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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Started by juju68, January 17, 2011, 01:23:50 PM

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Pooh

I too think Luise and Kirk do a wonderful job with this website. 

Juju, I too think you have much to offer many people here with your stories and advice.  In my line of work, we have to do the same juggling act that Luise is doing here.  The Officers have to do it as well.  If someone calls us and is having a rough time, many times they just need someone to hear them.  But if a dispatcher hears something or something they say causes them to feel like the person needs professional help, they send Officers to them.  Then the Officer evaluates them, and may have us call crisis in, or may come back and say, they are fine and we will check on them again.  It's not a fun decision to make, and sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we get it wrong.  And there is much guilt associated with getting it wrong. 

I am very glad you stayed.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

JuJu, Are you there...here? Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

juju68

Ya I am here...sorry my GPA has been in the hospital so  I have not been on...
I do like it here ,and I guess I kept seeing people told  that you cant help them ,so I kinda got scared about posting because I didn't want to be told to go elsewhere....but that's my own deal:)
I think you all explained it real well an I do understand much more..
I appreciate the resposes...I am sorry to have brought it up....
I am just really stressed as my daughter is being a jerk as usual ,an I am missing the baby,,,sorry for bringing it up
I thank you Louis for having this site an all that you do!!!! :) I also thank each an everyone of you for being here an being so kind....

L

I am a newbie so I didn't even realize someone could be told they can't post here and/or can be blocked.  I could understand them being blocked if they are continually rude to others on the board.  I really don't know what happened exactly as I am new but I agree that that is sad if someone is blocked when they need help.  But, I would never expect everyone to solve my problems on here, but a smiley face or short word of encouragement is all we are looking for sometimes.  None of us can know all the details of anothers life just from reading what they have posted anyway.  Also, obviously we are on here because we have felt profound hurt and rejection from our son/daughter/families and we are sad so I can see why you would be upset about someone being rejected further.  You are sweet to think of others.  At the same time, I'm sure it's a lot of work to moderate these boards and the moderator is doing the best she can I'm sure.   I think it's best on boards on the internet to just take what you can get out of it.  I do think there is a lot of great advice and encouraging ladies on here from what I've read so far.  Just take the good from it that helps you, and leave the rest would be my advice.   ;)   

luise.volta

I am not only the moderator, this is my site. Actually, I got help on this from our Webmaster...(and my son)...Kirk. He's an ordained minister and licensed counselor. When I started my other Website, www.MomResponds.com, he cautioned me to never use it as a crisis clinic because I wasn't trained to do that and someone could lose her life as a result of not getting the right kind of help in time. He told me to return those kinds of questions and point people toward one-on-one, professional help. I've been doing that for the last six years.

When I started this site 1 1/2 years ago, I stayed with that policy. I don't see sending someone in crisis elsewhere as rejection. And as I said, it might save her life. Also, there are those here who a deeply affected by what others present and for whatever reason, can't pass on it.

Sometimes a woman joins us who starts to disintegrate when she opens up. I don't feel qualified to pick up the pieces...I think it's too dangerous. There may be Websites that can do that but mine isn't professionally based. In that sense, I may let that person down due to my own limitations.

This site is always a reflection of me. We are nearing 2000 members but I monitor it. I'm the one who edits and selects based on my own personality and background. I know I run a tight ship that may not appeal to all. But I feel a loosely run ship can sink. I won't stand by and watch people attack or bait each other and I do my best to seek the middle of the road, problem-wise. People at either end of the spectrum need more individualized help than I/we can offer. If my site doesn't fit, I'm confident that other sites will. Everyone gets to choose.

Lots of the help that comes to others here is not from me. Sometimes I am astounded at the wisdom offered and I am always learning. However, I still endorse or veto. I'm not a guru, I'm a member who often puts in her 2 cents worth and who tries to see that, overall, we stick to our purpose of support and understanding. Gurus have surfaced here...and I have sent them on their way. That's a different kind of Website, too.

If anything I have said is unclear, let me know. I, like all the rest of you, am just doing my best. I know there will be times I act when I shouldn't and other times when I don't and should have...that's the human thing.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

aliceison

Wow, you have your hands full and at such a young age; good for you and bless you too.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

SunnyDays09

Hi Everyone...juju  :)


   If it's locked there is a good reason.  I don't know that Luise would just do that because it happens to be Tuesday *or whatever, or that she decided she didn't like the poster that day.  I do trust her judgment.  She has never turned anyone away. 

I only wish there was a way I could "LOCK" someone in my personal life right now and I am not kidding.  This person is constantly singing the blues.  I am beside myself helping this person to "lighten the load",  help them out, etc.  Moan moan moan.  I am talking about my adult daughter that has moved back.  And I am seriously thinking of writing her.  For she has no time to listen.  She won't let me get a word in!  She is enamored with herself.  She just likes to hear herself, I believe.  She wastes so much time droaning on and on about NOTHING that she could be getting things done.
Suffer in silence would work with this one. 

I have done all I can to help her.  I want to LOCK up her moaning and complaining.   There is NO helping this one.  She never ever sees the light at the end of tunnel.  Never looks for the silver lining.  She thrives on complaints and whining all the time. 

I am trying to have empathy, compassion.  Trying to understand and offer encouragement.  But she never stops.  Whine.  Cry.  Complain. 

She is so miserable all.the.time.  There is no help, that I can give. But I can silence her.  For it hurts ME and the entire comfort of our home. 

I believe it is like that on boards like this, too.  There is always that one (or more), that CAN'T be helped.  Or, doesn't really WANT to be.