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Is This The Kind Of Thing MILS Do?

Started by catchingup, November 29, 2010, 01:38:07 pm

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catchingup

One of my sons friends phoned me today complaining about her MIL.
Apparently she is very interferring. This young girl has just come home from hospital with a new baby and her 7 year old tells her "granny was here and she went through your cubboards" ::) :o >:
Apparently she asked her husband not to allow his mother there when she was in hospital because she is like this. Husband apparently did nothing to stop his mother from searching through her personal items.

luise.volta

I'd wait for something more serious than that. Some people are snoopy. She can't change the spots on a leopard and neither can DH. (IMHO.) MILs are just people and people come in every possible guise.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Faithlooksup

Hi Catchingup!!  I do understand what you are saying, but if Granny was going thru the cubbards I am taking this as in Kitchen?! ( Which I do not feel is personal and that is in MHO... :-\  )  If so perhaps Granny was just going to cook something or checking out what was their to make this or that...NOW if Granny was going thru her dresser drawers, or her
purse  than that is a definate YIKES!!! :(   Plus, at times our little 7year olds can fabricate a story and make it larger than what it really was or is.......

HUgs, Faith

LaurieS

That was my first thought as well... I don't tend to keep my personal items in the cupboards.  My mother-in-law when I had just gotten home from having a baby, went into my pantry, took note of what I was missing and then went to the grocery store to stock up on pantry items.  Of course the final result was some extra goodies and feel good food items for both my children and myself.  Mom even wiped down the cabinets etc since I had belly full of reasons to fall behind in housework.

This same person(mil of sd's/bff) might not think twice if her own mother was looking for an item and opened the cupboard door.  Some people spend way to much time on those darn witch hunts.   

catchingup

December 06, 2010, 02:45:11 pm #4 Last Edit: December 06, 2010, 02:48:21 pm by catchingup
"Wag n bietjie"" That means "Wait a minute" in Africans.
She went through my bedroom cubboards and draws.
Hubby confirmed it.

Oh sorry this referred to my sons friend. Her Mil went through her wardrobes.She probably confided in me because she knows what my MIL was like

LaurieS

Sorry.. different parts of the country concerning terminology.  We  don't even call them cupboards down here in Texas, they are cabinets, and pantries.. and wardrobes are my antique armoires and my closets are closets.  No wonder why I didn't know what boxing day was.

Well I hope that while she was looking that she got an eye full.  Maybe her son's hidden girlie magazines. Obviously her dh didn't mind his mom sorting through his private areas.. but once again.. where is the husband in all this?  Why is the husband always excused like he's a moron sitting in some corner not noticing what his mother is doing?  Everyone is so quick to jump on the MIL, which is at times well deserved, but the dh's hold no responsibility for anything.. makes no sense to me

Faithlooksup

Hi again, perhaps the husband should be questioned about this....And then maybe MIL did the laundry and  was putting it away for them.  I have done that for my DS and DIL.  Perhaps just simply as MIL about this and the reasons will be uncovered.....Honesty is always the best policy. Peace...Faith :)

Mariatobe

I'm the type of person who doesn't want someone other than me or husband to go into drawers.  Its too personal.   I frankly don't need MIL seeing my underwear.  Plus, she told DH she didn't want MIL over there because of this.  He disregarded her wishes while she was having their baby.  Shame on DH.  MIL may be doing laundry to help, but I somehow don't think so.  I think she's just being nosy and DIL knows this.

luise.volta

If the mother was in charge of DH as he grew up (which she had to be) and his years of rebellion didn't quite work...maybe, to DH... his mom is still in charge in some way, even unconscious. If he wasn't allowed to question her or cross her without dire consequences, he may take that training into his adult life.

Just a thought...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Fair's fair. Some adult children "make themselves at home" in their parent's house but don't extend the same courtesy to MIL. My DS thinks nothing of coming in and rooting around for a snack, but we don't even us the restroom at his house w/o asking.

The same with gossiping about personal stuff - if a DIL/DS doesn't want MIL talking about their medical issues or finances, they need to be sure they aren't talking about MIL's. Just sayin'.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Mariatobe

Pen - I'm sorry I didn't understand your last post.  Are you saying its okay to root through DIL's things?

Louise - I like what you said.  This relates alot to my DH.  He had consequences from his dad if he didn't listen to his mom.  Then he passed when DH was 18.  DH feels in some way he still needs to take care of her, even though she's remarried.  Sometimes I feel she is still in charge of him.  She will guilt him nonstop until he's "compliant".

Pen

Mariatobe, of course not, and I think you know that.  ;) I do not want to root around in DIL's stuff, trust me.

I'm just saying that there seem to be different rules for some of us. How many kids and their spouses come home and snoop in their parent's/IL's stuff? My SM was a major snoop at her MIL's (my GM's); she had all the good stuff scoped out and made out like a bandit when GM was moved to a senior facility. She would have flipped out if GM had opened so much as a kitchen cupboard at her house.

If DIL and DS were in my home and I wasn't around, I'm pretty sure DIL would snoop for ways to put me down - oh, look, the garage isn't tidy. Why isn't the Tupperware shelf better organized? Why doesn't your mom have a closet system yet? etc. etc. She's constantly commenting on our lifestyle and feels entitled to do so.

DILs have legitimate gripes about snoopy/gossipy MILs - I'm just saying it can go both ways and should be seen as equally heinous.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

holliberri

I have quite a few friends who will brag about snooping. I doubt their ILs are off limits. Supposedly, that's how you learn "a lot" about someone.  ::)

My guess is: if someone does it, they are equal opportunity and do it to everyone; if they don't, they'd NEVER dream of doing something like that.

Mariatobe

See, I have the opposite problem.  MIL wouldn't think twice about going through anything in my house.  And I do mean ANYTHING.  But if I so much as open a cupboard in their house without asking, I'm accused of snooping.  My MIL lives a few streets over, a few months out of the year.  She got a brand new kitchen.  My parents didn't see it for months as they left right after it was put in.
Fast forward 6 months, IL's come back to town.  Invite family over.  Says to my mom, "Well, I'm SURE you already saw it."  Implying I took my mom over there to SNEAK a look.  My mom looked at her like she was nuts.  "No, I didn't have the pleasure."    I can just see nanny cams set up in their house to see if anyone is snooping.  She's quite the pill.  I wouldn't go over there without my DH if I was paid too. 
::)I would be accused of all kinds of stuff.http://www.wisewomenunite.com/Smileys/default/rolleyes.gif

cremebrulee

Quote from: catchingup on November 29, 2010, 01:38:07 pm
One of my sons friends phoned me today complaining about her MIL.
Apparently she is very interferring. This young girl has just come home from hospital with a new baby and her 7 year old tells her "granny was here and she went through your cubboards" ::) :o >:
Apparently she asked her husband not to allow his mother there when she was in hospital because she is like this. Husband apparently did nothing to stop his mother from searching through her personal items.


Personally, I think it is inexcusable....I never even went thru my son's things....his room was his personal sanctuary, and I could never do that....people need a certain amount of privacy and if someone came to my home and I trusted them enough not to go thru personal belongings, and I found out they did, that would be the end of our friendship and I don't care who it was....trust would be broken...period....what the heck would someone do that for?  I'm sorry, but that really makes me very angry, that someone has to be so nosey????

Unbelievable?????