UGHHHH!!!!!

[Faithlooksup]

Hi Ladies!   I dont know if we will ever find the reasons "why" for only they hold the truths to that question and maybe someday they will share it~~but lets not hold our breath, and in the meatime lets just march forward and take care of ourselfs and be around people whom love and appreciate whom we are....

Sending Hugs across the miles...Faith

[Pooh]

Laurie!!!!  Behave!!!!!  Lol.

[luise.volta]

Wash out mouth with soap time. Or...soak finger tips in vinegar?

[Pooh]

She'd like the vinegar...go with the soap.

[erma]

     note to self, "why do i ask why"??   

[luise.volta]

How can such a sweet girl be so into vinegar?

[erma]

so are you saying vinegar cleans horse hooeey as well??     heeheeheehee.......

[Faithlooksup]

Funnnnnnyyyyyy Erma

[luise.volta]

i"m going to re-title this thread "Horsing Around!"

[erma]

hahahaahh!! love it!!!

[LaurieS]

I mean really, did you think I could let that go without notice?   I know that all of you noticed and said.. ahhh I'm not going to comment...  nope I'm not I'm not.

[luise.volta]

[Yoda]

I'm new here (and a DIL - sorry), but I do have a question.  Is it ever okay for your adult child to just tell you no and not give you a reason? 

***I am not saying that your son was wrong or right to say "because I said so", Erma.  I am simply curious about in general being told no and asking why not.***

I know that this was a common complaint of my MIL.  My husband and I would explain the reason for our no to her.  She would turn this around as a jumping off point to negotiate or try to pooh-pooh our reasoning.  It finally got to the point where we would respond with just "no" and "because I said no".  Unfortunately, it was usually me doing this, as my DH didn't want to deal with her or talk to her.  She would tell everyone else how I was so disrespectful of her position as DH's mother.  She did tell me once that I owed her an explanation.  I viewed it much differently than she did, and thought I was justified in not giving her reasons.  From reading on here for a few months, I'm just curious if some of the other MIL think they deserve an answer when they ask "why not"?

[luise.volta]

My take is that if the person is asking "why not" to start a debate...then the response is not respectful.

We can ask why and really want to know...so we can set up something else...but the pattern you describe seems like disrespect....because of the repetition. I would do the same thing. It's just like a little kid saying "why?" They really don't want to know...they want their own way.

[holliberri]

Yoda,

You make a very good point about "No" without a reason.  I don't think a reason really needs to be given. Trust that your child is doing the right thing for them and their own child, and if they say no, that is that. It doesn't need to be taken personally, and it doesn't deserve an inquisition.

I have been asked to list reasons as well, and every singe one gets turned around on me. It gets quite exhausting, and I dig my heels in further. In addition, legitimate reasons like, "We're going out of town", "birthday party" or other things have been thrown back in my face as "excuses," not reasons. I've been told to reschedule things we have planned as a family or wind up being on the receiving end of crocodile tears and guilt trips.

In reality, we ask strangers something, and if they tell us "no" we don't ask them "why not?" It is what it is. It spares a lot of energy just accepting that fact.