Feeling left out in son's wedding plans, what should we do?

[luise.volta]

Appreciation? 

[stilltryen]

Yeah, you're right Luise, the word is "appreciation."  Still have a long ways to go before love.  I always sign off on my emails, Love, XXXXX, but she never does.  She'll just sign her name at the bottom.  Oh well! 

[LaurieS]

I typically don't even sign my name to emails unless it's business oriented ... You should be pleased that she is sending you emails..  nice ones

[elsieshaye]

I always sign off on my emails, Love, XXXXX, but she never does.  She'll just sign her name at the bottom.  Oh well!

I never sign my emails "love," even to my son.  It's just not me.  It doesn't mean I don't love the people I'm talking to.

[holliberri]

I never did either, and now...I sign them like that, just to MIL. She thought I was insensitive for not signing like that, so I do it just to play nice. It's contrived.

[stilltryen]

No, I don't really care if she signs "love" or not, it's no big deal.  Our family is big and expressive and we always say "love."  I do it mostly so that she can never whine to DS that I treat her differently.  She kind of does that at times.  For example:

The whole family always gets together for holiday dinners.  At Thanksgiving, I asked all the grandkids to take a shot with their grandparents, my folks.  DIL was pregnant at the time and immediately started walking away.  I said, "No, you need to be in the photo."  She replied, "Oh?  You've never asked me to be in pictures with your parents before, or is it because I'm pregnant now with your grandbaby?"  We all rolled our eyes.  The following day, I emailed her photos from past holidays where, oh, guess what?  She was in all the photos with my parents and the grandchildren.  I sent them on to her, along with a nice email that said something to the effect of how I was sharing some past holiday photos with her.  She asked my son why I had done that and my son asked to look at them.  Then he said, "Oh, look!  You're in all the photos with my grandparents, didn't you say that you'd been excluded in past years?  Was that a 'hormonal baby coming' moment?"

Love my son!  He gets it and will point things out - and he gives her an out, if she wants it.  Message sent, message received.

[holliberri]

StillTryen,

It sounds like your DS is impressively straddling the fence!

[stilltryen]

DS is wonderful.  He is very level headed and pragmatic.  He gets it that women are over the top emotional at times and he's learned to deal with it.  He never lets her get away with stuff, but has no problem telling me when he thinks I'm not acting correctly either.  Mostly, since they live about a half hour away, we get along just fine.  There are still moments, but as I posted earlier, DIL realizes that since I don't work, and I'm more than happy to watch the baby, that she's pretty much got it made. 

[holliberri]

My daycare is $1200/mth and double if you have two. She does have it made. :/

Did DS have sisters? I'm wondering where he picked this up from. (Of course, he HAD to learn it from a sister!).

[LaurieS]

I got stuck on the 1200 a month.. are you kidding... really ... for one kid.. wow

[holliberri]

Yeah. It's a crime. Really. I keep telling myself how good it is that DD's getting socialized and it's somehow worth it.  That's on the cheap end of the scale.

I used to say, "I already pay taxes...I'll never pay for private school." And now, here I am...

[stilltryen]

Did DS have sisters? I'm wondering where he picked this up from. (Of course, he HAD to learn it from a sister!).

Nope, I had two sons - no daughters. 

[stilltryen]

My daycare is $1200/mth and double if you have two. She does have it made. :/

Ooops, didn't address this one.  Yeah, I told them that I would watch the baby when DIL goes back to work.  (She's off for 3 or 4 months right now, staying home with the baby, and she already says it's driving her nuts, but she hates her job, so doesn't want to go back to work either.)  At any rate, the other night DS says that DIL wants me to watch the baby on Mondays, she'll be at the daycare on Tuesday-Thursday and her mom (who has Fridays off) will watch her on Friday.  I said, "Are you nuts?  One of the reasons I was volunteering to watch the baby was so that you two wouldn't have to put out so much money for the daycare.  Besides, she's a little baby, you honestly think that putting her in a daycare is going to be better for her than someone who loves her?"  He was hemming and hawing, saying the daycare came highly recommended, etc., etc. and then came the kicker, evidently DIL thinks that if I watch the baby all week, the baby will get more attached to me than to HER mother.  I told him that I thought that was the height of stupidity and if they were going to do that, to go ahead and put her in daycare all week.  I said I would rescind my offer and they could just put out the $$$$$$ to satisfy DIL.  The subject hasn't been brought up again, but I'm sure I argued enough that my son will think two or three times about it before making a final decision.

[LaurieS]

I told him that I thought that was the height of stupidity and if they were going to do that, to go ahead and put her in daycare all week.  I said I would rescind my offer and they could just put out the $$$$$$ to satisfy DIL.  The subject hasn't been brought up again, but I'm sure I argued enough that my son will think two or three times about it before making a final decision.

This might go under the topic that Pooh started on things I probably shouldn't have said   These are entirely silly unfounded reasons... it would have been more logical if they were doing it because they thought that to many days would be taxing.  I use to watch a little boy for a working mom.. he had a birthday party and I was invited so I went.. when the little boy got hurt he by passed his mom and grandmother and came to me.. that was the last time I was ever asked to watch him.. they acted like I had turned him against them.. when all he knew at that moment was that I had a safe lap.

[holliberri]

I'd still want DD in daycare part of the week, but only so she can socialize with other babies. But 3 days a week should be part time...600 bucks/mth is still a walk in the park compared to what I pay. Not realy worried about attachment issues though...as long as she likes me best!