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Vacations with Family?

Started by Scoop, November 01, 2010, 06:58:08 AM

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Scoop

Okay, we've been talking about it a bit on another thread, so we might as well give it an official thread of it's own.

What do *you* think of vacations with family/IL's?

miss_priss


pam1

I don't see the need or want for it.  And for either mine or DH's family.  All working families generally only have a limited amount of time allotted for vacation anyway. 

And I'll go one step further, even weekend getaways I don't think are necessary or would even be enjoyable.  I wouldn't consider it a vacation in the slightest and this is without any toxic elements. 

Heck, even our family vacations with the kids are a lot of work for me.  I can't imagine topping it off with other family members that I'm going to be required to put even more work out for.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pooh

I think it depends on the vacation.  Large groups with lots of children to play with can be fun.  One on one's....not so much unless you have a great relationship and want to go.

I do remember growing up, my family would all get together for a week and go camping.  There would be all kinds of family there and we would take over about 10 campsites.  It was fun.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Not for me. I am not comfortable with a lot of people around, a lot of noise and a lot of activity. I absorb it all.  :(

Vacation to me means...space, peace and quiet...and something lovely to experience geographically.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

erma

i love family vacations! i had no real family to speak of when i was a child. so naturally, as i grew into adulthood and had children of my own, i gravitated towards "big family's"
i guess that's why some children take family for granted. i learned at a very early age, how important family is. now that i have a gc, i finally have 3 generations in my family! me, my kids, and gc!!  now that's lucky! 
so family vacations are precious to me, all of it. the camaraderie, the gossip, the fights, the love, ect,  ALL OF IT!
because i know from experience, that having no family at all,  (and please excuse the term), SUCKS.
i think it all depends on where you came from. but we as a family, have done many a family vacation together and had a blast.

Sheen

I think my situation is a bit different just because of my location. We have done a few family vacations with two of my daughters and gc and it was really very hectic. But we have done it with just one daughter and sil and that was a great trip.  This coming year they are crossing the pond and although they will stay one week with us, we then are all heading for rome for  their last week. 

Two years ago, hub and I decided to take a trip to Rome and we booked the whole thing then he mentioned it to my mil.  Joking he said oh you should come lol.  Ten minutes later she was at our door wallet in hand ready to book her and fil tickets  lol.  At first I honestly was really upset about it, but actually that trip was pretty nice and they say it was the best trip they have ever taken -  Go figure.  It got a little complicated for my hub as he was translating English to Swedish to them and Swedish to English to me.  Sometimes he got mixed up and reversed it and we all would sit and go huh.  :)

luise.volta

I do remember a trip to Hawaii (Molokai) with one of our sort of daughters (a former DIL that I have written about often...since we decided NOT to get divorced and she's one of the major joys of my life.) We stayed two weeks in the same resort but different condos and it was wonderful!  ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I think that is what it is going to boil down to....the people.  I wouldn't want to do it with DS and DIL, or my ex MIL and FIL, but I would do it with my FOO because they wouldn't care if each went off and did their own thing some.  And I would go with my YS because he is a "go with the flow" type of guy.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

1Glitterati

We did it once with dh's parents when the youngest was 8 months old (had been married 13 years by then).  It was horrific.  I lost a ton of respect for my husband by the time it was all over.  He PROMISED that he would not let his control freak father ruin it for us.  And...he did.  He never once stood up for anything that we wanted to do, and got mad when I finally stepped up and said "No, I do not want to do that.  I will not be doing that.  And, you are not taking the children to do that."  I will never, ever, ever, EVER under any circumstances go anywhere with his parents again.

I always turned down the few offers that came from my parents...because I remember what vacations were like with them as children.  Nope.  Nuh uh.  No way.

I have no plans once the kids get married to invite any of them on vacation with dh and I.  I want to do what I want to do on vacation and have fun.  I don't want to consider anyone elses wants or desires other than dh's.  I darn sure don't want to be forced to have someone tell me what to do just because he thinks he's the grand patriarch of the family.  I also don't want to the the il perceived as ruining the vacation for everyone else.

jomama

Every summer I take all the kids and grandkids (and dogs) to 'the river'.  We have a blast.   

