Feeling left out in son's wedding plans, what should we do?

[LaurieS]

I don't know if babies really need other babies to learn socialization.  But that is also coming from a mother who never used daycare.  When my dd entered pre-school it was obvious which kids had been in day care and which had not.  Now 23 years later, you can't tell by their achievements which had done what as a baby.

[holliberri]

Well, either way, I can't and neither could any of her GPs given her access to other children, which is what I wanted her to have.

Also, it may save me a lot of trouble when she starts school. She'll already be used to a structured, public environment. I sobbed and kicked and screamed for the entire year of preschool. My mom's lucky I didn't know about home schooling then. I just wanted to be with her. Dd ges to daycare and there's no doubt she's happy there, and she gets excited seeing the other babies. It has advantages as well as disadvantages.

[penelope]

WOW!! 1200 a month,I use to have an in-home daycare,shut it down becouse I had an in-ground pool,my homeowners would not cover~and I worked in daycare, when I didn't do that I worked nights so my ds's were never in one,but...I think the interaction with the other kids is good,I seen alot of kids get picked up,taken home,fed and put to bed..so the only mental stimulation was daycare:) I always got mad when moms dropped them off on days off to go shopping,one mom dropped kids off,went back home and planted flowers,her ds had anger issues,poor kid. Holliberry,does that include meals? I miss the little ones,but as I get older,I have a short attention span:b I drove school bus to,at first I was scared of the high schoolers,turned out it's the elementary one's you gotta be affraid of!! lol

[Pen]

No matter what childcare decisions we make (less income, no daycare vs. more income, daycare), or whether they're based on necessity or desire (feed the family or buy new Jaguar), we'll hear about it later. I chose NOT to work when my kids were little. We struggled, but I think I made the right choice. Now DS is blinded by bling and may be telling DIL I was a lazy, stay-at-home mom rather than a high paycheck career woman. Who knows? Maybe one day he'll understand.

[penelope]

I waitressed,so it wasn't bling money status:b found out wouldn't get rich working for dh either!!! hahaha so stay-at-home mom now,best part,kids are all grown,I am home with 3 very spoiled dogs..and live simple....for now:) all funds are tied up into retirement,if all goes as planned,someday I'll be sitten on the beach,kids can visit or not:) lol

[stilltryen]

My oldest son never went to a daycare, between me, hubby and parents, he was always watched at home.  However, we had loads of kids in the neighborhood and I was the only mom who worked during the day.  My folks would come to my house to watch him and he socialized with all the neighborhood children.  The youngest was watched at home until we moved several states away.  He was put in a daycare at age 4, but was only there 5 hours a day - and the next year, only about an hour after school.  (He had morning kindergarten).  Both turned out just fine.  So, really, I have no issues putting children in daycare, but I do with putting a 3 month old baby in there.  I simply don't think the caregivers would have enough time to really hold the baby and interact as much as I would.  The baby would certainly not get the love, attention and care that I would give her, and as I mentioned, I'm sure that the extra $$$$ could go to some other place, finish paying college loans, finish paying a vehicle off, etc.

That being said, I can only offer, I can give my advice, but, in the end, it's their decision.

[holliberri]

I have no issues putting children in daycare, but I do with putting a 3 month old baby in there.  I simply don't think the caregivers would have enough time to really hold the baby and interact as much as I would.  The baby would certainly not get the love, attention and care that I would give her.

My DD is held, loved and cared for just fine, both by her daycare providers and me and DH...as much as any other baby out there, and she's been in daycare since she was 2 months old. I had qualms about it at first, but I have no doubts about my decision. If I had the option of part time dayare, I would've done that, but DH needed my help with the bills. Now that I have seen how well she's doing-I wouldn't change a thing. It's been the best thing for her.

Believe me, no way is better than another. My DD gets all the attention in the world, is very well adjusted, has met all of her milestones, and hasn't even been sick with the exception of a cold.

The money is a different story, but I don't think a daycare with 3 babies per caregiver (2 caregives, 6 babies), is going to give a baby any less attention than me when I have cleaning, cooking and shopping to do.

