Privacy Issues

[Faithlooksup]

I agree with you Creme all the way.....I have noticed lately we are not allowed to have our own views and thoughts on this sight, not to mention rudeness as well.... If you do not agree with someone so be it....Must their opinions be bashed on this forum because you do not agree?  I personally do not care if someone agrees with me or not, I am not here for that purpose... I Believe different opinions are valuable, with a connection within each one...a sentence, a single word can make a difference to someone....as I mentioned before let us disagree in Love not in ego.

We are all here to help one another not hinder and no ones opinion here is written in stone (except Luises...)

Also.....If you have nothing nice to say....Dont say anything at all.

[cremebrulee]

Laurie

My post to LL was not politically charged, nor was it a bashing of any kind.

What it was, was addressing LL's words about how her DIL's political rantings on FB upset her are she is embarrassed by them.

Laurie, I respectfully submit, that my posts last night nor today, were not politically driven and I'm so sorry you view them that way, however, it was not my intention in either case.

So, LL, what I was trying to say is...your DIL is young, and maybe so very passionate about her views, her beliefs, that she may seem to rant...

I'm not saying she is right, or wrong, and neither are you, what I'm saying is, ignore them and realize, she is who she is, even if her views don't go along with yours...LL...what is more important, being right or getting along with your family?

Remember, the more you fight this, the more it's going to effect your son...you and your entire family, is it worth it?  Not to me, I'd rather ignore my DIL's views, and get along...besides, we can't change people, all we can do is change our own attitudes.

I believe in all situations we have things to learn about ourelves, which helps us grow, as it did me....I could have fought my DIL's views tooth and nail, but it didn't get me anywhere when I did, if anything it made things worse and more heated, causing more hard feelings, arguing and it was heartbreaking...so, I hope you din't see my post as politically charged, but touching on your post, about how your DIL feels, and asking you, is it worth it to be upset about her feelings, or, is it better to learn how to ignore someone's beliefs, if they don't agree with yours...

You do have choices, and this doesn't have to be a war...it can be peacful and a very successful relationship if yoy take the lead, and not allow how your DIL feels to effect your happiness...and I would ask myself something...LL, do you get upset, if someone else disagrees with your views and opinions?  What I mean is, is it just your DIL or would you be upset, if I posted someting that didn't go along with your belief system?  Think about that, you don't have to answer me, but please understand, my only concern is that you have a peaceful life and relationship with your family, and DIL is your family to...we just have to learn how to get along with someone who doesn't think or feel like we do...

and I really hope you didn't think I was agreeing with your DIL's views....but more so, concerned for your realtionship and getting along...allowing someone they're views, and realizing, she's still young yet, and she will grow, mature and think differently tomorrow., just like we did...

I am sending you hugs and love
Creme

[Faithlooksup]

I agree with you again Creme....

[cremebrulee]

Ok, I went back and read the original post and all the way through, and got confused, so I owe Lancaster Lady an apology, as she wasn't even the original poster, and Tara was the women who was talking about her DIL's political rantings on her fb, which embarrassed and offended her...
So I was addressing Tara's post, and not LL's....forgive me for the mix up, but I was addressing the wrong poster...

Ladies sorry for the confussion...my mistake....

[Faithlooksup]

Nothing wrong with getting confused, it happens everyday....maybe our age? eyeglasses?  lots of conversations going on----posting one thing, posting another thing....LOL... It happens Creme...., but your advise was still on target.

[holliberri]

Tara,

I will never figure out the driving force between the emotion that runs behind politics. Raretly do politics need to be taken that far. Also, no matter what people post on Facebook about politics, someone is going to get offended. I bet, it is more than just you that did get offended, and you're probably not the only one that has "hidden" her newsfeed (although, as far as I know, you're her only MIL, so that does put you in that unique position!). I'm not sure why people equate Facebook with a podium, and I'm not sure why it is that people forget that everyone doesn't always agree with them. Either that, or people forget that Facebook is not a personal diary that no one will read.