And, uh, we took two kids on our honeymoon...and the dogs....and dh's parents

cremebrulee

November 03, 2010, 03:54:54 AM #11 Last Edit: November 03, 2010, 03:59:11 AM by cremebrulee
When my son was little, we used to go camping every weekend....a lot of friends and some family had kids the same age....we would all meet at the campgrounds....everyone knew, that no one was obligated or should feel obligated to do what the other wanted...therefore it worked fine....as far as taking vacation with family or inlaws, it depends on the people....I have friends who own a shore home....the wives bring they're kids and stay all summer long...the husbands come down on weekends....it works great...and no one feels obligated....they just all do they're own thing....I can understand that b/c it works fine....however, I would never want to go on vacation with extended family or inlaws....it wouldn't work....I have one cousin with whom we traveled and it works....it is difficult to find people to vacation with where it works....however, when the kids are little, it's really fun to have a lot of people with kids there....we had a blast....would I expect my son and DIL to invite me to go along with them to vacation....no, they did once a long time ago and I respectuflly told them, this is your vacation, just go and have a great time...could I now?  Maybe?  However, they're idea of a vacation and my idea are way different...would probably have a good time, and would go along with anything they wanted to do....and probably have a good time, however, I do love so, to go off on my own....and I certainly wouldn't expect them to ask me to do so.

My other girlfriend and her entire family went out to CA to see a family member who moved out there....they had a great time, and they all have kids, so, the cousins are very close and look foreward to spending vacations together....

so it hugely depends on the people involved...
if my son and wife would vacation and not ask me along...it certainly never occured to me, to tag along, I'd just wish them a great time and ask them to call when they returned and share stories with me....I don't feel I need to be there....

I really feel, if adult children do not wish to travel with inlaws or parents, that the parents or inlaws should not take personal offense, but to understand, they just desire to be alone with they're family for some quality time...that's all it is....and they don't have to feel obligated to do what anyone else wants to do....like Glitter said, that must have been a grewling vacation...


Scoop

I've been on a few vacations with my FOO.  Just last year (after Dad died) my Mom took us and my DB's family down south, just after Christmas.  My Mom is very easy to travel with, she likes to do things, will try new things and also is okay being alone for a while.  I wish my DB had spent more time with her, but what can you do?  We did all have supper together every night and that was awesome.

On the other hand, I don't think I would enjoy traveling with the IL's.  I've heard too many stories of how pushy MIL is and I know how picky she is.  We would always have to do what SHE wanted to do, and she would pout if we were not attached at the hip the whole time.  It just wouldn't be fun.

We went on our first ever vacation with friends a couple of years ago and it worked out really well.  We were really well matched on what we wanted from our vacation.  It also helped that their DD was friends with our DD - so the built-in entertainment factor was important.

Pen

I'm laughing right now, because my DS complains about DIL's control-freak dad and pushy, pouty, picky mom. When they go on vacation together (at least once a year, very posh digs) DS says, "Here's how it'll go - MIL will pout and complain, FIL will plan everything and order everyone around, and they'll end up arguing. MIL will take to her room and FIL will fume." Yet, DS is still expected to go. He does, willingly, because it makes DIL happy.

Our vacations are pretty casual and argument-free. The one time they joined us DIL tolerated me, barely. Hmmmm.....
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

Quote from: Pen on November 03, 2010, 08:05:47 AM
I'm laughing right now, because my DS complains about DIL's control-freak dad and pushy, pouty, picky mom. When they go on vacation together (at least once a year, very posh digs) DS says, "Here's how it'll go - MIL will pout and complain, FIL will plan everything and order everyone around, and they'll end up arguing. MIL will take to her room and FIL will fume." Yet, DS is still expected to go. He does, willingly, because it makes DIL happy.

Our vacations are pretty casual and argument-free. The one time they joined us DIL tolerated me, barely. Hmmmm.....

OMG Pen, see if I were they're daughter I would definately tell them to behave or else seperate vacations....what a shame....

we were discussing this at work and we all concluded, it is very hard to find someone, or another couple that we travel well with....but when you do, it is fun....