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Is This The Kind Of Thing MILS Do?

Started by catchingup, November 29, 2010, 01:38:07 PM

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Scoop

I'm glad you guys understand where I'm coming from.  And I do feel badly for the MIL's here that had absolutely no chance with their DIL's. 

pam1

Quote from: luise.volta on February 15, 2011, 08:38:21 AM
I still drift (pun intended) toward my fantasy of putting the offending IL on a raft and pushing her out into shark infested waters.

(The pun is about those who want to do the same with me.  ;D ;D ;D)

Heh, on some of my darker days I would have willingly swam out there alone just to get away from her!
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pooh

Quote from: pam1 on February 15, 2011, 09:32:04 AM
Quote from: luise.volta on February 15, 2011, 08:38:21 AM
I still drift (pun intended) toward my fantasy of putting the offending IL on a raft and pushing her out into shark infested waters.

(The pun is about those who want to do the same with me.  ;D ;D ;D)

Heh, on some of my darker days I would have willingly swam out there alone just to get away from her!

And my Ex-MIL was so horrible, the sharks would have ran from her!

But seriously, I wish we could pair up the DILs in this forum with the MILs in this forum.  Oh what fun we would have! 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Perfect! Put 'em on the raft together! Bye....
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Scoop

Wait ... what?  Are you putting the MILs & DILs on this forum together on a raft in shark infested waters?

Hey now!

luise.volta

Gosh, no...just the ones we complain about... ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

SaadMom

[[/quote]

I call it banging my head on the drywall.

And I am in the same position as you, so I do understand.  I think it is harder for some of the DILs to understand what a MIL feels about the loss, unless they have experienced it.  Because as a DIL, when my Ex-MIL and I couldn't get along, it was no great loss to me.  Don't get me wrong, I hated it and would have liked it to be different, but this was not a person I had known my whole life.  This was not my flesh and blood and I held no automatic love for her.   But when a Mother loses her DS/DD, it is hurtful.  We have loved this person since they were conceived.  We have given our heart and soul for this person and they are the most important person in the world to us.   

It annoys me to see people put on here, "That's how it's supposed to be. Those are your expectations."  No, it's not how it's supposed to be.   Yes, those are my expectations.  I want to have a relationship with the person I gave birth to, nutured and loved my entire live.  Do I have expectations that when he/she has children that I get to love and hug that little person?  You betcha.  It's it because I feel entitled?  No, it's because I feel love and want to share it with that little person that has some of my genes and hopefully, some of my spirit


So hold your head up Hope.  We see them and know who they really are...hopefully one day they will see us and remember.
[/quote]

IMHO


Hi Ladies, I'm traveling right now; but could not stay that much longer without cking WWU!
POOH almost brought me to tears, her statement is so true.  We (DIL) all have to remember, one day  we'll  be wearing the MIL "hat";  and how painful it must be to be push aside just because..... I know some  situations are "extremes" and you should not tolerate any kind of abuse or disrespect from ILs or anyone. Hugs

P.S. The raft idea is freaking me out ;D ;D ;D

LaurieS

Quote from: lancaster lady on February 15, 2011, 09:22:50 AM

He will not go against his partner no matter how much he thinks of his FOO.
The only way is through the mom, like it or not ,takes courage .

I see what you are saying LL, but doesn't the real courage come to light when he knows that he has an equal partnership in his relationship and he can think about and react to the whole picture.  This 'new' parenting style, I don't understand how they could be into this style for almost a year and your son never mentioned it to you, was he aware of this style or is he protecting his gf at this point?   This should not be about him saying, I stand by my dw/gf and forget all the values that I strongly believed in my entire life. I think it takes a stronger personality to not to totally lose yourself in someone else's thought process.

Barbie

Okay guys, what's the solution if the GP's want to see the 'little family' more often than they're comfortable with?  Who wins?  Or better yet, what's a good compromise?

If it's just about 'contact', you could send cards or letters - kids LOVE getting mail.  Put a sheet of stickers in there and you're GOLDEN.

If you both have computers, you could try SKYPE.  It's actually really easy to install (and free), but you need a webcam and a microphone.  My DD loves-loves-loves to sing and dance for Grandma (mostly because she can see herself on the computer screen).

As always, I suggest working on your relationship with your son.  One of my lines is "You can't MAKE me do anything, but you can almost always make me WANT to do something".  So make them WANT to have a relationship with you.



Scoop,

DH and I would love to see our GD once a week, interact with her, take her to the park, etc., but that's impossible since they live 3 hours away, however, we could see her more often than we do but we're not allowed, DIL has no problem getting in the car and coming to see her FOO and by the same token, her FOO is always welcomed in their home but not us, this is where my jealousy kicks in because we're not treated the same way.

DS and I are always working on our relationship, we take a step forward and once in a while a step backwards, I admit it's mostly my fault because of my jealousy.

catchingup

Quote from: Scoop on February 15, 2011, 10:32:44 AM
Wait ... what?  Are you putting the MILs & DILs on this forum together on a raft in shark infested waters?

Hey now!
Well here is a good one.
This was listed for sale on internet as ideal for framing MIL's picture but "Be careful you dont tear it the teeth are very sharp"

luise.volta

To me that is more sad than funny. I don't know why...maybe too graphic. Or maybe because it's out there and my raft was a kind of in-house fantasy? Probably just me.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

It's the social stigma that is attached to the title Mother-in-law   For that reason I introduce my MIL(which i use here for clarification) as my mom.. funny when I introduce my own mother.. I say this is my mother.. even if I don't call her mother in real life. they are both just Mom.

I could almost understand a comedian using MIL jokes for a laugh, but to many times even women do this without any forethought.  As I said before at my DIL's wedding shower held at her church, with 98% church women, one said.. let all get up  and say who we are and how we know this young lady.. as an example she said well you can say, I'm the dreaded MIL.. blah blah blah... I raised my hand and stood at the same time.. NO ONE was going to go ahead of me and said yes well I guess to you all I am the dreaded future mil.. but I prefer to be known as my son's mother.  Ok that kinda shut them up, at least till my back was turned... I may have been given a new title other then mil at that point.

pam1

Quote from: Pooh on February 15, 2011, 10:07:19 AM
Quote from: pam1 on February 15, 2011, 09:32:04 AM
Quote from: luise.volta on February 15, 2011, 08:38:21 AM
I still drift (pun intended) toward my fantasy of putting the offending IL on a raft and pushing her out into shark infested waters.

(The pun is about those who want to do the same with me.  ;D ;D ;D)

Heh, on some of my darker days I would have willingly swam out there alone just to get away from her!

And my Ex-MIL was so horrible, the sharks would have ran from her!

But seriously, I wish we could pair up the DILs in this forum with the MILs in this forum.  Oh what fun we would have!

Yes, it would be :)
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

pam1

Now I feel really bad for my stepmom lol.  When I introduced her to DH I said to him "this is your future step mother in law, dun dun dunnnnnn!"  Double whammy, that.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Tara

thats it Laurie!  The term Mother In Law does involve stigma.  why did it take me so long to realize that?