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boundaries

Started by Kinzey, October 16, 2009, 02:40:55 pm

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cremebrulee

January 07, 2010, 11:32:21 am #30 Last Edit: January 07, 2010, 11:44:30 am by cremebrulee
Quote from: just2baccepted on January 07, 2010, 10:52:42 am
Creme you totally have it together. You know?  I still can't understand why DIL's from other sites followed you here or were cruel to you.  Everything I've read that you've said sounds completely logical to me.  I want to recommend a book to you that I recently listened to on audiobook.  I felt so jazzed after I'd leave the gym after listening to this book.  But its called Attracting Terrific People by Lillian Glass.  My opinion is that if you want to attract terrific people then you must be a terrific person yourself otherwise you're going to run off these emotionally healthy/terrific people.  So what I'm trying to say is I think you're probably one of those "terrific" people and that this book gives tips on how to attract other terrific people!  The author says to run the other direction from people who are petty, insecure and jealous.  It was what I needed to hear.  God Bless


The reason the other DIL's hated me and some follow me around is b/c I wouldn't allow them to pin this problem with my DIL on me...they wanted me to take ownership...did I make some mistakes, yes, probably, but I know in my heart they were minor, and she blew them way out of porportion, b/c it was her created little soap opera to drive me out of they're lives...I tell you true...I am not an interferring mother in law...I refused to be after the one I had...and believe me, my MIL was a very strong willed sweet and giving lady and I love her to this day...we all have faults...we all make mistakes, we all say things we don't mean, but to hate someone for life, to keep your husband from his family, to drive a wedge between them on purpose or to make statements, like "I'll let my husband go visit his mother????"  Well, that is so not normal...sorry, but it isn't.   We don't own people, they are not our property...period...and there are a lot of MIL's who are really dysfunctional as well as DIL's...but you can tell the ones who are true blue, b/c they're not saying horrible get even things, or calling them horrible names, they are in fact, patient and understanding, like the DIL's in here...people don't say ugly things to each other, you take a lock before you say terrible things to someone, we were taught in church, you can kill someone with words, just a though you put a gun to they're heads and pulled the trigger...and quit frankly I have to wonder about some of these people who do do that, are they really trying to drive they're husband's mother over the edge?  Because that is what they're actions portray...they need to win at all costs...

I mean, they tried to make me believe that she was justified for throwing the stuff away that I bought for my GD...that she  was justified for jumping over a sofa into her husband's arms to make it sound like being home with me alone was the most God awful thing, they justified the fact that she spoke to me the way she did, when I went to visit them the last time, I was going to wine and dine them....all on me...I posted that I was paying for every single meal...and she wouldn't allow me once, to pick where I wanted to go...and we always had to go to these fast food places, which is ok, but once in a while I enjoy fine dinning and wanted to treat them...they justified that...they justified the fact that she wouldn't allow me to sit in the back with my GD...she wanted to...they justified the fact that she yelled at me when I asked her if I could help her in the kitchen..."Oh calm down and go away"....they justified her yelling at me in the pasture, when I saw my son on the horse, I smiled inside, and commented outloud, boy, I'd forgotten how he looks on a horse, and she goes off on me saying..."Wull, most of the time he can't handle him, then I have to get on him and calm him down"??????  They justified that...they justified the fact that when we were sitting in the resturant having our dinner, he was telling me about his job...she was insulted b/c he was having a conversation with his mother, so she jumps up, announces "READY" and walks out of the place...they justified that...and I could go on and on...she did the same thing in my apartment once...they justified the fact that My DIL needs so much attention all the time, that she is so jealous of any attention my son give to me...she lied to him many times about situations between her and I, so much so, that there was a time, I told him, I will not ever be put in a position where I'm alone with her....

They hated me, b/c they saw they're MIL's in me, and those that hated me, inclucing the one woman who followed me from site to site, (whome everyone thought was my DIL, as she acted just like her) was so jealous of me...everytime she accused me of something, others said, "Do you realize, she's accusing you of what she did".  She was so jealous of me, she posted a comment to another woman and we were all friends, and she asked that woman if we were friends before this website we were posting in...when the women replied no, she says..."Wull you have to be careful about the ulterior motives of some people" and I went like, "What the heck" and then she says, it wasn't about me?  Yeah right....

And she had the nerve to come to other sites, and come right into my threads and start in...????  I used to tell her...don't comment, stay away from my threads if I'm so offensive...but I suppose hate is the driving force?  I dunno,  I don't care...but she hated me so much, she was bound and determined to discredit me on other sites...she didn't know that I had friends there, and the monitors there wouldn't put up with her bull..they warned her and her buddies...

One of the biggest things and hardest things for me to control myself is, when I see someone picking on another person...man, I go ballistic...I'm talking about someone being down right nasty to someone else on purpose...that is the hardest thing for me....to control, and to keep my mouth shut.

