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Should I stick to my guns??

Started by catchingup, February 01, 2011, 01:27:56 pm

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tryingmybest

I find having "zero expectations" helps. I have a family member who I want to have a relationship with, who quite frankly I don't trust worth a hoot, and who is an almost pathological narcissist. When I see her I just surround myself, and her with positive light, and let her "stuff" bounce right off. If you don't expect something from people, you'll never be disappointed. But I have to agree, for the sake of your future relationship I would go and just dazzle everybody. If your future outlaws are sincerely eager to have a relationship it'll start you all on the path. If they are really creeps, believe me it'll drive them nuts.
Because lets face it, if their aim is to cut you off from "the circle" and you don't go, you are giving them exactly what they want.   :o

pam1

Guess I'm the odd one out on this but I agree, Catchingup.  You don't have to socialize with them.  From my experiences with my parents, their remarriages and general family life -- it is not that common.  Outside of the wedding festivities and babies, hardly anyone in my family combines their in laws or socializes with them.  And usually it's at the invitation of the kids, like say if they are inviting everyone to their house for some type of party. 

And, if they are going to get upset b/c you declined, well it doesn't seem too practical.  An invitation is not a summons, not everyone is friends. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


Pen

Catching up, your situation is a bit different since you've already experienced hurt at the hands of these people. I understand why you don't want to go back into the lion's den.

However, I do agree with others that you may be setting yourself up for even more hurt and anguish by not participating. Think of it more as a pre-nuptial ritual and less of a social gathering. It's just something you need to get through intact and you'll never have to do it again. Smile, don't get sloppy drunk, do not let anyone engage you in potentially volatile discussion, and have an exit strategy so you can gracefully leave early (important phone call? migraine? tummy trouble?)

Buy yourself a lovely outfit, get hair/nails done, wear fabulous accessories so you can walk in head held high and project calm confidence. Practice non-inflammatory responses to questions. You can do this! You're a WWU warrior!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lancaster lady

Catching up :
If you don't go ,and they really didn't want you there ,then they have achieved what they set out to do .

Also why put a wedge between you and your future DIL even before they are married ,because believe me it's awfully difficult to move it once it;s there .She may think you are slighting her .
Don't let them beat you into submission .Go for your son I'm sure he'll want you there . show you can be
as tough as them ,any  bad comments towards you , do what our ladies do ,and change the subject .
Don't be baited .....hope you have  sun shiny BBQ .... :)