March 28, 2024, 02:36:55 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Should I be worried?

Started by Barbie, September 29, 2010, 03:30:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Pen

We MILs were the mothers of babies once, and we were/are DILs. Here's hoping we've learned from our experiences and make decisions regarding the treatment of our DILs, DSs and GC based on what we appreciated or didn't appreciate back when we were adjusting to new parenthood/marriage. Everyone is different, therefore reactions to such treatment will vary. If it doesn't please DIL, no worries - she'll kindly thank you and kindly explain what she'd prefer. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

Here's why: Many DILs have no intention of thinking of their DH's FOO as family or even treating them with common courtesy after the wedding (I suspect many MILs felt the same about their DILs, but we're talking about DIL feelings right now.) If you don't like someone or intend never to view them as worthy humans, you don't want any display of affection from them - kindness, gifts, conversation, invitations, whatever. Think back to high school - enough said.

No one wants to be guilted into being nice to the nerd, so it's best to avoid them altogether or you might get slushied (any Glee fans out there?)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

barelythere

Quote from: Pen on October 04, 2010, 04:25:54 PM
We MILs were the mothers of babies once, and we were/are DILs. Here's hoping we've learned from our experiences and make decisions regarding the treatment of our DILs, DSs and GC based on what we appreciated or didn't appreciate back when we were adjusting to new parenthood/marriage. Everyone is different, therefore reactions to such treatment will vary. If it doesn't please DIL, no worries - she'll kindly thank you and kindly explain what she'd prefer. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

Here's why: Many DILs have no intention of thinking of their DH's FOO as family or even treating them with common courtesy after the wedding (I suspect many MILs felt the same about their DILs, but we're talking about DIL feelings right now.) If you don't like someone or intend never to view them as worthy humans, you don't want any display of affection from them - kindness, gifts, conversation, invitations, whatever. Think back to high school - enough said.

No one wants to be guilted into being nice to the nerd, so it's best to avoid them altogether or you might get slushied (any Glee fans out there?)

You're right, Pen.  I wish I hadn't been so naive about my daughter in law in the beginning.  I loved her absolutely.  We had so much fun and I could tell it meant the world to our son.  I thought she loved us too, she seemed like she did.  She didn't so that's the end of that.