Feeling left out in son's wedding plans, what should we do?

[penelope]

OMG!! to funny,I have not re-gifted,but I have recieved odd things from mil,one year she had bought her daughters all these cute crafts and I got a toilet seat!! she pushed(GUILTED) us into buying the family home,she bought it but never got around to putting it on...so guess who got it for christmas,ME!! lol oh I could go on and on how she made my life unpleasant~once i got out of the shower and she was ripping up my flowers planting her own,I called dh and he said leave her alone and let her,if thats what makes her happy,once again I said oh I had not planned on planting those,I was told oh,well I had so enjoy your gift!! lol

[LaurieS]

OMG!! to funny,I have not re-gifted,but I have recieved odd things from mil,one year she had bought her daughters all these cute crafts and I got a toilet seat!! she pushed(GUILTED) us into buying the family home,she bought it but never got around to putting it on...so guess who got it for christmas,ME!!

We use to take photos of ourselves enjoying the gifts received.. the kids would be bundled up in their new scarfs, holding the new cd, or holding a sign that said Thank You Grandma... I'd be so tempted to do that with your very lovely thoughtful toilet seat.

[holliberri]

Seasage,

I think it works wonderful as a joke; I can see that...I complained about how much I couldn't stand this thing so often to you, that now I'm going to give it to you...I probably would do something like that, but I'd have an explanation. And, I really have no problem with it as long as you're up front about it.

You might need an Excel sheet of your regifts to prevent regifting twice. Or, since it's a joke, not at all. DH and I have a rule about stocking stuffers: they can only be something that is from inside the house. During the less creative years, there are always repeat gifts. Like, I gave him the pen from our hotel suite when we got married 3 times, and he keeps giving me a box of matches from Prague. It's a really nice way to talk about all of our memories; I don't mind talking about them a few years in a row!

[Pen]

OMG!! to funny,I have not re-gifted,but I have recieved odd things from mil,one year she had bought her daughters all these cute crafts and I got a toilet seat!! she pushed(GUILTED) us into buying the family home,she bought it but never got around to putting it on...so guess who got it for christmas,ME!!

We use to take photos of ourselves enjoying the gifts received.. the kids would be bundled up in their new scarfs, holding the new cd, or holding a sign that said Thank You Grandma... I'd be so tempted to do that with your very lovely thoughtful toilet seat.

Good one, Laurie. The next time I need to zing someone back, I'm calling on you.

Penelope, you win first place in the "worst regifts contest." Unbelievable.

[luise.volta]

I used to re-gift occasionally. I put a sticky note on stuff so I wouldn't send it back to the same person! 

[penelope]

Pen is it considered regifting tho:b she bought it for herself with the intentions of fixing the toilet,just never got around to it!! she bought dh a bracelet once with a big silver plate that had his full name ingraved on it,on the front not underneath...he was around 35 yrs old:) lol when he opened it we were all like ooohhhhh:) and she insisted all her gifts come with the reciept~

[Mariatobe]

Please go to the wedding.  You will regret it for the rest of your life if you alienate your son.  They just want to invite their friends, not yours.  That's okay.  Enjoy the day, and give them money and don't make waves.  Your son will come to you.  If you don't go, you won't see them for holidays and everything else, and it will only get worse.  I know its hard to step back, but you have to.  I'm not trying to sound harsh, but its THEIR day, not yours.  That's how they want to do it.  Let it be, go, and try to have a good time and just be gracious.  That's all you can do.

[luise.volta]

I would go just please myself, knowing the future is a big question mark. It's their show. Of course, tomorrow, I might vote for contributing nothing and taking a cruise instead. Sending love...

[Pen]

Pen is it considered regifting tho:b she bought it for herself with the intentions of fixing the toilet,just never got around to it!! she bought dh a bracelet once with a big silver plate that had his full name ingraved on it,on the front not underneath...he was around 35 yrs old:) lol when he opened it we were all like ooohhhhh:) and she insisted all her gifts come with the reciept~

Oh, sorry, you win the "worst GIFTS contest!"

