Need Opinion from MILs and DILs

[LaurieS]

I see Saadmom saying that a relationship with dh's family would be nice but not required.. but that she is fully fed up with dh smiling like an idiot as he is refusing to see how cruel his parents are being to his wife and their children.  To try and convince her that everything is ok.. that it's just their way etc is a slap in the face.  I can see why she is feeling resentful towards him.. his parents are secondary, it's him that is showing a lack of concern for her... He has devalued her as a partner in order to straddle that fence a little longer.

[stilltryen]

Put the invitation back into the envelope, reseal it and write across the front, "No longer at this address," and send the bloody thing back.  If they call DH and say anything, just look at him and say, "It was an invitation to a family reunion that I wasn't invited to.  I've been married to you for 15 years, if I'm not part of the family, then neither are you, so I sent it back."  Glare at him for a long solid moment to get your point across, then add, "And if I ever get anything else from your family addressed to only you, it will be sent back again.  We are partners in this marriage and I will be treated as such.  Am I making myself clear on this subject?"

[holliberri]

Oh, now I like that, StillTryen...

[Pen]

Good one, ST!

[luise.volta]

Perfect!

[SaadMom]

I see Saadmom saying that a relationship with dh's family would be nice but not required.. but that she is fully fed up with dh smiling like an idiot as he is refusing to see how cruel his parents are being to his wife and their children.  To try and convince her that everything is ok.. that it's just their way etc is a slap in the face.  I can see why she is feeling resentful towards him.. his parents are secondary, it's him that is showing a lack of concern for her... He has devalued her as a partner in order to straddle that fence a little longer.

Laurie, you got it; that's exactly how I feel!

stilltryen It's done, I'll mail it first thing tomorrow. Thank you for the suggestion!

Thank you Ladies you are great!

[LaurieS]

I saw that you are online and thought I'd check to see if you were feeling any better today.  I know it's hard to be caught in the middle of the 'what should I do world'.. and sometimes just getting angry is enough for dh to sit up and take notice that fun and games is over.  I do hope for the sake of your marriage, your kids, and yourself that your dh does see the position that he has helped to put you into.  Keep up posted on your progress.

[SaadMom]

Thank you Laurie, you are a Sweetheart!

Yes, everything is going OK. I did inform DH my plans of returning the invitation (afterall was his, not mine ) and he agreed.
He expressed how disappointed he was about his parents behavior, but tried to minimize it because did not want me to feel "worst"
Talked about calling them on Sunday (today), and I told him I will call them if he did not feel comfortable. But he agreed that it was different to ask WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME than to let them  know how hurt and insulted he was when he received an invitation that did not include his wife. My only request was for him to be respectfull as always (and he did). He though I was so strong all this years because I hardly said anything about their behavior and like me he was hoping for them to "change" somehow.... He did call today, and did not go well. MIL did not say anything and told him she was on her way out!

P.S. Sorry about the past and present talking. Trying to keep you posted about two different events

[LaurieS]

You guys aren't going to change her overnight.. but this gave you an opportunity to lay out your feelings.. in that respect it went well.  Glad there were some positives in the outcome.. as I said.. keep us posted, we're all behind you.

[lancaster lady]

Now she knows how you both feel ..and DH has finally realised how you feel.hopefully from now on he will support you . Give her something to.think about....especially coming from her DS ..changed days ahead hopefully ..

[Pooh]

I say, "Woo Hoo" for DH!  He stepped up, validated your feelings and let his Mother know it was hurtful.  Now the ball is in her court to hear it and do something about it.  But what a big step for you and DH!  Progress!!!!!  Yay!

[holliberri]

I think that's great that he called her...at the very least, he called her out on her behavior. At least that points out that it's unacceptable to him. I don't know if things will get better with that side of the family (although I hope they do), but I see that your DH definitely stands by his wife! A very good thing!

[luise.volta]

I know DH couldn't and shouldn't say this but I would have had to stuff a pumpkin in my mouth not to say to her..."That's right. Glad you got it. You are on your way out!"

[holliberri]

Luise...times like this I wish I had a "promote" button for comments. That's great!

[SaadMom]

Luise: I couldn't stop laughing after reading your comment!
I could imagine her face, but DH is not as sharp as you ..... 
HUGS