October 18, 2019, 05:45:56 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Is This The Kind Of Thing MILS Do?

Started by catchingup, November 29, 2010, 01:38:07 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

holliberri

Sensitive issue, my parents divorced after 17 years. No doubt in my mind that each one of them did the best they could!

luise.volta

Here we are again. I have posted this before. It's my most recent Kirk and Mom picture. The day this was taken, he had called me to wish me Happy Birthday. As you all know, he lives in Hawaii and I live in W. WA. I was entering a restaurant with a friend...(it was a set up)...when Kirk tapped me on the shoulder. I still had my cell in my hand thinking he was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean when I got my Birthday Bear-hug.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I married at 19 and yes I was dumb.  Stayed in it for 21 years, which was also dumb, and got two Sons out of the deal.  And like Luise has said before, one thinks I hung the moon, the other doesn't contact me. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LaurieS

Quote from: holliberri on February 16, 2011, 12:12:23 pm
Sensitive issue, my parents divorced after 17 years. No doubt in my mind that each one of them did the best they could!

Do you think your parents stayed in the relationship longer for your benefit?  If so do you think you would have rather they parted earlier in your life?

holliberri

Mom had two affairs and the divorce was awful.

Out of 17 years...I think 22 months were pretty rough going for a while.

Other than that, everything was usual. I don't  consider myself having come from a broken home (my MIL likes to say that to me a lot too). I was a very happy child, what was going on between my parents was really going on between them. High school was bad, but I think I was self-centered then.

I think that if they lasted 17 years, they may not have been "in love" but they must've loved each other. When I hear them talk about one another (they're good friends), I think they see the same things I do.

It may not have been easier if they divorced earlier; it was quite convenient for me to have my parents married. If they did divorce earlier, I'm sure I'd find a way to be happy about that too.


pam1

What is it with the broken home stuff?  Seriously...ugh, I'm sorry you had to hear that Holli.  I can't stand when people use that line
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

I feel like the term 'broken home' is just used when someone doesn't know what else to call it..  you would feel worse if they referred to you as coming from a 'dysfunctional family"  oh the one that gets me is you are a product of a divorce.  It would be insulting if your families situation was used  as a weapon as if to say that you are acting out in a certain way because of "your broken home"

Hey Holli.. glad your parents are now able to call each other friends.... I would hope I could find it within myself to rebuilt that relationship based on friendship, for the sake of the kids, but more so for my own sake.. Bitter divorced women have more wrinkles :) 

luise.volta

I was the "victim" of parents who loved each other dearly and stayed married forever. They shouldn't have done either.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

pam1

i don't feel like it is the term "broken home."  It's the intent usually said behind it.  It sounds much more sinister for my MIL to say I come from a broken home rather than oh Pam's parents divorced.  It's a p/a jab when said in most cases.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

yeah I guess most words can be delivered with a sting if that is the intent.

so Pam.. now that you have the support of your husband and he is seeing life much more clearly.. what is it you want to do about your in-law situation.. It kinda sounds to me like he is saying.. it's time.

pam1

No, he isn't saying anything at all.  He knows how I feel and it aint happening.  And he told me he doesn't want it to happen anyway, so guess we are just....there...lol
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

LaurieS

I'm not saying that he wants to cut his mother out of his life.. but he does see that this isn't working the way it is right now, or did I misread something

pam1

Yeah, it's a little confusing.  She is cut off for now.  If she gets professional help and we see real improvement there may be a possibility one day to reconnect with her as a family.

As it is now, DD and I haven't seen her since it all went down and DH has avoided her as much as he can without taking legal action.  For example, calling and showing up at his work.  That's his thing so I don't ask much about it, other than the V Day stuff she took to work, but I figure it's his battle and I don't need anymore worrying.  I figure he will get embarassed enough one of these times to do something about it.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

holliberri

Quote from: pam1 on February 16, 2011, 01:58:00 pm
i don't feel like it is the term "broken home."  It's the intent usually said behind it.  It sounds much more sinister for my MIL to say I come from a broken home rather than oh Pam's parents divorced.  It's a p/a jab when said in most cases.


Oh, ditto. It's synonymous with product of divorce and dysfunctional family (which family isn't dysfunctional?). My home was still a home.  Nothing wrong with not talking about my divorced parents at all, unless it  comes up, and I can't think of many situations it would.

MIL likes to imply that she's the authority on my marriage b/c she has 34 years experience (or something like that). I couldn't possibly have any leverage in my own marriage b/c my parents are divorced. She really sat us down the day after our wedding to explain that, "I think the length of my marriage demonstrates tremendous success on mine and DH's part, so if you both need help in working out arguments or how to talk to one another, I think we'd make excellent candidates to talk to."

This followed by a, "Oh, sweetie, it must be so hard coming from a broken home, I can't imagine you felt very loved."

Classice one-two punch, if you ask me.

Then again, I never liked being called a victim of circumstance.

Pam, sometimes I wish I could buy you a coffee.

LaurieS

oh I like skinny vanilla lattes if you're offering