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Think this is it

Started by pam1, January 20, 2011, 04:06:18 pm

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I've been lurking and keeping up with everyone, just haven't had the energy to post very much.

It's been a rough month.  I went through a medical crisis that is still not over but at least I'm diagnosed and not freaking out over what is going on with me.  It started a few days before xmas and I just found out the diagnosis last week.  It's not good but not life threatening.  It's one of those things that'll take me awhile to accept but it's life and I'll move on.  Sorry I would like to be more specific but just worried someone will find me here.

Anyway, throughout all this time MIL has been just downright nasty.  Accused me of making stuff up to get attention or to get out of one of her many events.  Has pulled so many attention seeking stunts and aiming her weapons at me during this rough time for DH and I.  Gossiping, lying to family about what is going on with me.  She was asked to back off until we understand what's going on and then we'd inform her when we were ready, well that wasn't good enough for her -- she just made stuff up out of thin air.  Basically saying I was making it all up.  I don't even know where to begin.  It's been awful.  Awful for me and awful to watch my husband have to see her actions first hand without any room for misunderstanding...this stuff she pulled was just nasty.  It's hard to explain but I feel terrible for DH, it's like he is getting smacked in the face with the behavior that cannot in anyway be excused.  And at a time where it couldn't be worse.

It's a low point here in the Pam1 household.  Any advice would be appreciated. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


Oh Pam, I'm so sorry to hear this. We've missed you. Your MIL is something else; with all her recent shenanigans DH must be getting sick of her behavior. I hope he's getting ready to do something about it; you need support now, not accusations and childish behavior. Some people are just too self-centered for words. I hope your issues are resolved soon {{{hugs}}}
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Pam, I am so sorry. You need to surround yourself with healing energy right now, and your MIL sounds truly awful. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}.


On the upside.. you no longer have to wonder if it's just you seeing this.. your dh has seen her, clear and up close, he can now concentrate on you two as a couple who really need each other.  She may have done you a favor in disguise, or at least you can view it that way.  I hope you are feeling better and that you can work through this and come out radiant on the other end. 


Is there any way you and your dh could go on a little vacation to get away from everything and you minds focused on more positive energy?


Great idea, Foo. It doesn't have to be elaborate, just a change of scene.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Yes I announced last night that we were going to do a mini vacation.. I think  they are good for the soul.. PS.. works best if you leave the cell phone in the car.


DH came home from work and told me to go out and look at the moon, and it is spectacular tonight. I gave him a hug and asked if we were going to make out. He said, "Don't break my glasses." Does that count?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


It might.. and was better then the grumpy husband I had come home.. I said hey what gives.. the kids are all finally gone.. and you're gonna come home grumpy.. I told him that it hurt my feelings lol... I'm big into feelings today. 


Thanks, you guys are all so funny.  I should have posted here earlier, your senses of humor crack me up.  Just what I needed :)

Well, DH cut them off officially.  I'm sad for him, deeply.  But I don't know what else he could have done, she has been bullying us for a long time.  Gosh, it's just so sad.  I'm not jumping up and down with joy, I was so confused last night.  Extremely hurt by her latest antics but then hurt b/c my DH cut her off.  I don't understand why it has to be this way, I mean, I get that she is a bully.  But why?  Why behave so horribly to break up family?  I've never seen anything like it. 

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


I'm so sorry you're going through this Pam. I think it is normal to have feelings of hurt when your DH cuts his family off, no matter the reason.  However, maybe, just maybe, this is what she needs to stop doing what she's been doing. I'm sorry about your health problem.  Just remember, that is your main focus, as it is your DH's, so try not add to your burden by worrying about her being hurt at this point.


Hi Pam!!!   Sorry to hear about all of this mess you are going thru especially with the MIL...A Bully is a bully, lerking for trouble like a snake and if they can't find any~they will start some...I believe they live a very boring life and need constant attention and will go to any length to get it, they have NO feelings and they dont care whom they step on.....It definiately has to be some type of sickness or neurosis, for when you are in your 40's, 50's & 60's and you still have to bully people--you really have a problem.....

Either just ignore her completely or go after her like a bull in a china shop...however eventually she will make a fool out of her own self and you will have the last laugh.  It does take time but it will happen.....

But as for now...you just take care of yourself and DH~~throw her to the curb and be done with her...

Pam, the truth always "Prevails" and he who points the finger, holds the blame....
I would also google up some books on "Bullies" or try amazon.com~~do some reading up on people like that.....

Have a fun get away...and remember you and DH are No#1 ~~ NOT HER!!!

Hugs across the miles...Faith :)


Hi Pam
so sorry to hear about whats going on, just hope you'll be ok...
Stress right now is something you don't need....and as you say, your husband must be hurting...all our son's want is for they're mothers to accept they're wives and visa versa...

Suggestion...try not to worry so much...listen, you know she is like this and she is not going to change, evenually, your husband, may get so tired of it, he'll have a good face to face talk with her and demand she stop it.  It is difficult for adult children to stand up to they're parents, b/c we've been taught to respect our parents, but he is now seeing her true colors.

Honey, it's about you and him...no one else....so, while it seems easy for me to say, and I know it's not, work on keeping your mind off of her...she is the looser...big time....

I'm wishing you all the best...and yes, a nice getaway weekend might be a good idea....I'm wishing you all the best, and when you get frustrated, just come in and vent...it does the heart good.

big hugs and love, and it was so good to hear from you


Hey Pam, and I too am very sorry for what you have been going through.  I was glad to hear that DH took a stance, and even though it is painful, it was so needed.  Hang in there and do what everyone suggested...do something for you and DH.  Big hugs.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Think of it this way.... he is helping his mother deal with her own issues.  This is a wellness check for everyone...  you'll deal with your health issues and try to come out on the other end better for it.. his mom.. well time will tell.