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Who does that????

Started by pam1, February 02, 2011, 05:03:16 PM

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LaurieS

I don't like having people dictate when I'm going to be some place and who I'm going to spend it with.. maybe that is why I've never played that game with my kids..  ok I did once a year make them go to dinner on Christmas Eve with this little old man who I use to help out.. he was so generous with my family that if this made his holiday, by god my kids would know how darn good it felt to give back.. but I also made them go to the dentist.. now as adults if their teeth fall out of their mouths I'll say something but it's entirely their responsibility and they will live with the consequences.

AnonymousDIL

Quote from: Laurie on February 17, 2011, 10:56:01 AM
A lot of this might just be how you're perceiving what is being said.. not everything may be intended as a way to find fault

As usual, you are right. I know that I have so much pent up resentment for her so anything she says that is even slightly negative I tend to take more personally. In actuality, since the new year she has been much better.  :) But we still don't see eye to eye on most things. Since she is such a formidable woman, I do my best to "avoid" talking to her so there won't be any potential arguments.

Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. You'd think I sacrificed her firstborn in some kind of devil worship! She laid in to me for that one. It was then that I realized the only thing "private" in the family was the thoughts that I didn't verbalize lol

I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol


holliberri

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 AM
Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol

My MIL already bought the lot out behind her house for us. Send your MIL over to her place. They can commune together.

Pooh

Ha ha.  Let's see, I suck it up and go because sometimes, even though I don't want to, it's the right thing to do.  Because my presence at some things, makes someone else feel special and thought of.  Ummm...because I thought it was important for family to have interaction with my kids, even though I didn't want to go and interact with them.  Ummm....because it makes my Mother and MIL feel that I know family is important and loved. 

But I think Laurie said it right.  I don't want to be dictated to, or suffer consequences from my family.  They don't put me in that position, I put myself there because I know I should be there and would feel guilty if I missed an important event in mine or DH's family's lives.

And I am referring to special events, reunions and holidays.  Not every Sunday dinners like Holli is expected to attend.  And I wouldn't feel guilty if I truly had something important come up that I needed to do on the same day.  It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 AM
It was then that I realized the only thing "private" in the family was the thoughts that I didn't verbalize
I found that to be a very true statement with family and friends.. and now the internet.

Pooh

Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:10:23 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:05:54 AM
Example: While DH and I were dating MIL said that she wanted to get a big area of land so her parents and all her kids could have houses on it and live in a "commune." I said that there is no way I would ever live in a commune because I value my privacy too much. I find myself eating so much at their family dinners or get togethers because as long as I am eating, I'm not expected to talk! lol

My MIL already bought the lot out behind her house for us. Send your MIL over to her place. They can commune together.

Oh geesh you two!  The only way I could manage that is if we were growing the shrooms.  You poor things.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:10:41 AM
It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.
And that right there is exactly how I managed to survive the dreaded Skype session about culling the birthday guest list.

Perspective. I just needed a different one.

LaurieS

Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:12:13 AM
Oh geesh you two!  The only way I could manage that is if we were growing the shrooms.  You poor things.

:D ahhh careful Pooh.. showing your age  ;)

Pooh

I may be showing my age, but the funniest thing I ever saw happened the other day.  They have been holding a festival near us for 10 years that is a mini woodstock (No Laurie, I haven't been).  It's a huge thing now and there are many drug arrests made during this thing.  I saw the line up for this year, and I about fell out of the chair laughing.  They have tons of bands lined up, but the headline read...."Eminem and Loretta Lynn to play this year!"  Ok, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's called Bonnaroo if anyone wants to get their hippie on this summer......Laurie?  ROTFL
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

That's not an age thing, in fact, it's still the teenage thing to do down there in Georgia! MIL won't even touch wine though, so I'm guessing that's not the kind of commune she wanted to have.

AnonymousDIL

I think it really is the dictating that is the issue. Most of the time we don't have any plans and go, but any little thing sets them off. We missed his brother's b-day last year. (I felt bad because DH said it was his 16, it wasn't it was his 15th so we will make it this year.) The whole family knew the reason, but they still had a fit about it. The reason? My grandfather passed away and that was when his funeral was. The main culprit was actually SIL. I really wanted to look at her and say "I'm sorry my grandfather didn't die at a more convenient time for you!" But I didn't lol I held my tongue.

Pooh

Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:13:44 AM
Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:10:41 AM
It really isn't about how they make me feel about it, it's about how I make myself feel about it.
And that right there is exactly how I managed to survive the dreaded Skype session about culling the birthday guest list.

Perspective. I just needed a different one.

And finding a different perspective was the hardest thing I ever had to do with my evil MIL, because even though I changed my perspective, she didn't change. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pooh

Quote from: AnonymousDIL on February 17, 2011, 11:20:32 AM
I think it really is the dictating that is the issue. Most of the time we don't have any plans and go, but any little thing sets them off. We missed his brother's b-day last year. (I felt bad because DH said it was his 16, it wasn't it was his 15th so we will make it this year.) The whole family knew the reason, but they still had a fit about it. The reason? My grandfather passed away and that was when his funeral was. The main culprit was actually SIL. I really wanted to look at her and say "I'm sorry my grandfather didn't die at a more convenient time for you!" But I didn't lol I held my tongue.

Your a better person than I am, I would have said it!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Quote from: Pooh on February 17, 2011, 11:19:27 AM
I may be showing my age, but the funniest thing I ever saw happened the other day.  They have been holding a festival near us for 10 years that is a mini woodstock (No Laurie, I haven't been).  It's a huge thing now and there are many drug arrests made during this thing.  I saw the line up for this year, and I about fell out of the chair laughing.  They have tons of bands lined up, but the headline read...."Eminem and Loretta Lynn to play this year!"  Ok, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's called Bonnaroo if anyone wants to get their hippie on this summer......Laurie?  ROTFL
I wouldn't mind getting my hippie on again, but Loretta Lynn.. really, I was FORCED to  listen to her growing up.. I did like how Sissy Spastic portrayed her in Coalminers Daughter..I'm afraid that she could pass out on the smoke fumes there.

LaurieS

Quote from: holliberri on February 17, 2011, 11:20:07 AM
That's not an age thing, in fact, it's still the teenage thing to do down there in Georgia! MIL won't even touch wine though, so I'm guessing that's not the kind of commune she wanted to have.
If I had a commune everyone would wear moo-moos and walk with a dazed look while holding a cup of starbucks