If the language is particularly heated, you as MIL, should NOT engage her, and I think you're doing 100% the exact right thing. Politics just aren't worth it (even if they are worth it to your DIL).  For your own sanity, don't get upset at what she says; calmly sit back and know that she's being inappropriate, and that is GLARINGLY obvious on Facebook when people engage in violent politics on there. Plus, someone talking like that isn't allowing themselves the chance to have an open honest discussion about politics; they're never going to get the other side, and they're never going to work together with someone they consider an adversary. If you don't consider her antisocial in any other way, I don't think it is a huge problem. I think she will eventually see that more than likely, her newsfeed doesn't match the "mood" of whhat else is posted (but, I don't know who her friends are, so I can't say for sure), and begin some introspection.

I've noticed it seems to be a 20-something thing on there. My older friends don't do that, and if they do, they're A LOT nicer about it, talking about the issue not the person/party. Good luck, just remember, it is she that has forgotten that not everyone agrees with her, and that perhaps she has some family members that might not; it has nothing to do with you.

[luise.volta]

That's a hard one for most of us (certainly for me)..."What you think (about me, politics,whatever) is none of my business." We can be interested in what others think and how they project that...and we can, without being defensive, state what we think. Yet, often "never the twain shall meet." Sending love...

[Tara]

Good feedback everyone, thank you I've been reluctant to  repeat any of the things DIL said here as too inflammatory. 
I know I'm doing the right thing  by not even looking at fb at what is being written but its nice to be reassured.

[holliberri]

Tara,
People do like to post things for attention. By hiding her, you eliminated one audience member. That does take away some of the power behind her words.

[Tara]

Holliberri,

I didn't know that people do things for attention, but now that you say it, it makes some sense. 
She has a little following and when she says provocative things sometimes her 'friends'  agree but other
times they say "your so bad"  but with a wink. 

[Pen]

Way back when FB was new my DS "forbade" me from getting an account. Of course that made me want to get one, but after thinking about it I decided not to and I'm glad now that I didn't. Although it would be fun to catch up friends and relatives, I would be crushed if I saw something from DS or DIL that was even a little inflammatory or if they went overboard talking about how great their vacations with DIL's FOO are, etc. etc. Too much of that is hard to take sometimes. Worse than that would be getting blocked by either one of them. When I'm more secure in our blossoming relationship I may bring it up again and see what response I get.

[Tara]

Your approach makes good sense Pen. 

[Pen]

Tara, I have heaps of friends who think I'm nuts for bowing to the wishes of DS or for worrying about what I might read on FB. They say FB is loads of fun and that most people nowadays assume everyone's on it so that's how they communicate and I'm missing out on invites, photos of trips/new babies/celebrations, work related postings, etc.

Sometimes I'm tempted to not make good sense

I just watched an interview with a prof from MIT who believes that even with our overabundance of communication devices we're not as close as we used to be due to the shortened, somewhat false-front messages we send via tech media. She says this messaging style of communication has trained us to ask questions that don't  require long explanations, so we aren't gaining as deep an understanding of each other as we might have in the past. It's quantity over quality, I guess. Interesting take on modern times...

[forever spring]

Tara, I agree with you and the prof from MIT. FB is not about in-depth communication or gaining lasting friendships. I think it can be compared to 'old time gossip' over the fence and I take it for that. I can keep in touch with friends all over the world and when I meet up with them again, at least I'm updated on what they've been doing and we can then concentrate on our one-on-one relationship and take it from there. For example one of my friends is pregnant at the moment and through FB I have been able to see how she is coping with it, so when I see her again I wil be able to admire baby, having sort of been able to participate in her pregnancy in virtual space. That's all good. However, as with all technologies there is a down-side. That's what this posting is about and I do recognise this. My FB friends are not close family. Just cousins etc., same generation. I would never want to look at DIL or DS facebook site.
Louise, on a different topic, I think you and your postmaster Kirk are doing a sterling job. This site is so well monitored and organised. I have taken to looking at it frequently now and it has given me the opportunity to think about a lot of things connected to my own behaviour towards DIL and DS. Thanks for taking the time and energy.

[lancaster lady]

I agree FB can be a wonderful site for keeping in touch with long lost friends and relatives . However FB was the initial cause of the row between myself and my DIL .
An unoffensive comment not meant to hurt anyone made by myself and not aimed at her was taken out of context and blown out of all proportion.So now I am very wary of the comments I make on FB .why did she use this innocent remark as ammunition I will probably never know .However my DS has always warned me about upsetting her ,as in saying things ,so perhaps she is the type of person who takes offence at anything ,if she wasn't this whole episode would never have happened .