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New here, and need to find others in same situation for mainly support

Started by JaneF, November 06, 2010, 04:35:58 am

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LaurieS

Quote from: luise.volta on November 07, 2010, 01:37:23 pm
They already are.  :'(
Isn't that a sad fact... The already are.  You know it's one thing to take yourself down a path of destruction but to take children with you in order to keep getting the money is unbelievable.  I'm not saying that every grandparent is in the position to raise the grandkids, but this woman can offer a better life for her sons unfortunately she is to out of touch to see it. 

This is where the state is failing kids miserably, children should not end up damaged for life before they've gotten to live. 
Quote from: JaneF on November 07, 2010, 03:51:59 am
Now in a different town, a different guy (her rehab jewel of a man with several felonies), and here my grandsons go again.  :(

Way to many kids end up victims of horrific crimes that are forced to live this lifestyle.. My prayers are with your grandchildren and you.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

jomama

I still beat myself up for not fighting dd to continue custody.  She had a good job, paying her bills, doing all the things she was supposed to do. I had custody for 5 years and it was supposed to be temporary. I knew she was up to something, but judges don't put much faith in 'intuition'. 
I've been reading up on Narcissistic and Anti Social Personality Disorders. Talk about a lightbulb moment!

JaneF

 I agree, these kids are basically motherless because she only cares about herself. I  will report any issues  that endanger my grandsons, but since I won't be communicating with her it'll be  difficult to know what's going on. As far as I know  the only "drugs" she is doing now are prescribed except for  pot...but she's  still in danger of overdose with prescribed meds. Last time she had too many prescribed meds in her system ( over 6 weeks ago), I took her to emergency room  because she was hallucinating! She tried to load dishes in  OVEN thinking it was a dishwasher. She was dressing her 2 year old for bed, I was right supervising her, she went to put a second pair of pajamas over the pair he had on and she said she did not want him to get cold! The temps that day were in 90's. The hospital said  med overdose,  they found pot in her system but no other street drugs. She should have a guardian,  live in group home setting,  she shouldn't have custody of kids! I would take kids if something happens to her, but  dad still has rights!

Nana

Jane

Cant advice about it.  The only thing that comes to my mind is that you should be close to ensure the safety of the babies.... poor little kids.....so sorry for them.

Be strong now....they need you....so does your daughter.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

JaneF

Good Wednesday to you all. Nana, I understand what you say about my daughter and the grandkids need me, but when she went back to the "current" boyfriend that meant she went over 3 hours away from me. So I really am not "close" physically now. She and her new guy like it that way I think, so I don't see what goes on. I made sure my grandson knows our phone number, and he knows if he is scared, hurt or just needs me he is to go to teacher or school counselor. That is all I knew to do. I have to admit I miss him terribly, but without the drama from DS and DD, I have managed to sleep more peacefully the last few days and feel refreshed! Grandaughter is doing great, she is a great kid. The past week was hard for hubby and I because of having to put our 18 and 15 year old girl kitties to sleep, then GS leaving on top of that. But we are doing okay. Thinking about Thanksgiving, and having GD help me decorate tree very soon for Christmas. Trying to focus on the good things! Wishing you a lovely day all.

Renet

Jane F.  I would have loved to have had a mother like you.......

Nana

Janef:

You are a gopd caring mother.  You are not now in the possiblity of helping your gc.  You are in my prayers.    We are all here for you. 

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

stilltryen

Jane, keep a notebook close by.  You should be noting every single thing down - date, time, details, etc.  Don't give up on CPS either.  Call them, call them and call them again and report as often as you feel you should.  Again, write everything down.  Whom you spoke to - and if there were any followups, dates, etc.  Re:  the father, call him and why you feel your grandson needs to be away from mom.  Again, write down the conversation, time, date and what actions came of it.

One day you might be able to take all this information to an attorney to fight for custody.  Or if CPS ever does their job and decides to take the kids away, you can step in.  If you have all this info and can point to specific dates, times, etc., you have far more ammunition than just saying, "One time my daughter tried to load the dishes in the oven" type of thing.  Also, there may have been someone else there, write it down that "Aunt Susan happened to be at my house at the time and also witnessed this."  This lends a bit more credence if you have a third party who might have observed some of her behavior.  My friend had to do this to take her grandkids away from her drugged out daughter.  She so did not want to start raising children again, but under the circumstances, she did. 

Good luck, I know I would be beside myself worrying about the kids. 

LaurieS

I agree Stilltryen.. and you gave her great advice.  It's one thing to have your child distant themselves from us.. but it would be quite another to have to live in fear of your grandchild being injured while you watched from afar.

Have you heard how your grandson is taking to his new school and classmates?  Do you think he'll spend any of the holidays with you?  Does he resent his sister at all because she is able to stay with you and have some form of normalcy in her life? 

We're thinking about you

JaneF

No, I have not heard how my sweet GS is doing at his new school. I did make sure he had our phone number in his memory, and he knows if he is ever hurt, or afraid he can go to a teacher or school counselor and he can call me. I do not know if I will get to see them for the holidays though. I'd love to see them but I do not want contact with my DD. I am still upset with her for taking GS only to get welfare and food stamps to continue. (all was okay for him to be here until family services found out she was drawing those benefits for GS and he was not even in her home!), then she needed him back so they would not cut her off. I don't think at age 7 he has thought about resenting his sister for being able to live here and have stability, but he may get to that point. I hope he doesn't, but I couldn't blame a child for being upset at not having stability and calm home they deserve. I just hope DD's boyfriend does not treat him unfairly. He has 3 kids of his own, and he and my DD have had words about the difference in how her kids are treated versus his...DUH, why would she still be there then? That was the reason I initially had my GS for the past few months!!! But I guess $ was more important than my GS's happiness. And it wasn't all that much money and food stamps even, probably $200 worth total. If I'd had the money, I'd have given it to her to leave GS here, but I need the money we make by working to care for GD we have. GD and I spent the day together organizing her play room. She loves arts and crafts (clay, drawing, painting). She also has a trunk of dress up clothes she enjoys. We do not let the tv babysit, nor do we allow hours of video games. She entertains herself nicely in other ways! She has pets she cares for daily and she loves that too. We are so blessed to have her!  Hugs to you all.

LaurieS

Jane.. Your grandson is in our prayers.  It is a shame you can't just pay her off and he could  stay full time  with you, but I'm sure it's a hardship to fully raise another child already.  It's  unfortunate, you will never change your dd, but I'm sure that your gs finds great comfort knowing that he can reach you if he ever feels the need.  You really are a wonderful caring Grandma.