UGHHHH!!!!!

[erma]

well, just the same ole crap again!!! hello all. we've been backed off ds and dil and our gc for quite a while now. and if you read my other post about them moving in with her parents, then your up to speed. well, today i called my ds to ask if i could have gc for an afternoon, for a special outing. i bought a year pass to an aquarium and it ends next week. we have only gotten to take gc 2 times during the last year. he said "No". i asked why not? his answer was the smug answer i get all the time, which is "because i said so" ooohhhhhh the snotty little brat!  am i just setting myself up or what?  in the last 2 months, we've seen them more than we have all year. of coarse that makes me think dil is back to her normal M.O. which is, be nice until she gets what she wants, then SLAP ME IN THE FACE WITH RUDENESS!! which is what ds is doing. i know is my ds giving me the rude slap, but its her M.O. Now his too i guess.
I'm just mad at him, and mad at myself for letting my guard down. even for one little minute!
NEVER AGAIN WILL I TRUST THEM! at least not until they prove they can play nice.
we have been NOTHING but nice, and bending over backward for them. but as i said for my new years rez, no more of that! i AM trying to take care of me, i just wanted a day with my gc. but they are back to using gc as a pawn. all the while, her parents get to see gc on an almost daily basis, and soon to be daily!!!! I'm so tired....................just tired. i try not to be sad, or cry, but when a person has done nothing to deserve the rude behavior, it truly is hard. my part in this is, i asked to have an afternoon with my gc. THATS IT!! that's all...............and i get slapped!
slapped back into reality!!! this just is hard................having a bad day ladies......just need your support.

[MrsKitty]

Hi Erma,
That was really rude of your son and totally uncalled for. I wouldn't drag DIL into the picture on this one though, as DS is the one who made the rude comment, not your DIL. I know that it isn't the same, but can you make yourself feel better by taking another GC out for the afternoon (like I said, I know it isn't the same, but it might make you feel better and I'm sure it would make another GC feel good -- you do have another, right? I hope I'm not mixing you up with someone else). OK, now for my evil thought of the day: Next time your DS ask you for something, you can give him the same answer--"No, because I said so."  Ok, maybe not--that might be kind of childish (but it might make you feel better!). Sending positive thoughts your way...

[Pen]

Erma, I'm so sorry. It's just plain old sucky.

It may be too early to think about this, but I know there are lots of kids, especially ones with mild disabilities, whose parents would love to have a little respite or another adult to go along with them on an aquarium outing. There are programs like Big Sister for special needs kids who need to get out for socialization.

I know it's not the same, but it might be something to think about in the future.

[erma]

thanks girls...... nope, only one gc. yes i have thought many times about helping underprivileged children and such.  i worked the floors of the hospitals for 25+ years............so much pain there, don't know if i can deal in that sort of situation again. i feel like i have given my all in that realm for the time being. maybe in the near future......
and i too ask in that manner, another day perhaps?? but still his answer was no, and "becuz i said so" .     no, i cant involve dil in this one i am quite aware, just has always been her M.O., not his. but like i said, i guess its his now too. 
i just thought we were really doing good, and then WHAM! outta the blue, this alien speaks to me at the other end of the phone. i just feel sometimes like I'm being punished for being his mother. i don't "mother him" at all any more. not since he moved away for college many years ago. does anyone else ever feel like that? like their saying , you've been bad mommy, go to time out......... anyone?
ok, time for the hot tube and a glass or three of wine...........

[MrsKitty]

Hi Erma,
That stinks and is so rude. I think Courtney's comment is a really smart one, but I am guessing you have probably already tried that route.

Maybe it would help if you came up with a few snappy lines so that you do not feel blind sided when your DS makes a rude comment like that. Maybe something like: "Wow, did you wake up on the right side of the bed this morning? I'm not trying to challenge your parental authority, you are the father and you have the final say--I get that. I'd just like to know if it is the timing or the activity that is the problem."

Or: "Based on your rude reply, I surmise you are in a bad mood. Perhaps we can talk like two adults when you are feeling better?"

Answering like this may make you feel better, but it may anger him even more and you may not get to see your GC. You are certainly walking a tight rope here. 

[luise.volta]

Owie!! Sending love...

[Pooh]

Ha ha ha Courtney.  You so sound like me when it comes to FB.  I happen to love my FB page and being able to stay in touch with my relatives and my military son.  I enjoy the banter with my old school mates, and it is also my favorite way to annoy my DH.  He pays me back.  We have much fun out of it.

But about a month ago, my OS killed his and my DIL removed me from her friends list, out of the blue.  I was ticked!  The only postings I ever left on their walls was on holidays, birthdays or anniversaries.  So I had left maybe 5 comments in a year?  And I had posted the exact same one on both their walls, like "Hope the Easter Bunny comes and sees you.  Happy Easter!"  Stuff like that.  So I was ticked wondering why that she had booted me.  I called my OS and asked him.  He said they were having issues out of other people so he killed his and that DIL was removing everyone but her Mother and Brother.  (She had about 220 friends).  I went, Ok, so nothing to do with us?  He assured me it wasn't.  A month later, she still has 210 friends and the only people she removed was my side of the family.

