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Realizing we were wrong

Started by mom2, October 24, 2009, 04:40:49 pm

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AnnieB

Ah, well, in some ways, chickie, you've been lucky!   I have volunteered at shelters for abused women.    Abused verbally, emotionally or physically -- it is not uncommon at all in that setting for the husband to insist on cutting off the wife's relationship with her family.   

2chickiebaby

That is so true, thanks for reminding me, AnnieB.....that's the first torture that the men do.  Isolate from family.

just2baccepted

Quote from: Ihopeuknow on October 28, 2009, 07:31:10 pm
Good relationships don't just fall apart though.  I mean strong relationships withstand the test of time and the test of interference because they are just that, strong.  I think for a good relationship to fall apart there has to be some crack in the foundation.  It might be something tiny and something they're unaware of but it's there.


I see your point but in my lifetime I've seen women that I work with or family members get this jealous streak in them.  I think women have this competition thing in them. I read an article one time about how women act like primates when it comes to comparing themselves to each other.  I admit I have done the same thing.

Here's an example of a time when I know that a female employee was competing with me:  Her and I got along great and great conversations and laughed together etc.  When she first started working there, she's "looking" for a husband.  She starting dating this guy and he wasn't interested in marriage and that broke her heart, and then he dumped her.  Then she met this guy from a dating website and they've been dating for almost two years.  She has been putting the pressure on him to marry for some time but he's not ready, or maybe never will be ready.  Ok, now where I come in, I'm married, appear happy to her.  She's frustrated, wants to get married and I believe sees me as a reminder to her frustrations.  So all of sudden she starts being short with me and ignoring me.  My DH even was able to think that's why she turned on me.  Ok, so this went on for about 3 mos. and now she's back to her old self again.  Why?  Because she decided to give him an ultimatum and make a big change in her life by January.  Either he marries her or she's going to move to another state and become a teacher.  So the point is I guess she felt better about her situation and so therefore didn't feel irritated by me anymore, we talk and laugh again.

So my point is, women can be odd creatures and are VERY competitive with each other.

This is the same with MIL/DIL relationships as well I believe.  I never thought about my MIL being competitive with me because the  difference in age, but I did think that my SIL may have that problem because we're so close in age.  But I guess it goes on no matter what the age difference is.

Ihopeuknow

J2b I'm with you on the concept that women are odd ducks and that we can behave strangely. But my comment on the Good and Strong relationships was in reference to the relationship between Mother and Son.  Not that it doesn't apply in other situations but I'm talking about deep bonds not casual friendships.

2chickiebaby

Dear J2b,
I agree with you. Women can be horrible, there is no doubt about it.  Remember the Seinfeld episode when Elaine said what women did to other women instead of fist fighting like men?

She said, "we just torment them until they get an eating disorder"

I think she spoke a mouthful.  No one here knows me so I can tell you anything and you'd never know the truth about me.  But I have never, would never treat anyone badly.  I always ask my husband, "how can they do that?  I would never do that to anyone."

His response is: "most other people do, though". 

My DIL, for instance.... son is forbidden to wear cologne or any kind of after shave.  She is so jealous of other women that if you could see her react to a woman he sees who works with him, you'd be appauled.  He can't speak to the woman, even in a crowd of people.

Don't you think this is over the top?  I realize this is their life but boy, I don't get it.

J2b, your inlaws are missing out of a great person.  I can feel it through your posts.  You are kind and can understand, with compassion other people's feelings.  It's a shame.  I don't get that either.  I would adore you. 

I know that you are right on with this woman you work with. This is why she turned against you.  It's so sick and twisted. 

I always blame myself and wonder what I did wrong.  Not with DIL, though.  She's a mean woman who uses religion to pursue her goal of isolating son from everyone.  She particularly hates me.....son and I had such a wonderful Mom and son bond.  She found that threatening and I can see that now.  We had to go.

I hope this never happens to anyone else. I mean it.  It hurts more than you know. 


just2baccepted

Thanks, I try to avoid conflict because I want people to like me, which really hinders a person at times.  Its sometimes a deep wound for me when someone doesn't like me, even though I know that you cant' make everyone like you, including our IL's.  Life can be hard so that's why I try to concentrate on the good things on my life.  Its hard to do when I'm surrounded by negative people though.  My mom and DH are both negative and always see  the negative in a situation first.  I just don't want to be like that.  I've seen some real bitter old people in my family.  Oh boy, I don't know why I got off on that.