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How to get MIL and FIL to see their actions through our eyes?

Started by Maniac, January 25, 2011, 10:59:52 am

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pam1

Heeee, I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast.  Perhaps we will be great friends next year.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

overwhelmed123

Guess I'm odd man out, because my MIL has complained to me about how awful her MIL is- after the examples she gave me, I wanted to say, "are you kidding me lady, that's nothing!"  Plus, her MIL lives in a different part of the country and she sees her MAYBE once a year.

cremebrulee

Hello Maniac and welcome

If it were me, I would definately distance myself from them and refuse they;re visit....I anticipate, that by the time they leave your home, there will have been a huge display of rude on they're part.

Your never going to make them see anything, they're right and that's it.

it sounds to me, and correct me if I'm wrong, that the mother wears the pants in the family and the father goes along with it, to keep peace? 

Well, if you do allow them to come, then they definately have to stay in a motel....however, If I were your husband, I'd say this to them....

She is my wife, and they are my children, and unless you start treating us all as a packaged deal that we are, then we're going to cut off all contact with you and if they mail packages, I'd send them back...period, especially if they didn't treat the other child the same....and I'd also tell them that, b/c that child is going to hurt as he grows and sees what they are doing, and since this is your husbands parents, it's up to him to grow a set....and if he can't, then I'd seek out counseling, but there is no way I'd allow my parents to treat my spouse and children like this...he is a grown adult now and it's time they start acting nicely and stop making they're children feel badly for they're own choices....

Sorry, to be so blunt, but people like this really grind me....what snots....and how dare they treat you like this?

hugs
Creme

catchingup


Maniac if your Il's slapped you in the face in place of offending you verbally what would you do? What would DH do? There would be a completely differant reaction.
Well what she is doing is worse than slapping you in the face because emotional abuse is far worse.
Put a stop to it NOW otherwise you will loose all self confidence and will not know who you are by the time they are finished with you.
This is the way control freaks work. They slowly break you down so that they can control you.

As another lady on this site labelled her post."I wont let anyone rent space in my head"
This is exactly what they are doing. Convincing you,you are no good and the mere fact that you need their approval tells me your self confidence is waining.

lancaster lady

I think Maniac it's up to DH to say unless they show you some respect they are not welcome in your house . No point pretending all is well , when during their stay you are dodging bullets !
You are his wife and they should respect this ,you respect them ,they should return it .

Had my DIL shown me any sign of respect at any time I would have been delighted . Now we seem to have a mutual respect albeit at a distance ...lol
I feel if you are looking towards this visit with dread ,that should tell you something .
I really don't understand where they are coming from..... they must know the atmosphere they are creating .Just stand up to them ,can't make them think any worse of you ,also you let them know how you feel . If your DH won't do it , it looks like it's up to you !
Good Luck ..:)

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

catchingup


If I was you the next time she finds fault or puts you down confront her right there and then.
"What you have just said is Emotional abuse" I will not put up with........" and practice everyday in mirror until it becomes part of you.
Tell her if she ever does it again it will be the last time she will see you.

cremebrulee

Quote from: catchingup on February 02, 2011, 02:23:31 am

If I was you the next time she finds fault or puts you down confront her right there and then.
"What you have just said is Emotional abuse" I will not put up with........" and practice everyday in mirror until it becomes part of you.
Tell her if she ever does it again it will be the last time she will see you.


Totally agree, she might back down big time, and respect Maniac more for it...bullies are like that.