My MIL repeatedly voiced her "concern" over daycare. Her issue with the daycare has added to our problems, which doesn't make sense b/c she lives like 10 states away and can't offer caregiving for me. She FINALLY saw the benefit of it when SIL tool her 2 yo to daycare for the first time and he finally slept through the night. Apparently SIL wasn't giving him enough stimulation during the day (grain of salt b/c this is what my MIL said), and made a passing comment that the boy should've been in daycare all along. I'll take that as all the pat on the back I will get from her, even if it is a kick to my SIL the same. The truth is, she has no idea. She's never seen my daycare, she doesn't know my DD, and doesn't really know how our needs can best be met.

Each choice has just as many pluses and minuses as the other. There are single moms out there doing just fine that have no option of outside help, that have no choice but to put their children in daycare. They're certainly not putting their kids at any disadvantage because of that, and I have no doubts that their children are loved, get lots of attention and care.

[Pooh]

Both of my boys were in day-care because I worked full-time.  I did move them from one to another, because I could tell how unhappy they were at the first one.  After dropping in a couple of times in the middle of the day, I saw how little interaction they were getting there and moved them to a different one that was recommended.  They were great with them and the boys loved it there.

If my Mom didn't work and could have watched them, I would have taken her up on it though.  But honestly, it would have been to save the money because there wasn't anything wrong with the day-care they were in.  Now, my Mom is the type that would have taken them places.  Parks, Zoos, Aquarium...etc.  So I think even with her watching them, they would have had interaction with other children. 

My #1 choice would have been to stay home with them.  But it wasn't because I thought day-care was bad, just because I would have liked to have been with them more.

[holliberri]

My #1 choice would have been to stay home with them.  But it wasn't because I thought day-care was bad, just because I would have liked to have been with them more.

Haha. I drop in early and often.  I think if your daycare is lacking, there are signs. Parents just know.

I would love to stay home too, but I have to admit, it's for my own selfish reasons than of any thing my DD might've been missing out on. Plus, after bills, daycare, and other things, my job does leave a little left over for fun things like Gymboree, the zoo and the aquarium. We're taking her to a car show this weekend though...mom and dad gotta have some fun too! Plus, I think DH wants to get her started on engines early.

[Pooh]

I was working just to pay the bills cause my Ex wasn't very good about keeping a job for long.  But even if I had bunches of money, I too would have stayed home for selfish reasons. 

[penelope]

aww~gotta love a girl who knows cars~as years went by we realized it was costing me more to work,my money went to eating out alot,I worked alot of different shifts,that and the cost of gas for my truck,there was no extra,being paid daily meant I spent it daily,and you can't budget as you never know what you'll make,as soon as my dh made his last payment on the store I was able to stay home,we don't pull 1 penny out of there,I guess the first 5 to 7 years it all goes back into it,we have learned to live very simple:) and it seems like we can do more now than ever..weird

[Pen]

With a disabled kid it was hard to find reliable care. I stayed home for the first years with her & DS. Once she was in school, DS was raring to go as well, so he was in part-time daycare while I worked, and I've worked ever since. I remember daycare issues being the most stressful part of working...even if the care provider is fabulous what do you do when the child is ill? It was often a struggle. DDD was a challenge and we'd lose sitter after sitter, I could never rely on anyone. I worked because we needed my income, but it would have been much easier to stay home. I really loved being with my kids.

[holliberri]

Pen,

I thankfully haven't had DD with a fever or vomiting yet, so I'm one of the fortunate few. But, I'm going to have to buck up and part with my leave that I've accrued once it happens. I get unlimited sick time, so I never take a sick day for that reason. My sick days are to be used for sick baby days.

It's never 100% easy, is it?

[RedRose]

I have no issues putting children in daycare, but I do with putting a 3 month old baby in there.  I simply don't think the caregivers would have enough time to really hold the baby and interact as much as I would.  The baby would certainly not get the love, attention and care that I would give her, and as I mentioned, I'm sure that the extra $$$$ could go to some other place, finish paying college loans, finish paying a vehicle off, etc.

I agree....I have been watching my grandson (now 4 1/2 Months old) 2 days a week and my daughter's MIL has him 3 days. This arrangement works out great.

This baby gets a lot love and care from both sets of grandparents. Nothing Better.

[holliberri]

There's probably nothing better for you, and since your DS and DIL decided that works for them, they obviously agree with that. But that doesn't work for everyone; and that might not work for StillTryen's DS and DIL.