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i cant believe they condone this!

Started by erma, November 15, 2010, 11:34:21 am

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ok, same issue, my ds and dil are going to walk away from their current mortgage, and move in with her foo "to save for a new house"!!!!!!!!!!!  AND HER FOO CONDONE THIS??????????
I just cant believe my ears! they welcome them to do this! how selfish are they? they definitely are NOT thinking of their future! no, they are kinifing idiots who are only thinking of them selves!
i love my ds and my gc more than air, i don't wish any harm to come to them IN ANY FASHION!
i gave ds a few websites to visit, and some articles to read. he IMMEDIATLY responded!!! i guess i hit a cord. he is defending the walk away, so this is not intirely dil's idea. his choice as well.  he believes from speaking with her (dil) foo, they have done this 2 times in their lives, that the outcome will be the same for them. i tried to say, each and everyones outcome is different.  i just dont understand how her foo can think this is a good idea for anyone let alone their own flesh and blood!!!!  are they so lonely that they are willing to let their own daughter's furure go to crap just to have them home???  >:(
this is not what he used to believe. alot of things he used to think have changed, why wouldn't this? i tried to ask if their income and foo's income was the exact same down to the penny, if the outgoing was the same, the family size the same, ect, ect,  he says he's researched it and it doesn't matter! OMG! this is so bad!
well, all i can say from this point on is "good luck with that" which i did.   ok, done venting. :'( :'(
oh, as we were talking, i mentioned we are buying a potty chair for gc, (were obviously potty training) we are going to have him this week, i asked if they preferred a certain kind of chair, he said , and i quote, "no, just as long as you put the chair in the bathroom"  REALLY???? i mean REALLY???? did he just say that to me?? OMG?? what, or who for that matter does he think hes talking to? i think i will put the chair under the christmas tree, just for giggles.  8)


I think it should be on the front porch...then that grand-baby would have a view to offer inspiration!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


November 15, 2010, 12:17:30 pm #2 Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 12:38:01 pm by seasage
What state does your son live in?  Is it a recourse or non-recourse state?

This article, "What Happens When You Walk Away from a Mortgage Loan?", http://moneywatch.bnet.com/investing/blog/make-money/what-happens-when-you-walk-away-from-a-mortgage-loan/261/, may or may not make you feel better about your son's decision.  I presume he has taken his mortgage papers to a real estate lawyer to find out if the bank can or can not garnish his wages to pay off the remainder of the loan after the bank sells the house on a short sale.


the front porch it is  luise!!!   LOL!!!  ;D ;D ;D

and seasage, nonrecourse state


November 15, 2010, 12:51:13 pm #4 Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 12:56:38 pm by erma
no, he has not talked to anyone but dil's bff, and her foo. this is what he and dil are basing their beliefs on. or should i say banking on.
i am just reeling...............as is my dh. 
and its like her foo is just reveling in it!!  just makes me sick!   :-X

ok, just read that seasage, i do feel a bit better. thanks.


Erma, I used to have friends who put the potty chair in the breakfast area, because it was easier for the mom to keep an eye on it that way.  Definitely not what I would have chosen, but their house their rules, I guess.  Maybe your son has seen something like that, and that's why he specified it should go in the bathroom (not because he actually thought you'd keep it anywhere else). 
This too shall pass.  All is well.


Your son is probably remembering when you potty trained him. Where was that? Oh, yes at the grocery store!  ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Hi Erma,  I am sorry to hear about this, but there is nothing you can do about it...resort to that...decisions have been made, shake the dust and walk away from it...... It is their life and if they feel they are doing the right thing...so be it...they are the ones who will live and learn.

We have all chosen the wrong path in life at times, but we had to learn from our mistakes and that is what makes us wiser and stronger.....

Just buy a pretty potty chair and leave it at that...oooops dont forget the bow on it. :D

Hugs, Faith


Erma - are they having financial difficulties they're not telling you about?  Just trying to think of why you'd live with IL's....


Erma, things have changed since FOO went and so irresponsibly did this...and so what you can hope for is that they learn a lesson from they're actions...there is nothing you can do, however, we are all a result of our choices, and this to shall serve as a lesson to them....



It might be unfounded to immediately jump to the conclusion that DIL's FOO "condone" this action. Just because they are allowing them to move in with them, that doesn't necessarily mean they condone the action. They might just be being supportive of their DD and SIL.

If they are having financial difficulties (which honestly most of America is having these days), they might not have any other "choice." It seems unwise to many of us, but we aren't in their shoes. Either way, it is their choice and they will have to live with the consequences. If you are the type who likes to say "I told you so." You just might get a chance with this one.

Sometimes "kids" need to make their own mistakes or they will never learn.  :(


erma, I'm not so sure that it makes sense either to keep paying on a home you paid, for example, $420,000 for, when it's only worth $185,000 now.  This area is one that I don't think there are many easy answers to.  My nephew and his wife had to do the same thing.  The wife lost her job, they struggled for a while, and then realized there was absolutely no way they would ever come out from under such a staggering obligation.  We're always taught to honor our debt obligations and fulfill the terms of a contract, but the reality is that the bank you owe this huge amount to is the same bank who hosed up all their obligations and got bailed out by you, the taxpayer.  And the fact is that they continue to mess with folks, one guy had a bank come in, hit him with a foreclosure notice, they changed the locks on his house, etc.  The only issue with this scenario?  I can't use caps, but I would like to emphasize this, the guy didn't have a mortgage on his house!!!  He'd paid it off years earlier.  Can you believe this?


I think we used to give banks almost the same credibility as we used to give doctors. Neither are Gods and (IMHO) both have brought us to our knees, anyhow.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Quote from: luise.volta on February 09, 2011, 04:55:09 pm
I think we used to give banks almost the same credibility as we used to give doctors. Neither are Gods and (IMHO) both have brought us to our knees, anyhow.

I think we are doing a pretty good job of chopping ourselves off at the knees as well.