[penelope]

sadsadmom~I think you should go to,buy yourself something nice to wear~I think guest may ask where's his side of the family,and then they'll have to answer being force to hopefully see how they acted~Honestly,I kinda treated my sons wedding as a funeral,I wore almost all black,which in my defense I wear alot of black...after the wedding there was a party at her grandpas house,when I left I was very intoxicated:b Thanked everyone outloud for having us over and walked out,didn't even hug the happy couple goodbye,at the time I felt it was the right thing to do,but looking back,maybe not so much~just becouse we weren't exactly welcomed with open arms didn't mean I had to act like a little kid,go,hold your head up high and say to yourself " I know you think my son is wonderful,well,I raised him,therefore...I'm wonderful~your loss"..think about it,who's gonna look bad,the Parents that showed up? or the ones who did the guest list? hopefully your son will wake up~BIG HUGS~

[stilltryen]

Speaking of re-gifting, I took an elephant gift to a party one year, about 6 years ago.  Last year I got an elephant gift at another party, and guess what?  Yep, it was the same one I had taken lo those 6 years ago.  What are the odds?

[overwhelmed123]

.think about it,who's gonna look bad,the Parents that showed up? or the ones who did the guest list? hopefully your son will wake up~BIG HUGS~

I agree as long as if you show up, you are very gracious and have a great attitude.  If you're a parent that shows up and acts like a complete sourpuss, who sits by yourself all night and doesn't even attempt to socialize, or doesn't tell the happy couple congratulations and MEAN it, you'll still look like the bad guy.  Just trying to be honest here.  My MIL attended my wedding but made it a point to display how unhappy she was.  Everytime I look at my wedding pictures, it is just a reminder.  Family pictures with me in them- her face was like this   Family pictures with just her and my DH, her face turned into  .  The transformation was amazing, LOL!  Also, my parents paid for everything and we gave them half the guest list, they never said thank you.  They kept to themselves the whole night and just kind of whispered to each other.  At the time, I really could not have cared less because I was having a great time!  But other people always notice their behavior and comment to me about it.  Then of course, when I got the photographer's pictures back, my DH and I had a good laugh about the look on MIL's face, I laugh about it, but it really isn't funny to me deep down.

Anyway, just wanted to make the point that if you're going to show up, you have to make sure to have a good attitude about it, otherwise there's no point in going and it really will just exacerbate the situation.

[lancaster lady]

I'll be going to my son's wedding ,even though I know nothing about it .
Date and place at the moment , but I love him to bits and couldn't not be there on his day .
Sadmom:
He's going to marry her anyway whether you go or not .....so put on a happy face for your boy , otherwise all he'll remember would be his mom spoiling his day .
Remember no beige for a dowdy MOTG .....you gotta sparkle and smile ,he'll love you for it .

[penelope]

overwhelmed is right,show up and have fun~I didn't wanna be there,but I didn't sit alone sulking,just the opposite,I was all smiles and laughing,in all the photos dil looked mad,but she looks like that in all photos we noticed~knowing she told my in-laws months prior she didn't wanna get married and felt pressured,then changed story when it was addressed was in the back of my mind~so knowing from my own experiance,leave the bad thoughts at the door:) when I say my sons wedding, ppl think WEDDING,but there were no decorations,no wedding cake,her side didn't even really dress up,it was more like a luncheon and garage party after,why it cost me so much is odd, the photographer was her moms friend,the ceremony itself has no pics of our family in them,just my ds,the ones we have we took,my sons were bummed along with his buddy,they had gotten Italian suites and was geeked about dressing up:) her gf did drop off a few cd's for us,he's a super nice guy~I hope you get to go and look stunning and have a nice time~theres no reason why you can't meet and mingle with her family,you may end up leaving with fond memories and new friendships~

[stilltryen]

Kind of wish sadsadmom would come back and tell us how everything is working out.  My DIL is beginning to like me better now.  I don't work, her mom does.  She's starting to figure out that I'll watch the baby when she needs to go running around and I'll even drive to their house, or she can bring the baby here.  Suddenly she's looking at me with a bit more "love" in her eyes!!