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When do you give up on a daughter that hates you?

Started by Renet, November 01, 2010, 07:23:49 PM

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Marilyn

Awesome Renet :) :) :)

I am so proud of you!!!Love,Love,love yourself...........the change in you will produce good feelings,which lead to happiness.

And remember always................Rejection is Gods Protection...........When you really see the truth in this,rejection doesn't hurt.


Sending hugs!!!

Marilyn

Thank you Barbie,i'm glad to be back!!!


I have to go to work now,so everyone have a very blessed day! :)


Sending hugs

dablacks

Just returned from work and loved reading all the posts since this morning.  You guys rock!

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

dablacks

The only thing better would be to have coffee with you guys.

luise.volta

Well, we could re-name it...www.CoffeeClutch.com   ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

AZGMA

What I did to heal my wounds from having a son who feels like that was to let him know I love him and am there for him should he decide he wants me in his life, but it is simply too heartbreaking to do so continuously.  I  stopped sending gifts, leaving phone messages, etc.  I truly have no idea what his resentment is based upon.  I even raised his emotionally disturbed son (a different story); part of it I am sure is guilt, but his brother tells me it is from earlier in life.  I do allow myself to occasionally grieve again, but had to build joy into my life from other sources.

His stepmother gives me regular updates about him, he lives near his father, but in many ways my son is a stranger to me.  Recently, after almost 15 years of non-relationship, he has "friended" me on facebook, at the urging of a new girlfriend.    It gives me the chance to make the occasional comment about ways I am proud of his achievements.  He does not comment on my posts.  He will turn 40 next summer; I am 69. 

I feel your pain, and all I can say is that you have a life beyond this daughter, and you deserve to make it a happy one.  Blessings.

barelythere

Quote from: AZGMA on November 11, 2010, 08:19:17 AM
What I did to heal my wounds from having a son who feels like that was to let him know I love him and am there for him should he decide he wants me in his life, but it is simply too heartbreaking to do so continuously.  I  stopped sending gifts, leaving phone messages, etc.  I truly have no idea what his resentment is based upon.  I even raised his emotionally disturbed son (a different story); part of it I am sure is guilt, but his brother tells me it is from earlier in life.  I do allow myself to occasionally grieve again, but had to build joy into my life from other sources.

His stepmother gives me regular updates about him, he lives near his father, but in many ways my son is a stranger to me.  Recently, after almost 15 years of non-relationship, he has "friended" me on facebook, at the urging of a new girlfriend.    It gives me the chance to make the occasional comment about ways I am proud of his achievements.  He does not comment on my posts.  He will turn 40 next summer; I am 69. 

I feel your pain, and all I can say is that you have a life beyond this daughter, and you deserve to make it a happy one.  Blessings.

You're right, you do learn and grow and become stronger.  Not much can hurt you anymore once you have this happen.  And it's true...lots of good people have bad things happen to them.  (even books are written about it)

luise.volta

And some bad people have good things happen to them! Go figure!

I remember when something that looked really terrible happened to Kirk and I when he was 12. I told him to mark the calendar and we would check a year from that date to see if it was "good" or "bad" because we had no way of knowing. A year later, we did that and something wonderful had appeared in the void the former "catastrophe" had left in our lives.

For a long time now, I haven't prayed for anything specific for myself or others. I just pray for the "highest and best good." Most of the time I don't have a clue what that is.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

barelythere

Quote from: luise.volta on November 11, 2010, 12:53:26 PM
And some bad people have good things happen to them! Go figure!

I remember when something that looked really terrible happened to Kirk and I when he was 12. I told him to mark the calendar and we would check a year from that date to see if it was "good" or "bad" because we had no way of knowing. A year later, we did that and something wonderful had appeared in the void the former "catastrophe" had left in our lives.

For a long time now, I haven't prayed for anything specific for myself or others. I just pray for the "highest and best good." Most of the time I don't have a clue what that is.

What an incredibly beautiful way to look at good and bad!! I love it.  Either the catastrophe leaves or you change the way you see it, right? 

Thank you for not leaving us!!

Tara

I like this Luise, reminds me of a buddhist story with same approach...

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Tara

Quote from: luise.volta on November 11, 2010, 01:08:25 PM
Wanna share that?


Old Zen Story:

A farmer had a son who goes out for a horse back ride, falls off the horse and breaks his leg.  The son is quite involved in farming with his father.  All the villagers say:  "Oh that's  terrible !" and the farmer says "we'll see" (or maybe)

Then the Kings men come through the village and are forcing the young men to join the army.  But the farmers son can't
go because he has a broken leg.  The villagers all say:  "Oh that's wonderful"  and the farmer says  'well see" (or maybe)

Then the horse (stallion) that the farmer used to plow the earth with runs away!  The villagers say:  "Oh no that is terrible", and the farmer says "We'll see" (or maybe).

Then the stallion comes back with a mare.  The villagers are jubilant and say "this is wonderful" and you know what the farmer
says:  "We'll see"

And its said this story goes on indefinitely

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Zealous

I'm in so much pain ..............   I really don't know how to begin my story only to say it's been more than painful.  For the most part, my daughter will promise she will never repeat what she's been doing; never invite me to spend holidays with her, call on birthdays or pick up the phone with both and all.  She is closer to my husbands wife who turly treated her poorly as a child.  My daughter seems to hate me and I can't understand why?  I've asked her if we could seek therapy, a minister or anything where we can have a family and  will agree sometimes then only attack me another.   I told her being divorced and without brothers and sisters and a elderly mother ( mine), I really wish to be with her as we did when I was married.  She was raised knowing how much I loved people and would always invite anyone to our home if they were alone for the holidays.  She won't pick up the  phone, and now is married ( with a wedding that my mom and I paid for) and her new husband won't call me bk as well.    It seems the only reason she calls me is to get something from me, other than that she could care less how much pain I'm in of getting older and maybe never really having a family as I lose her more and more every year.  After the wedding;  I spent a week at her home ( as they were not going anywhere),  I cooked, cleaned, and spent alot of time with my 11 year old grandaughter.   She spent the entire week playing this video game;  WARCRAFT and would hardly speak to me.  We did not do one thing together as my son-in-law worked.   While my grandaughter was at school, I simply left her alone.  It is now time for THANKSGIVING time again,  and I guess another year where I either have to go to homes where people feel sorry for me.  I'm sooo embarressed and most of all so crushed.   Most likely my message does not mk any sense, as I'm crying and feel so sick to my stomach.  I'm wiilling to get any advice as I just can't do this anymore,  I feel like disappearring.   HELP.