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How To Wear out Ones Welcome in a matter of hours.

Started by GreatWhiteNorth, February 11, 2011, 12:06:45 pm

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GreatWhiteNorth

Thanks Creme- It is just about damage control really.

LaurieS

February 13, 2011, 08:02:01 am #16 Last Edit: February 13, 2011, 08:11:41 am by Laurie
So you are saying that by not telling your dh, the child's father, that his mother has told the child that she wishes the child's mother dead.. is damage control?

I don't know, maybe your mil wasn't raised any better then to understand that this is wrong.. I don't  know but yanno I've been doing a lot of reading about natural perceptions, genes, environmental effects etc. here on the boards and I guess it is possible that she is really not fully responsible for her actions, maybe this is a learned behavior.  Keeping that in mind I guess it makes perfect sense to keep these types of issues tuck away. I'm sure you're making the right decision.. honestly.. wishing you luck, the situation sounds horrible.

Faithlooksup

Wow, this is horrible and I am sorry you are going thru this.....In My Humble Opinion--I just would not want to deal with her anymore, sorry to say......And whether it is a learned behavior or not--she (MIL) is old enough to know better by now--right from wrong.....

Best wishes to you always...Faith

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lancaster lady

Hi GWN
I hope that by writing on this forum that perhaps things may be clearer for you now .
Sometimes our minds are full of spaghetti and it's hard to make sense of anything .
I would certainly make sure she has no contact whatsoever with your children ,and perhaps your DH should distance himself also . I would certainly mention your child's statement to make sure he realises the seriousness of the situation .
.
Someone wishing his mom dead is really not a healthy situation for them to be in .I hope he has no repercussions from this statement .
If it were my son ,I'm afraid the she wolf in me would go for the jugular .Maybe thats what she was hoping for ,you are a very strong person to be able to ignore this .It would certainly worry me .
I would have to deal with this once and for all .....
and then move with no forwarding address ....lol

cremebrulee

Lancaster Lady
that was a very compassionate post, and yes, I think GWN is an exceptional person....all the way around, and I'm very proud of her for handling it all as she is...I must say, wish I were more like GWN.  Her mil is lucky to have her....and has no clue of what she is missing.

However, GWN, proceed with caution, because honestly, it isn't normal to make a statement like she made so that the little one could hear....a lot of flags raised here...

Creme


1Glitterati

February 13, 2011, 10:17:48 am #21 Last Edit: February 13, 2011, 10:19:46 am by 1Glitterati
Quote from: Laurie on February 13, 2011, 06:25:38 am
QuoteNo Laurie, I have not mentioned it yet. It is a mix of I just don't care to talk about her anymore and I that I simply don't want to give her antics any more attention.

I guess I'm confused and not fully understanding  your desired goal.  You believe that your mil at some point cornered your young child and expressed a desire for you to be dead, and this isn't worthy of conversation with your dh, her son?

So is this to mean that you really don't view mil as anything other then a pia and that she is harmless to your family unit?  I guess what I'm scratching my head over is that you are simply sick and tired of talking about mil, this is fully understandable, you can only beat the subject so long, yet you took the time to post here.  Surely if your child was placed into a red zone your dh would need to know at the very least know what his mother is capable of in order to help you prevent a repeat of this type of dialog with his child.  If my spouse withheld information such as this from me, I would probably have as much of an issue with him as I would with the person who originated the problem.  Good luck to you.



This poster has had numerous conversations with her husband about his mother.  He sometimes makes concessions to his wife...but works very hard to minimize what his mother does and keep his mother in his life and theirs.

I've often thought that the op doesn't leave him because she knows he'll let his mother be around the children unsupervised.   

LaurieS

Whatever her reason is, it's her reason.. I was trying to understand where she was coming from.  I'll count my blessings that I can talk to my dh if his mother ever said that she wanted me dead and him not downplay it.

GreatWhiteNorth

Louise- I think she is toast too.

MILs family truly seem to have adapted to how she is. I understand that the kids needed to adapt certain defense mechanisms for survival when they were kids, but the problem with these is that as adults they still feel normal even when not necessary anymore.

Sometimes it feels that FIL, BIL and my DH at times insulate her. It is as if she gains attention this way:
Act crazy and watch the others dance around it. 

I watch this dance and think it is utterly ridiculous, why not just get away from her? stop the dance of dysfunction, why continue it any longer?

It feels like it is a constant battle sometimes, MIL always trying to get her fingers back in the door and me always trying to push them back off the door.

I can't help but feel that I am giving her attention and getting enmeshed everytime her "dance" causes me to dance with her in any way. She moves her feet in her dance and I move my feet to accomodate her dance. I am tired of dancing with her..........



lancaster lady

GWN:
Can your DH not see what her plans are ?
I suppose after being brought up by this person he would think this behaviour as normal .
Until someone hides the stage ,this person will want to perform .
Time to protect your own cubs from this mad woman ,who knows what they will pick up
from her antics .