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I don't understand my adult children

Started by pcbd1234, January 22, 2011, 01:21:06 pm

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holliberri

LL, I think you're right. Laurie had a really good point about being introduced as DS's mom. I don't think I've had the chance to introduce MIL to anyone, but I'm thinking of refering to her as DHM on here now to see how it goes. It might take the sting out of some things.

Unfortunately, this thread got hijacked long ago. It has morphed into something entirely different. I think many of these posts belong on another board for continuity...Hope, Barbie and Nana were having a nice pleasant conversation over here.

Sorry ladies.  :(

Pen

Holly, thanks for pointing that out. I just went back and read that conversation and it broke my heart. The thread did morph there, unfortunately. Hope, Barbie and Nana, I'm sorry you're dealing with such painful situations. It's gut wrenching, devastating to feel such a loss. The concept of mind control is interesting; I've said before that IMHO it's sort of like a charismatic cult leader has taken over sometimes. It's supposedly a sign of abuse when a DH does it to his wife; what do we call it when a DW does the same to her husband?

All a FOO can do is what you & your DH did, Hope. Best wishes.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Tara

I'm sorry to be off post as part of the hijack, but wanted to mention something.
-
I've noticed (not always) but  pattern when a  post goes on and on and on and the entire community
is involved trying to help someone , and the "yeah but"  is going on  it often turns out in a way less than
ideal.  I've seen this happen where at the end, the person, a mil just up and left the forum.
I couldn't believe it after all our  effort that went into trying to support the person.   

I think we should keep an eye out for these long posts and be mindful that they may be going nowhere
and in end people can feel dismissed like happened here and has happened before.  I had to stop looking at it after awhile.  I
remembered what Luise said about if you don't like what is happening on a post move on.  I also feel that
its hard when we can't see peoples faces and expressions and hear their voice tones its difficult to get a good read.  Somepeople
can seem smug and/or defensive but if you are in person with them, you might chuckle as you have a more accurate read, if you know what I mean.     And one final question
If we are really being asked to to be skillful and mindful here on WWU  then are we really hear to rant endlessly? 
It doesn't seem compatible  with the values of this forum.   IMHO

holliberri

 you are absolutely right, Tara. I get too wrapped up in this sometimes. I need to be more mindful of that.

SunnyDays09

Quote from: Tara on April 23, 2011, 04:13:35 pm
I'm sorry to be off post as part of the hijack, but wanted to mention something.
-
I've noticed (not always) but  pattern when a  post goes on and on and on and the entire community
is involved trying to help someone , and the "yeah but"  is going on  it often turns out in a way less than
ideal.  I've seen this happen where at the end, the person, a mil just up and left the forum.
I couldn't believe it after all our  effort that went into trying to support the person.   

I think we should keep an eye out for these long posts and be mindful that they may be going nowhere
and in end people can feel dismissed like happened here and has happened before.  I had to stop looking at it after awhile.  I
remembered what Luise said about if you don't like what is happening on a post move on.  I also feel that
its hard when we can't see peoples faces and expressions and hear their voice tones its difficult to get a good read.  Some people can seem smug and/or defensive but if you are in person with them, you might chuckle as you have a more accurate read, if you know what I mean.     And one final question
If we are really being asked to to be skillful and mindful here on WWU  then are we really hear to rant endlessly? 
It doesn't seem compatible  with the values of this forum.   IMHO


I agree with this ^^

luise.volta

Take what you want and leave the rest. Make sense?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama