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Sit on my hands or try again to fix it?

Started by seasage, January 26, 2011, 08:40:11 AM

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kathleen

I have received an email sharply critical of my use of the phrase, "Do you want this mentally ill person in your home?"  I meant this as specific to this type of behavior, and not a general comment that no one with mental illness should be included in a family.

There are mentally ill people who are psychologically or physically dangerous and I wouldn't be equipped to handle the kind of OCD behavior described here.  I should have spoken only for myself.  Maybe OCD isn't even a mental illness.  I don't know much about it.

I have very close relatives in my family who suffered from mental disorders such as manic-depression, but with treatment they were not abnormal.  Being cruel to others under the guise of mental illness isn't something I could tolerate. 

I'm glad my email was of some comfort to you, Sea.  Please excuse my tactless use of the term.

I seem to have spent the last several days defending myself against criticism.  Pardon me if I don't write again for a while, as I'm weary of mounting a defense over words and need a break. 

Kathleen

seasage

Quote from: kathleen on January 28, 2011, 09:05:54 AM
I seem to have spent the last several days defending myself against criticism.  Pardon me if I don't write again for a while, as I'm weary of mounting a defense over words and need a break. 

Kathleen

Ditto.  A sauna in the showy woods sounds good right now.

seasage

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Seasage, I think you have gone above and beyond trying to make your DIL feel comfortable, and I do think that her lack of response is your answer.  I think you have done what you can and it is now up to her.

If DS is willing to come without her for visits, then just rejoice in those and enjoy your time with him.  I will say what Laurie did...don't go with the trying to contact her Mother route.  I did that while my DS and DIL were dating and we started having problems, because I had known her Mother for a long time.  I thought that if I sat down with her and we talked about what was happening between me and her daughter, that she might be able to give me some advice on how to get along with her.  The only thing I learned was exactly where the Daughter got her entitlement from!  And she did go back and tell DIL everything we had talked about, creating a bigger rift between us.  I later apologized to DIL and tried to explain that I knew that her Mother would know her best, and I was simply looking for some pointers on how I might better get along with her.  Ummmm....that went over like a ton of bricks too!  My DIL has been on medicine also since she was a teenager for something.  I am not a 100% sure, but I think it was some type of anxiety/depression medicine from what little my DS has ever said in front of me.  We don't discuss it as I felt like it was her business and not mine.  It's kind of a catch 22 though.  If I ask so I can learn more about it...I'm getting into her privacy.  If I don't ask to give her the privacy, then I may be doing things then I could probably have more patience with, if I knew how things affected her. 

Sometimes our best intentions backfire.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

seasage

Pooh,

Thank you for the good advice.

seasage

Pen

I don't think illnesses and afflictions should give anyone a free "bad behavior" pass, especially if help (meds/therapy) is available but not utilized.

Also, unlimited access to everything isn't appropriate for everyone anyway - for example, as an older woman I do not attend raves. I'd just make everyone uncomfortable. There are places some of us should not go.


Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cadagi101

Quote from: Scoop on January 26, 2011, 10:10:55 AM
I had a friend who dated an OCD girl and he grew tired of the rituals too.  Because it wasn't enough for HER to stay 'clean', if he wanted to hold her hand, HE had to perform her rituals too.  So he had to flush public toilets with his feet (how nice for the next 'normal' person!), he had to wash his hands and NOT touch the knobs after (unless it was with a paper towel) and he had to grab the exit door at the bottom or at the top when leaving the bathroom (not as many germs in those areas). 


Oh boy, I am reading this going I'm not OCD really!!  I just feel public toilets are discusting and...I won't swim in public swimming pools either....I always think when using paper towel to turn the taps on and off that it is really gross when the person beside me doesn't.  Why bother washing them at all if you touch the germ ridden taps afterwards?     My children have the "phobia"  and yes we all use our feet to lift the lid.  Doesn't it make perfect sense to not use door handles either especially when the person before turned off the taps after "washing their hands".



LaurieS

Quote from: Julia on January 29, 2011, 02:47:01 AM

Oh boy, I am reading this going I'm not OCD really!!  I just feel public toilets are discusting and...I won't swim in public swimming pools either....
Well you are one up on me... I won't even go into the public with a bathing suit on.

lancaster lady

Nice One Laurie ....lol
You always lift the situation .......Me too ...I would scare away the bathers ... ;D