and double it... I have to go cook dinner.. how I wish someone would come over  and do it for me.. I'd surrender in a heartbeat.

Faithlooksup

OK Ladies, lets all calm down and keep it Nice....Go have a Fifth and you will feel better... ;)

pam1

Oh wow, I did not marry a guy b/c of his mother.  Well, I'm not sure if it is to fair to say it was strictly b/c of his mother but their relationship.  And granted, I had the ring on for a total of 18 hours so I tend to forget I was even engaged to that weenie.  lol

I think I talked about her before on here, she asked me about my reproductive system over dinner in front of all his family.  Yikes, I'm starting to wonder if I had better common sense when I was younger.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pen

As Tom Waits said, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

IMHO:

Lovelyd can invite her MIL for long weekends 4X a year and let go of the two week thing. A two hour drive is nothing where I'm from - we have to drive two hours to get to anything worthwhile, LOL.

Lovelyd can let her MIL help in the kitchen from time to time.

Lovelyd can try to understand that she "chose" this MIL, yet her MIL didn't have a choice in the DIL she ended up with.

Lovelyd can set appropriate boundaries with kindness and appreciation for the woman who raised a great DH.

Again, just my opinion.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lovelyd

Wow Laurie, I really got you hot and bothered today didn't I?? I guess I could go down the list and respond to each of your comments, but frankly I don't feel like it. I've already responded to you several times. I've made my points, answered your questions, admitted my wrongs. At this point to go back and forth with someone on the internet would be a waiste of my time. Beside you said thats not what this website is for.

And yes, I used to looove jelly with my toast when I was a kid (my mom gave it to me) Very funny btw. However there is way more to being a Queen Bee than that which is why I think it's a fair comparison for many MIL/DIL relationships. But if you don't get it, then you don't get it.


LaurieS

No sorry you didn't get me hot and bothered, but thanks for caring.

I for the life of me do not get why someone has to be the superior, the chief, or the commander, much less the queen bee, in a relationship.  But as I said if you are not looking for ways to make your relationship better for everyone then I don't see the point. 

You know yourself that relationships evolve, and constantly change.. but it does sound like you've made your decision and nothing but nothing will work and ahhhh she'll always be the dreaded one.. hope you find what you're looking for on this site..

luise.volta

I see that I did copy a copy instead of the responding to the original post but I don't see a lot of difference. We seem to have started repeating ourselves here. Also I don't know that I have been painted as the Queen Bee or Killer Bee before. And frankly, I don't get it about the Royal Jelly. Do you mean she is just like every other bee except for that? Is that to bring me down to size? When I say "don't take me on because you aren't going to win...it's my Web-site", I am just saying back off if you want to stay. OK? I tried to cheer you up with my "shark infested waters" post and even that didn't work. It gave you a chance to tell all of us that the sharks would be no match for your MIL. Frankly, I'm weary of this. With that I am going to close this thread because I can. Faith is right, time to change the subject, take five and move on to some other posts.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama