March 28, 2024, 04:11:18 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


UGHHHH!!!!!

Started by erma, January 04, 2011, 03:11:16 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

erma

i don't believe ANY ranting is ridicules.......ever....... unless its outside a safe place to rant. which this is........or so its been said..........
and gee, i thought i posted in the "adult son/adult daughter" section, which would mean, to me anyway, that i was ranting about ds. not dil. as would be posted in the "daughter in law/ son in law" section...... hmmmm.

Pooh

Erma, she wasn't saying that you were ranting....she was saying that she might rant sometime about something.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

erma

QuoteThank you, but I certainly have my moments. I'm sure one day I'm going to post a ridiculous rant on here and you'll all see how ridiculous I can be

meaning all rants are ridiculous .................

ridiculous=from the word ridicule=laughable, ashamed, deserving of ridicule.......  Websters collegiate dictionary
8)

luise.volta

Rants - Lets see: We have had rants here that didn't work and rants here that nearly saved lives. We watch our language here to protect the innocent (not me) and we don't get graphic about violence real or imagined. If one comes in that I think is outside our parameters...as with a person who might need crisis intervention or some other kind of support we can't offer, I will step in. (And for me, I rant on Word because my rants embarrass me. :-X)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

seasage

Absolutely precious answer, Luise.  I'm so happy you are in charge here, not me. 

luise.volta

Oh, I love that! I hardly ever get called precious!!! 8)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


holliberri

No Erma, ridiculous as in ME. No one else.

holliberri

Words can get misinterpreted that fast...particularly on the internet. I've mentioned several times, I'm not the best communicator. If you have a problem with what I say, ASK, I'll do my best to clarify. No need to highlight my statements in red. This is certainly a safe place to post things, which is why I'm here, and I respect ALL of you, but I'm self-depricating by nature, and I don't think that's changing anytime soon.

I mentioned earlier that you may want to communicate with your son if you have a problem with something he said. You failed to communicate with me over something I wrote. Any relationship is destined to fail (no matter how abstract the relationships on here are, that is what we're establishing here: relationships), without good solid communication and a simple, "Hey, what do you mean by that?" Maybe if we do it on here, it'll be good practice when we are using it with our loved ones, be it a MIL, DIL, mother, husband, or friends.

erma

well said holiberri....... hard to understand text, as there is no tone of voice, or facial expressions to go by. precisely why i ranted about my ds in the first place. his tone was unacceptable to me. i think we all can agree communication is key in any relationship. and yes, i can always do better. i will add that to my list of things, on my year of me.......2011

holliberri

Erma,

I am glad we see eye to eye on that. I'm working on my communication too. On here, I have an "edit" button, so I know how to get it right But, real life doesn't allow me one of those; I can be quite hurtful. That is a large part of the reason why I'm here.  I am the DIL that has qualms about MIL babysitting, or buying my DD this or that, and I find it useless, and I'm trying to work through that. You all have been very helpful in that regard. I believe that if I was communicating better, I'm likely be more open to her babysitting. I see a little bit of myself in each one of your stories.

Just to show you that I've come pretty far since joining: I don't think I'll ever want MIL in the delivery room, but I did invite her to travel with me to pick up a child, if our adoption papers are approved. No one else, just her and I. That's no thanks to me, that's thanks to you guys (gals, sorry).  I can't give her exactly what she wants, but I can give her something close and priceless nonetheless. That's just from reading! You all haven't been subjected to my diatribes/tirades/fuss fests yet, and that's exactly what they are, over minute things. I'm sure there will be one eventually, and you'll all see how off my rocker I can be. Also, your input will be put to even further good use.


LaurieS

Quote from: holliberri on January 11, 2011, 04:19:57 PM

Just to show you that I've come pretty far since joining: I don't think I'll ever want MIL in the delivery room, but I did invite her to travel with me to pick up a child, if our adoption papers are approved. No one else, just her and I.
How incredibly sweet and thoughtful of you to invite your MIL to go with you.  I can agree whole heartedly about not wanting/needing your MIL in a delivery room... that would be soooo awkward :) But it is all about communication.. good for you Holliberri

Pooh

That was extremely thoughtful of you Holli, and I bet your MIL feels very thankful for you including her.  Big, huge thoughts and wishes that everything goes through on the adoption.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

Holli
Incredibly kind and thoughtful of you to do..I betcha she was thrilled!  And it's a remarkable jesture on your part....and she knows it...lots of luck to you...this will probably put you both on the right track...
I'm grinning from ear to ear...thanks so much for sharing...

heartfelt hugs
Creme

cadagi101

Quote from: chelmsford36 on January 11, 2011, 05:50:41 AM
So so sorry to hear about your pain. I think I can empathise with it.
I moved  (from a distance of 20,000 miles in NZ to a 10 mins walk distance) to be nearer ds and dil and help with the gc. I made that choice. I was looking forward to a family idyll where I would be the loving grandma, playing with the 3 year old while nursing the little newborn - how wrong can one be? I didn't heed friends' advice to reconsider - in I went into the dragon's den (well not quite that bad, but near). I've never encountered a situation such as this and I can plainly say that most of the time I am not happy. I made many mistakes and whenever I open my mouth in dil and ds presence I put my foot in ... UGHHHHH!!! Would I be more poular if I were  mute?
Still I see this situation as part of the rich fabric of life and for the moment I will hang in there for better or for worse. I know now that I cannot be 'goody two shoes', but I can ask them to respect me and I will respect them in return. My son is now a husband and a father and I have accepted this with gratitude, because he is doing a good job with looking after his family who is the focus of his life. I will be clear about the fact that I want to celebrate our differences from now on rather than see them as a negative. If that does not work, so be it. I will know that I have given it my best shot for the time being. If it doesn't work I will leave and hope that I will still be around and healthy when the grandchildren are ready to come to me on their own accord. Are we all trying too hard - and should we sometimes not follow the good advice and 'let it be?'

chemsford you are an angel to do what you are.     I wish I had advice for you but my instant feeling is if they knew youi are thinking this way things may be very different and they will either respect you more, and if they don't change there behaviour then fly the coop, don't let yourself be brought down by anyone. You need to be happy, you might lose your self esteem and become depressed if the situation doen's improve, you must put yourself first.