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Looking for a Different Perspective

Started by foofoo, January 20, 2011, 05:20:28 PM

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FAFE

Foofoo, I am so sorry you are having to go thru this.  My son is married to a Japanese girl and we love her and her family as well.  Son and DIL got married in his home state of Georgia and I think her family chartered an airplane to come from Japan for the wedding.  I have the most adorable 7 year old grandson who is one of the lights of our life.  He has both his mother and father's looks, coloring, etc., and is going to be very tall like his dad.  He is dark like his mom, but that just makes him cuter.  I do not know what the attraction was but all of his life our son was attracted to Asian/Hispanic women. 

DIL I get along fine, and any problems we have with them is generally our son.  That's for another time though. 

We also have a precious little granddaughter who our daughter and her husband are adopting.  She actually looks like both of them.  She has my daughter's bigggg feet (she could hardly wear the newborn booties, etc.), her dad's reddish hair.  Looks like they special ordered her.  We love her as much as we do our grandson.  Now, if my middle son would get married and have one or two, we could die happy people. 

Hope one of these days your in-laws will come to their senses and act like grown up people. 

LaurieS

Fafe that is wonderful... I did tell my son and his gf that if they ever had a baby that it would be the most beautiful baby on earth.  I love the Asian coloring and silky black hair.  My hopefully future dil has such tiny feet.. we all feel like giants around her.

foofoo

Just to clarify a few things,

CremeBrulee, I do not allow my children near those people because they do show their bigotry towards my children.  I remember when my oldest was just a few months old, some relative of DHs died and we had to go to a church service for them.  The usher sat us in front of MIL and I was holding the baby so that the baby was facing behind me over my shoulder.  MIL was so uncomfortable wiht her own grandchild looking at her that she got up and went to the restroom.

I tell my DH that he should go visit his family to the extent he wants to.  He does not take the kids with them.  I figure if they really want to know their grandchildren, they will make some sort of effort -- send a birthday card, a christmas present, or pick up the phone and call DH.  Just so you know how hateful these people are, one time DH sent his father pictures of the girls.  A couple weeks later he called him for some reason and asked him if he got the pictures, his father's response, "Why would I want to look at those?"  DH told some of his relatives, including his sisters and they all just said that his dad was just mad and trying to upset him and to ignore it.

These are not normal people.  Normal people of any culture are not this hateful.  I could tell you story after story after story.  There really isn't anything anyone can do about it.  Their priest has tried to intervene, DH's grandfather tried to intervene.  They are just bigots.

holliberri

Foofoo,

If I may, it sounds like your mind is made up. If you don't want your children around DH's parents, then it like that is what is best for you. I don't see why you need to look for a different perspective; you are only protecting your children. Plus, it seems like many of us would do the same exact thing in your shoes.

Regardless, I think we'll support you either way. Good luck; I can't imagine being treated badly over something I had no control of from birth.

cremebrulee

Foofoo, I did not realize the extent of how bad it was, and I'm terribly sorry for everyone concerned, if they are like that, I would not want my children near them either...how can any human being be like that?  I just don't understand...and I'm so sorry your dealing with this...and yes, we support you all the way...

Creme


lancaster lady

Any baby is a gift ,no matter what colour or religion .
They are innocent and only learn from what they see around them .
I would keep them as far away as I could .You don't want them tainted by their GP standards !
Shame on them ,its their loss ,missing out on the best years of their GC lives .

Protect your cubs mommy ..!

luise.volta

Well, I'm not going to jump all over you! A line drawn in the sand where your kids are OK but you aren't is one that can drive a wedge in a marriage. You are a package deal and they are half while. My take is that it is your ILs that should get over it! Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

katie84

This situation you are in FooFoo makes me so sad :(:( I cannot believe in the year 2011 people still have prejuices!!!! They should get over it!!! People are people and life is so short to waste it on something insane as color or race. They should be happy their son found someone to love and vica versa. Someday, as life goes, they will no longer be here on this earth, so wouldn't you think they would want happiness for their son? I am outraged at people's ignorance :( I just cannot believe it. They should watch the mover (a fav of mine) Guess who's coming to dinner. At the end, Spencer Tracy gave the mostamazing speech. Hugs to you FooFoo (((((hugs))))) sorry you have to deal with this.

penelope

~BIG HUGS TO YOU FOOFOO~ I can't imagine how hard this must be,I have to say I would do the same,I would keep my children from them to....if they cannot accept you the odds are your children will get the same...how sad over the fact you are not of the same race. I have dil issues and one of the biggest reasons I'm willing to buck it up is I wanna be a gm more than anything in the world,I agree with these ladies,first try to see if they will welcome you before subjecting your children to it,it's sad to see your hubby in the middle,as I'm sure he loves you all deeply~but some cultures are so deep seeded they do not want to change,it's all they know~when my son went into the Marines a few years ago I remember someone asking him how is it living at bootcamp with so many diff ethnic groups,his response was all I see is green:) I thought good job!! my dh family is very strong Irish Catholic,I've never met my fi but have been told sooo many times Archie Bunker was his idol,I hated that show,my mi wasn't fond of me becouse I was a southern baptist:b to keep the peace I had the kids baptized catholic and have attended the catholic church for 23 years,as long as I'm hearing the word of God I'm happy,but I had to give up a part of me to keep the peace,and believe me over the years it has been an issue~I wish you all the best~