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I won't allow anyone to rent space in my head anymore!!!!!!

Started by katie84, January 20, 2011, 09:55:21 AM

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luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

MrsKitty

Maybe you should try always returning her text with a call--don't respond back with a text--only respond with calls back.

MrsKitty

Oh--and one of my favorite lines from a movie is:
"You can't spell FAMILIES without LIES--am I right?"

:D :D :D

katie84

miss kitty, love the advice :):) thank you. No more texting from e to DIL, if she testx me again I will respond with a call. That is awesome advice.
Thre cheers for all the wise women who unite :):) Love you all

Pen

Quote from: Laurie on January 21, 2011, 11:07:07 AM
Quote from: Pooh on January 21, 2011, 10:56:32 AM
I wouldn't lie because to me, lying is really bad and probably goes hand in hand with many of our issues here. (Not us, but the people we are having problems with).  I would tell the truth.  I would call her and say, "I have asked you not to text me because we keep misunderstanding each other's meanings.  So please call me.  And if you do text me instead of calling me, I am not going to answer them."  Boundaries.

I wouldn't make excuses because personally, I feel many of my problems with my DS and DIL are due to lying and excuses.  I have always prided myself on being truthful.
darn I hate when Pooh hits us with the right answer

I know, she totally nailed it.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Pen

And Mrs. K's last post about always responding w/a call...priceless.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

JaneF

Great advice about the response to unwanted texts!!!  If and when my ds decides he will finally begin speaking to me again (or texting, which is all he ever does too)....I plan to use this advice!  Right now I have to agree that things are often misunderstood in text messaging, and to be honest I get sick of people texting. I was forced to buy a small plan for my cell phone because some refused to stop sending them, and it is expensive if you don't have a plan. How does one block ALL texting from cell phones???? If I knew how, I'd block my phone completely, then remove the added expense every month! I actually get angry at texting, my friends even do this now instead of calling....irritating as a seven day itch! GRRRRRRRR. It is almost as irritating as my renters or relatives waking me up during the day needlessly when they know I work third shift!!! I am considering calling all of those guilty of that at say oh, 3 am...JUST TO GAB...then say, OH WERE YOU SLEEPING????? I will not go into details about it because I am not a doctor or therapist...but I have 2 bipolar adult kids, and a bipolar ex husband...all I can say is It is a terrible disorder that has caused much pain and difficulty for me in my life time. (oh I forgot, dil also is bipolar). Sheesh. The thought of moving and leaving no forwarding address and changing my name sounds lovely sometimes.  :P ;D ;)  What a delight all of you wise women are! 

Pooh

I am a totally guily text-aholic!  I hate talking on the phone, but I didn't until I became a dispatcher and spent 8 hours a day on a phone.  The last thing I wanted to do when I got home, was talk on the phone.  It isn't anything personal against anyone, I was just so tired from doing it all day.

I do text and recieve texts all day long from friends, co-workers, DH and family.  I'm not condoning it, and I think we are missing much personal interaction in today's times between emails, texts and websites.  I have not personally had an issue with it being misunderstood, except DH and I will occasionally have to text back each other and say, "Ok, you lost me.  What did you mean?"  But I think that is where the problems would arise, if we BOTH didn't realize things can be misunderstood, and we ask instead of "assuming" the worst.  But before texting and technology, I did the same thing in person.  If someone said something to me that sounded awful, I would say "What did you mean by that?"  99% of the time, it wasn't what they meant, but how it came out and after they explained, it wasn't meant to be bad.  I still think it boils down to how someone chooses to react.  If I received a hateful text right now, I would call them and ask if I understood it correctly instead of getting mad immediately.  I can't count how many times in my life that I have said something in person, then followed that with "Wow.  That didn't come out like I meant it.  Let me try that again."
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

Texting is the main mode of communication between DS & me. He can do it w/o DIL knowing, LOL. But I wouldn't accept the rude texts Katie84 was receiving, for sure.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

neecee

[ don't think you have a choice but to totally ignore her texts, whether she freaks out or not.  You can only continue to be a target by reacting; ]

Tried this....didn't work.  Tried this and that and avoidance and confronting and listening sympathetically for literally hours to tearful complaints and so on...

If this girl wants your scalp, you cannot do anything to stop her, especially in the media she adores.  Most of us are simply not up to the shenanigans of the very electronically adept. 

Please keep me posted if something does work. I am also not fond of telling untruths...that is not being authentic to your self and then you have to confront your own spirit.  Keep true.  Pray for courage.

Tara

Quote from: luise.volta on January 21, 2011, 02:39:11 PM
Communicating face to face also takes courage, for me. I was pretty disgusted with myself when I realized I hid behind email and Voicemail...both of which are totally unilateral. All I knew was win/lose...no skills at expressing, confronting or negotiation. Tough stuff and I'm still learning. Sending love...

Luise,  this is an interesting point I never thought of before, that communicating via email can unliateral, esp when there is an
issue at hand.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Quote from: neecee on January 23, 2011, 04:09:06 PM
....Most of us are simply not up to the shenanigans of the very electronically adept. 


What a great line!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

katie84

ok ladies, last saturday my son came over. I asked him when I was going to see my grandson and he said he went to therapy with his wife (she has been in therapy since she was 16, she is 24 now, and he said the therapist told them it was wrong to keep their son from seeing me. Thank God!!!!! He told me it was because his wife has control over who see's "her" son. I told him I too was in therapy (didn't tell him it was here lol) and I expressed that I was going to pay attention as to why he feels I love my daughter more than him. I told him his feelings were real and I would try to remedy this situation (don't know exactly how) but will try. Just saying I love him is not enough I guess, and I didn't think I loved his sister more but would pay attention to as why he feels this way.......needless to say, he did not make it to the party :( It was fine, cause I know its all because of his wife and how she feels.  He asked if I could in some way make things right with his wife. I told him I really don't know what else I can say or do, I have reached out to her, told her my feelings have not changed and that I love her even if we argue but thats not enough for her. Any advise ladies? As long as DIL does not feel comfortable with me she will keep the baby from seeing me. Son said this morning when he called, "mom, you know what to say to make things right, just do it" and when i told him I don't know what i can say where she will not find it unattackable. I told him I cannot nor will I text her again.  I need advise Ladies, asap as I wish to see my grandson.