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whyamiwrong

Started by whyamiwrong, January 22, 2011, 04:37:29 pm

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whyamiwrong

January 22, 2011, 04:37:29 pm Last Edit: January 22, 2011, 04:59:12 pm by whyamiwrong
I give up, We love Our Children But they hate me because I finally told all of them exactly what I thought. Whats the use, No matter what we do my children hate me. I hope this ends soon. I know people think this will go away but its so bad that 6 children that i gave all i have to help them have a great life don't want anything to do with us the only time they want to have contact with us is if they can get money. We gave up and did without to the point that I even stayed away from family because of our children. We took out loans to help them gave what savings we had went against our moral beliefs to help them and I can not take any more. I just want it to end go to sleep and just let it end.

luise.volta

it isn't going to end soon...that's that's bad news. The good news is you're going to live through this. We all are. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Louey0727

Dear Whyamiwrong:
I too am posting tonight about something that has been a disappointment for me and I happened to see your post.
The problem with the caring mothers on this forum, is we love too much and get too little in return.
Keep on writing to the ladies here, they will give you support and believe me, they will enlighten you on how to try and get on with your own life.
By getting on with your own life, you will spend less time, thinking about what your "darlings" are doing to you.
Like one of the ladies said before in a post, it might have been our lifesaver Luise, we were people before we were parents.
Get ownership back of your own life and do things for you, keep busy and remember that all the wonderful ladies here have also become your friends.  They are the type of friends who listen and do not judge, as in one way or the other, we have walked in each other shoes.
Luise is like a wise owl who tends her flock of friends ,who wants all to get healthy, independent and live a happy life and not endure the constant pain from our family. If you read her posts, she has the wisdom,  that we all hope to attain by staying on this forum.
There is no harsh ridicule from the other wise ladies, they only want your happiness too.
Stay with us, write and do not feel you are alone.

Pen

Welcome, Why. I hear so much pain and emotional exhaustion in your post. It's definitely time for you to take the advice of Luise and Parentslol and take back your life! You've given enough.

Day by day you will grow stronger and more positive about things. Choose one or two things that might make you remember the woman you were before kids - Going to a concert? Being creative? Turning up the music and dancing? My DS became really surly right before he moved out and would make sarcastic comments when I sang along to music I loved. The day he left I cranked up Exene and sang my heart out!

It hurts to think your kids only want you for your money. Many WW here have found that when they step back, stop giving, and start rebuilding their own lives their kids have a chance to grow up and often develop new-found respect for their parents. Best wishes, keep posting.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Referring to what Pen just wrote, when adult children no longer can treat us with disrespect...there is a chance that they can learn self-respect, as well. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

L

I can relate when you said that no matter what you do your kids hate you.  It's really hard but we have to try and let go of our kids at a certain point ESPECIALLY if they are abusing us, and just hope that someday they will change and treat us with some respect.  Maybe you need to not give out any "handouts" of money any more if they are older and on their own, unless it would affect their well being like needing money or help for a serious health issue then by all means that is still your child no matter what and they need you.   Like the others said, you need to get out and live for yourself more and not just for the kids and their happiness anymore.  I don't know why some kids are so mean and ungrateful.  I was always a good mom and adored my daughter and she is horrible towards me, yet I know of a lady who wasn't a very good mom and her kids turned out great and they are nice to her! Go figure! It is frustrating to say the least.  Take care.  :-\       

juju68

I really feel your pain!!! I am sorry that any of us have to go through this...
I think that the best thing to do is ...
1) Don't give these kids another dime, nothing
2) You need to go on with your life and I know it is hard but these kids are grown an we did our jobs an now it is our time to live our life....
3) Remember we were a person with a life before we had kids an now me must find that person whom we lost..Luise gives this advice an she is so right!!
4)Get busy and find hobbies,volunteer,walk, visit the homeless or abused women's shelter.anything to get your mind off these brats...
There are days that are good an days that are not so great,but we can and will get through this....
I know when I start thinking that this estrangement may be forever I start panicking so now I take it one day at a time and sometimes I take one second at a time...but you will be able to get through this ....I am sending good thoughts an prayers your way:)

JaneF

I really agree with a lot that has been said here. I am guilty of "helping" my adult kids too much, and getting myself into debt! When I finally set boundaries and said no more, they either treat me badly or cut off communication and use grandkids as pawns. Life goes on. I am working on making ME happy from now on, and they can fend for themselves. My daughter called again yesterday and asked "for a loan". Our answer was no. I agree with Luise, not paying a previous debt cancels out any chance of getting another loan! My husband told her we are not her personal bankers. Here we are raising one of her children because she never did grow up and get responsible, and even after almost a dozen years she is no better of than she was then. Sadly she has two more kids. I have seen a lot of postings on here about adult kids just taking, taking, but not wanting to ever give. The sense of entitlement makes me want to gag. When we needed more money to pay for something we got a second job, or had a garage sale, or cut back. When my kids want something they figure out how to get more from the system without putting forth any effort or working for it. At least 2 of my kids are like that. I guess trying to teach them as children about the value of money didn't work. They whine when the tires on their car are bald, and ask for money...but the month before they buy season football tickets for $500?????? Sorry, bank of mom is out of business! Sorry to vent today, I guess the stress just got to me today! I feel better now. Maybe a lovely relaxing tub soak is in order now. Blessings to all.

luise.volta

Glad we can "put it out there" here...so we don't have to keep it in.

Adult children often have a hard time learning to prioritize and deny themselves anything. It seems to me that when we come to their rescue, we help prolong that.

As I have written here, before, I'm a hard-nose. Unless specified up front as a gift, all money from me is a loan...a contract...with terms and a due date. No performance, end of loans. I think that helped my sons learn self-respect. And it was passed on through them to my grandsons. My great granddaughter is still in high school, so I don't know if it is going to trickle down to a third generation.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Speaking of "the bank of Mom," what bank nowadays would let someone keep borrowing when they continually default? Loans from banks are not easy to get. Of course, if you're a high roller the rules are different. But that's another topic for another site....
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb