Need Opinion from MILs and DILs

[luise.volta]

I am incredibly good of thinking of sharp responses...(the next day...) 

[Mama Tani]

Dear Saadmom, I have posted for the first time today!  It is wonderful seeing so many women band together to support each other.  I am a MIL.  First, I want to say how sorry I am that you are having this problem.  It is indeed sad!!!  I think many MILs would feel blessed to have a DIL so diligent to have a relationship with her...thank you so much for your efforts!  Here goes my advice?  I would see if your husband would be willing to stand beside you by not going, since you and your children were not invited...this would speak louder than words to his parents!  If not, have you tried to hit the nail on the head and speak directly to your MIL/FIL and tell her/him your feelings (using logic and keeping cool)?  I know this would work with me....but you may have already tried this.  I will tell you that emotions can make us more sensitive than it merits at times; yet, in your case I think I would feel the same.  I would suggest you don't give up..but stand your ground.  A hard balance to maintain.  I realize this is not helpful... but hang in there!  The concern I have the most for you is the conflict and stress this has brought on your relationship with your husband.  He sounds like he has never stood up to his parents...this leaves you hanging on a limb without a ladder.  I believe that your relationship with your husband and his family is very important to you... or the pain would be nonexistent.  Keep your relationship strong with your DH.  I think if you had truly given up...we would not be reading your blog!  I feel this outreach shows you care!  Know that trying will be seen by others... and may grow fruit.  Is there anyone else in HIS family that you can build a relationship with; that can help you mold into the family?  What about other kids that can hang-out with your children...children can be very giving.  Good-Luck! 

[Nana]

I loved this post saad mom....and I enjoyed (like in a movie) how your husband open up to you and most important, supported you.  I guess deep down he never lost hope that things would change and we can see he doesnt like confrontations. 

You are a very good person...and better than I (just as Laurie said). You have taken a lot of this trash fron in-laws  I would have not been able to control myself.   Your patience produced good seed, now your husband admires you (we all do lol).

Luise....I loved the "planting oneself where we can grow" awesome...   

Saad Mom.... Let go of all those who dont love you.  Learn to live with what you have and you will be fine.  You are losing nothing, because your mil has nothing to give.  Sorry it turned out this way, you deserved more.  How many mil's would love having a dil who really cared about them.   

Good luck

Nana

[AnonymousDIL]

If not, have you tried to hit the nail on the head and speak directly to your MIL/FIL and tell her/him your feelings (using logic and keeping cool)?  I know this would work with me....but you may have already tried this.   

I'm too logical for my own good lol and my MIL is NOT logical at all. Can I adopt you? lol

[Pooh]

If not, have you tried to hit the nail on the head and speak directly to your MIL/FIL and tell her/him your feelings (using logic and keeping cool)?  I know this would work with me....but you may have already tried this.   

I'm too logical for my own good lol and my MIL is NOT logical at all. Can I adopt you? lol

Me too ADIL, except I'm too logical and my DIL is unemotional...does that count?  And Nana, like always...is my hero!

[AnonymousDIL]

Like sociopathic unemotional? Because that would be scary! lol I'm not "unemotional," but my MIL would probably say that I am because I did not lose my cool or give an emotional response when she was trying to manipulate me into having SIL as a bridesmaid.

[pam1]

I'm unemotional and cold lol.  It's amazing how people will perceive you, especially when they dislike you.  I never realized being respectful of others feelings was unemotional.

[Pooh]

Lol.  Not unemotional in that sense.  Unemotional in that she doesn't care if she hurts anyone else as long as she is getting her way. 

[pam1]

Just curious, but does she work Pooh?

[Pooh]

She does.  Her Father helped her get an internship at a very, well known company.  He has worked there for 30 years.  They offered her an internship while she was attending College at the same time, with the option to hire her full-time after she graduates.  It's a great job, and pays well.  She's making more than I do working 3 days a week and stands to make a great salary if she stays there.  It is a good place to work, and I am very glad she she got it.  My DS had the same arrangement with another company and was doing well.  They bought a house last year, and started having financial problems.  I don't know the details (because I didn't ask), but the house was not new, and I have been told after they moved in, they had multiple problems with things at the house that were expensive.  So my son quit college, at her urging, and started working full time.....I'm not going there......

[AnonymousDIL]

I don't know the details (because I didn't ask), but the house was not new, and I have been told after they moved in, they had multiple problems with things at the house that were expensive.  So my son quit college, at her urging, and started working full time.....I'm not going there......

That stinks! DH and I had a contract on our dream home (Well within our comfortable price zone), but before closing we found out it needed a LOT of work that would have to be escrowed. We could have still afforded it, but money would have been soooooo tight, I wasn't willing to risk it. It needed... A new roof, new sliding glass door, 2 new windows, new plaumbing, new electrical work to get it up to code, a new driveway, and who knows what else. So glad we were able to get out of the contract. The house we bought now is great! :-) (except for the Grinch-Green kitchen that I desperately want to paint! lol)

[pam1]

Yeah, I was wondering.  Since her father helped her get a job it sounds like their values are more like "get ahead at all costs"  Yikes. 

[cd1029]

If only his name is on the invite, then only he is invited.

Do you want to go to this event?

You might consider what others have suggested which is to plan a great day for yourself and the children and stop going to any events with his family and stop having them come to your home.

You are being disrespected and if that is okay with your husband, that is a sad thing indeed.

And you have to ask yourself why you stay with a man who doesn't respect you.  That is your part in all this.

You can't change their behavior or attitudes, but you can change yourself.

Ask yourself 'what do I deserve?  what am I willing to settle for?'

Because you are settling.

[cd1029]

" He is a great husband, and that is why I have put with this situation for so long. But at this point it is affecting our relationship, I'm resenting him...."

How do you describe a great husband?  One who doesn't stick up for you?  One who puts his parents before you?

I wouldn't describe that as great at all.

[cd1029]

"Talked about calling them on Sunday (today), and I told him I will call them if he did not feel comfortable."

Why would you call them?  ARe you doing your part to treat him like a child who can't speak for himself?