I'm sorry for this vent, I just really hate it when people pick on others and get so ugly...there is no reason on God's green earth to do so.
but that's my story, I'll shut up now....LOL
Thanks so much

cremebrulee

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on January 07, 2010, 11:11:08 am
NO!! Creme can't have you!!  I want you.  Creme, you can have Isitme for 2 and 1/2 days out of the week....I get her the (wait a minute, there are 7 days in a week.  You get her 3 1/2 days and I get her the other 3 1/2)  :)


LOL...you are to funny!

Ok, ok, it's a deal...

isitme?

you ladies REALLY crack me up!  I can only imagine the look on my FMILs face if I told her I couldn't spend time with her because I was off running around with you two!!!!   ;D

Orly

Girls, Girls!  Really Creame and Chickie, you need to give Isitme at least ONE day to herself.  LOL, she might need some time for that personal grooming and soaking that is so important to a woman's sanity.  Ya think maybe?

cremebrulee

Quote from: Orly on January 07, 2010, 11:52:38 am
Girls, Girls!  Really Creame and Chickie, you need to give Isitme at least ONE day to herself.  LOL, she might need some time for that personal grooming and soaking that is so important to a woman's sanity.  Ya think maybe?


(looking down at the ground while pouting and kicking the dirt)

wull ok, ref......if I must, but Chickie has to give up a day to...


isitme?

Does BF get visitation rights?

2chickiebaby

 Yes, he can come but he has to stay with me when you go to Creme's.  :P

2chickiebaby

okay....one day to herself, Orly.  That's it, though. 

Orly

January 07, 2010, 12:46:04 pm #38 Last Edit: January 07, 2010, 12:51:25 pm by Orly
Quote,"Does BF get visitation rights?"

"Snicker"  What do you think I meant by "personal grooming", Isitme?

2chickiebaby

I understand what you went through, Creme...I saw it.  They did me the same way.  It was when I first started out asking for advice. (please, was I nuts? Going to the enemy to ask how to get in the barracks?)

They were so mean. I am talking about really mean and cruel.  No one will ever know how that knocked me down.  It was like a real live person was treating me this way.  I simply could not believe it.  Then, they started impersonating me.  OH!  Hurt beyond hurt.  Making fun of me the entire way.

I had to step back and say, "what is the matter with me?  How can I let people I don't know have this kind of effect on me?"

I was in the first throes of heartbreak and only wanted to know if what I was doing was right or wrong and how the new world was being run.  That's all.  They thought it was a game.  "let's get her"

I saw what they did to you and tried to defend you but boy, they don't like that.  They really must be the most unhappy people on earth to get their kicks out of 2 people who didn't know the Moon from the Earth at the time.  Very unhappy and sad people.  And, I tried to reason with them.  I am mad at myself to this day. 

The Moderators used this "head banging" Smiley face that they would use on me.  Like what I was saying was said by an idiot.  They let me go on and on and on, arguing with me all the time and then, without notice would ban me.

I'd get so sad!  Then, they'd start a new site.  When they did, they'd ask me real nice to join. I'd do it and wouldn't you know it?  They'd do the same thing over again and ban me too!

I'd never do anyone like that.  I'm afraid that's what a lot of the new world is made of, though. You have to be careful who you tell your story to. 


isitme?

chickie, that's terrible.  I still don't understand why they would be this way except to say they are sad and hurtful people.  Even someone who has been really hurt by their own MIL should not be treating others in such a way.  I was really angry and sad when I first joined this forum but I NEVER would have thought to put any of you down just because some other lady was mean to me!

Well I guess the only thing to do is stay away from such places and take some consolation in the fact that you are the better person for welcoming the other side here.  If it's any additional consolation - I've noticed that some of the harshest DILs on those sites often talk about how they gave up on their "mama's boy" decades ago and have been alone ever since.  They claim they are glad to be "free" but at the end of the day, they're still alone.  Hmm...kind of makes you think.

2chickiebaby

Thank you, Isitme...it was awful!  I guess they were so mad they took it out on me.  And, Creme too, if you can imagine. 

RedRose

ok....boundaries
Boundaries to me are just rules...rules were made to be broken...like when I was young.
I hate rules and boundaries...If you don't like what I am doing or saying just talk to me.
I have common sense...I know what is right and wrong...usually
Just talk to me and we'll discuss it...
Don't give me boundaries.

cremebrulee

2chickiebaby

I honesty didn't think of them as the enemy...but I'm actually shocked by your post here...so they called you back to?  We were called back several times to the MIL's website, but they allowed those DIL's to hammer us...one woman, a very kind soul...said, that's it, she's leaving...she said, the way they're attacking you and left go to do so, well, she was convinced the site was evil and they called up back so they could do that and get more people visiting the site...

Isn't that sweet?  I never knew...but suspected, b/c the one woman was really nice, until we came back, and then BAM....

Well, I suppose what all the mil's said about it WAS True?   :o

Was thinking about this site last night, and it's such a great site, and way overdue...the women here are fantabulous...I'm so thankful!

2chickiebaby

yes, Creme, it was hurtful and very destructive.  It was just like people you knew were attacking you.  I know it sounds ridiculous to others who haven't had that happen but it did and it was horrible.

I was totally naive and never dreamed anyone would take the time to jump on me and do that.  I learned but it took me a long time.