Need Wisdom in understanding uncaring kids

[Scoop]

The best "line" to remember is "That sounds like something you would say."

It's awesome because if the words were nice and were meant nicely, then it's a nice comment - meaning: you're so nice, you always say nice words.

BUT - if the words were malicious and intended to hurt then it means: I'm onto your mean-girl games.  And the best part is that the person can't complain about your statement without revealing that their intentions were not good.

[Pooh]

Oooh.  I like that Scoop!

[dablacks]

If anyone is a fan of the movie: "Sense and Sensibility". It is the story of all women living during the 19th century England.  The youngest daughter pips in a remark while her mother and older sisters are speaking and the mother says to the youngest daughter;

"If you do not have anything of worth to say, then say nothing at all"

With a British accent it is priceless and what I have dreamed of saying to my daughter or for that matter anyone else who steps over the line.
Not this;      This: 

[barelythere]

If anyone is a fan of the movie: "Sense and Sensibility". It is the story of all women living during the 19th century England.  The youngest daughter pips in a remark while her mother and older sisters are speaking and the mother says to the youngest daughter;

"If you do not have anything of worth to say, then say nothing at all"

With a British accent it is priceless and what I have dreamed of saying to my daughter or for that matter anyone else who steps over the line.
Not this;      This: 

I love!!! love!! love!! that movie!!!  It is one of my all time favorites.  Miss Dashwood, Mr. Darcy.  Maryanne Dashwood was having a nervous breakdown in losing her love, Willowby.  Loved it.  It turned out great, though.

[Pooh]

We could just all buy fake hearing aids and when something mean is said we could reach up and politely fidget with it saying, "I'm sorry, my hearing aid was turned down.  Could you repeat that?"

Hee hee.  My Mother is 100% deaf in one ear and has 20% hearing in the other with the help of her hearing aid, so I have heard her say that...........HEY WAIT!!!!!

[JaneF]

I "ve spent a lot of time reading here the past day. Trying to learn what others have do to help deal with issues. I enjoyed this thread a lot! I can never think of a quick come back when I need to either,  because I am  shocked at what the other person said! I have  chosen the route of not responding to them at all , no matter what they say or do. They WANT me to react, they enjoy upsetting me. I will not play that game. I read today on Facebook my DIL had yet ANOTHER comment to just keep a feud stirred up, and it said she had considered divorcing my son because she couldn't  spend the rest of her life hearing  the stuff from "his family". Funny though when you look at ALL of the discussions (arguments) they have stupidly displayed on Facebook it is only my DIL, my son, DIL's mom and sis and cousin and THEIR FRIENDS! lol The only other person commenting back (feuding) is my dd who has been  difficult situation for me for years. So I  laugh at DIL's comment because it's her clan that's voicing all the time. I think my decision to cut ties for sanity sake is a wise one. My DIL also made snide remarks about my dd and mental illness, yet DIL has same bipolar disorder, as does my son! She refuses to acknowledge her diagnosis however. My 11 year old gd that is being sexually provocative on Facebook with photos and messages is allowed to continue this behavior as DIL and son think it's NORMAL behavior I would need a notebook to explain how strange DIL family is. Her grandfather is a pastor, and when their daughter (DIL's mom) was confronted about extra-marital affairs, the pastors wife physically jumped between the two ladies and stated "she didn't know any better!" HUH? By the time you are 40, and if your dad is a preacher, if you don't know any better than to do that...there MIGHT be a problem here! So the husand divorces her after putting up with that for over 20 years, and DIL calls her dads new girlfriend a tramp (she used a worse word)...again HUH?!!!

[luise.volta]

Time to focus on your own well-being and health. You do have a choice there.

[JaneF]

I agree with you 100%, and I am beginning to follow that advice TODAY! I wrote my daughter a 5 page letter today and informed her of my choice to walk away to give myself "sanity", and peace in my life. I let her know I loved her, but I cannot tolerate the madness any longer, nor will I allow the grandkids to be used to control me any longer. I officially have set myself FREE today...one day at a time is all I can handle at a time. Ahhhh deep breath, time to meditate, I am feeling hopeful once again. Thank you all for the support...you are very wise women indeed! This is a great web site to have found.

[luise.volta]

Good for you! Mark this day down on the calendar and we walk with you! 

[Nana]

Hi Jane

When we make a decision that is somehow hard to reach.....we get a sense of peace.  Uncertainty is what kills us (me). 

Love

[JaneF]

I agree with that as well. I am feeling okay today actually. I think just setting boundaries and standing up for myself helped give me peace of mind. I will think of my grandsons, of course...but I WILL be okay! The house is a bit quieter in the afternoons I bet! lol I plan to keep busy, which is not usually a problem for us because even though we both work full time we still have our rental properties to deaL with also. My husband is a gem, and can do anything he sets his mind to, so he does all repairs by himself except for charging air condiotioning and an occaisional furnace issue. Sh he is REALLY busy! He is such a nice guy he even mows ALL of the rentals yards too! Have a most wonderful day all!  Jane

[Pooh]

Welcome Jane and kudos to you for taking back your life!

[luise.volta]

Viva la Jane! 

[dablacks]

Hi Everyone:  Returned from our trip to see the grandbaby.  We handled ourselves very well considering that my daughter and son in law think they are the ultimate experts in baby care. The baby is 4 wks.old and they are not sure if they should feed her too much when she cries. She might interpet food for comfort and get fat.  OKAY, I heard this and said, "the baby is hungry, if you limit her intake, you will have a sick baby" When she is older, you would play with her instead of handing over a cookie when she cries.  I am PRETTY darm sure I got the point across.  After this, any thing we did was disputed.  If I held the baby too much one day and then the next day, "Didn't I want to hold the baby".  Blah, Blah, Blah, that is what it sounds like to me too so I will end the details.
She informed me that my son came to her shower and all her inlaws/grandparents, aunts, uncles.  I was told at the time that it was a VERY small shower with just a few girls from work and not worth the effort to fly in. I really think she got pleasure in seeing me surprised on how big of a shindig it was.  It really hurt me a lot and I do believe I covered it up pretty good.  What a shame to have to be a phoney with your own daughter and have no relationship with either of your children.
My husband said that I have to stop putting my heart on a string.  He is right about that.  We spent most of each morning on our own, by 11:00 she was calling.  I would say, oh sure, we can pick up lunch and see you later.  Afterward we would leave on and off for short periods or we  would have to sit all day with nothing to focus on but the baby. When you have nothing in common with people, it is torture to sit all day and be taold your wrong about everything under the sun.
I am happy I am home and back to work.   

[luise.volta]

Yes...welcome home!