Ok, I went from being ticked to finding amusement in it.  I found out from my YS that his brother told him that he was having problems with her Mother driving him nuts.  So I figured out that she did that in retalitation to him.  He had told her he was tired of her Mother butting into their lives constantly and showing up all the time. They bought a house 5 minutes from her in the Spring.  Lol!  What did he expect?  Silly rabbit.  But anyway, I figured it went something like this.  "Well, if you don't want to have anything to do with my family, I don't want anything to do with yours!"  No one on my side said or did anything to them, so I truly think this is what happened and it is a war between them. 

Now, here's the amusing part.  Her Mother is a friend on my page.  She invited me to be her friend right after the wedding over a year ago.  She has not once left a post on my wall or a comment.  I think she simply wanted to be nosy and see if I was saying anything about her daughter, since DIL doesn't like me.  And one thing I don't do, is post anything bad about anyone.  I never have and never will.  And now, after DIL has booted me, her Mother didn't!!!!

Hee hee hee!  I think she is simply wanting to see if I will say anything so she can report it back to DIL.  I started to boot her, to be childish about it, then decided it was much more fun letting her stay on there and see what a wonderful life I am leading!  I hope she enjoyed all my cruise and Disney World pictures!

[LaurieS]

My kids and I talked about FB.. two said that they really didn't want me to be their 'friend' I can understand that... I don't need to see everything in  their lives.. but my dd wanted access to my page... I said I think not... it's a two way street. 

My son who was deployed will use Skype and my other son who is about to head off to Japan will also contact me via Skype.. between that and emails I about have it covered.. I don't know maybe if I could lose some weight I'll contact more cousins and ex-boyfriends

[holliberri]

Courtney,

I was thinking about my FB habits. I unintentionally ignore my family on there. I talk to a lot of friends that I don't see because I use the tool more for social networking.  If I want to speak to my family members, I call, generally. I love both my parents and other family members on there, but I just don't communicate with them through that  medium. I think we are friends with one another to link up photos, that's it...no actual discussion or anything; and to keep people in the loop of what is going on in our lives, if they're interested. Also, the more one posts about their day, the more they are using the tool to let everyone know what is going on, I think; I don't think they're trying to reach out to anyone, really. Most people I know that constantly post statuses don't talk to hardly anyone on FB. My cousin will NEVER respond to my posts on her page, but she has 900 friends and is quite chatty. However, one-on-one, she's a delight; I've learned to keep my distance from her on FB, for her privacy.

Just a thought.

[Pooh]

I don't think they caused any problems.  And again, I never really commented on anything.  Just "Happy 4th of July, Happy Birthday hope it's great, etc."  Only on holidays and birthdays.  I never once commented on one of their posts or pictures or anything. 

But (there's that word), they never posted on mine.  I think I got a couple of "Thank You's" under my posts was about it.  So I don't think they caused any issues??  But who knows since they don't communicate with me.

I think if you and YD are having issues, I wouldn't.  If you can't talk on the phone or face-to-face, then I wouldn't leave any comments.  I can say that now if my DS got another FB or DIL sent me another friend request, I would deny it!  (And they were actually the ones that sent the requests to me to begin with.  I didn't send them one.)  However, I can only say that because I reached the place where I am done with their games.  Even if this whole thing had nothing to do with me and was in retalitation to each other, I am miffed about it.  I have always been one of these people that hate when people take out their anger on other people.  When someone makes me mad or upset, I do my darndest to still treat everyone else nicely. 

And during the last year when I was leaving those, I THOUGHT we were still having some sort of relationship.  This has all just come to a head since Thanksgiving. 

So Phooey on them!

[Pooh]

Sorry Erma, didn't mean to hijack your thread!  I also think what your Son said was very rude.  For you to call and ask and him to give you an answer like that was just wrong.

As you can see from my post, my Son moved 5 minutes away from his MIL and is now having issues with her.  I think your DS will learn the hard way and miss his independence.  Give it some time.

[holliberri]

Courtney,

I have family locally and across the world. I don't really talk to any of them on FB. My parents are local, so I see them. That's probably a bad example. I think if I lived far away from them, though, I would call. My brother and I love each other, but we don't communicate on FB either, even though we're friends on there. We don't call one another either. However, when we happen to see one another, we are very happy to be together. Yet, I am communicating with everyone from high school and work on there. Honestly, now that I think about it, I'm not sure what to say on family posts, aside from an occasional congratulations for a big achievement and a happy birthday. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing; if they feel forgotten about, it certainly isn't the case.

[LaurieS]

My son wrote on a wonderful blog when he first went to Japan.. I commented and all was fine but when I commented the second time within a week he asked that I curtail my comments.. he said it was like getting a kiss from your mom in front of your school friends.  I understood where he was coming from and went on without hard feelings.. that was when he started using Skype, between that and emails I stayed in contact and out of his social life:)  But that's just my kid..

[Pooh]

Lol.  I think that would be alot of our kids....

[holliberri]

Courtney,

I think you should try it. I have a difficult relationship wiht my MIL in person, but FB keeps it cordial. It has helped keep some level of communication going.

Best of luck!