Need Wisdom in understanding uncaring kids

[barelythere]

I think I will try that seafoam except instead of "I beg your pardon" I am going to insert, "Yes, tea sounds lovely."

HA HA HA!!!  Tea sounds lovely!!  I love it.  Such a defusive sentence!

[luise.volta]

Love it!!! 

[LaurieS]

So when I shouted "Say What?" that wasn't the correct response

[luise.volta]

 

[Pooh]

Ummm...ummmm......nope...nope....don't see a problem with it Laurie! Lol.

[dablacks]

Seaform, Pooh, Luise,barelythere, and Laurie,  Can I laugh out loud, you are ALL so funny.  I will practice my best Meryl Streep and maybe win an Oscar!!  It is so very very wonderful that  I have the confidence to handle this and it has NOT cost me a cent. 

Thank you so much from every corner of my heart.  You are the most wonderful women and I have not even met you in person. Technology is a Godsent and I am so fortunate to be able to reach out to you women of the world.

[cadagi101]

[quote author=seafoam link=topic=1060.msg21390#msg21390 date=1288633132]

The pattern is set for our trip on Thursday.  I am really, really worried that she will turn on us again.  The last two visits were a disaster.  I have to find a way to not feed the fire with her.  A simple remark can turn into an attack.  I'm left to defend and it spirals down into the drain.  I will focus on not answering her and maybe just stare with a confused look.  Defending doesn't help so maybe this will.

I think your proposed defense is wonderful.  But don't look confused.  Look surprised that anyone would say such a thing!

Miss Manners (whoever she is) recommends the following when someone addresses you with a rude or impertinent remark:  Stare at the offending person without speaking for a few moments.  Then, with your best manners, say "I beg your pardon".  I have always wanted to use this defensive tactic somewhere.  I have used the first half of it many times.  I find that saying nothing is very effective.  I just look at the person and let her remark ring in the air.
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Ha ha, what uplifting to have bit of a laugh at these posts.  posts.    Well dablacks I have had the exact same things as you have described with your daughter with my son.    It is emotionally tiring, draining and so confusing when one minute young adult in question is kind and thoughtful, then angry and nasty all inthe space of an hour or so.  I can't keep up with the emotional and verbal abuse.    Now my son has left home I can pause on the phone when I am offended, in person i will stare blankly (not confused) and that is because he tells me I am don't understand him, he has a lot of friends so he says I am the one confused!!!!  After staring blankly I will say a cup of tea will be nice thankyou, whilst drinking my tea (it would probably be thrown at me but in the remote case I get one) I will say to ds I thought we were past this  rudeness and disrespect and to  come back when he can be nice to and...I  really am a nice person  I don't deserve it.                   

[Hope]

I've enjoyed this thread so much - you ladies are a hoot!  I love what "Miss Manners" had to say.  I hope I can remember to do that next time I'm spoken to rudely by anyone.  When this happens to me my problem is that I'm taken by such surprise I forget all about how I wanted to respond.  I hope I can remember the next time.  Love it~!
Hugs, Hope

[Pen]

Me too, I'm always so surprised I just stand there with raised eyebrows and a goofy grin. It's way later that I think of the witty reply. "I beg your pardon" is a great response, and I really like "Yes, tea sounds lovely." I'd like to use that one in really random situations and see what looks I get, LOL. A friend always says, "Good to know" when someone feels the need to say something demeaning. I wish I could remember these lines when I need them.

[Hope]

Thumbs up!

[barelythere]

Me too, I'm always so surprised I just stand there with raised eyebrows and a goofy grin. It's way later that I think of the witty reply. "I beg your pardon" is a great response, and I really like "Yes, tea sounds lovely." I'd like to use that one in really random situations and see what looks I get, LOL. A friend always says, "Good to know" when someone feels the need to say something demeaning. I wish I could remember these lines when I need them.

Don't you wish you could have an automatic response when you're shocked by someone's bad temper/behavior and say something really good like: that's interesting.  These things catch me off guard and I go into shock and pretend it didn't happen. Then, I think of something really great but it's too late.

[LaurieS]

I liked "good to know" 

BT - You could have a little book that you whip open and search your list of comebacks, that will keep them off balance

[barelythere]

I liked "good to know" 

BT - You could have a little book that you whip open and search your list of comebacks, that will keep them off balance

By the time I get the little book out of my purse, it will be too late. I can't find anything in the purse anyway.  I'll put "good to know" in my long term memory which is still intact. 

[luise.volta]

I am really good at thinking of the perfect come-back...three days later! 

[Renet]

In reading all of your responses....I see where truly telling my daughter I was not going to take it anymore after years of loving her unconditionally is the answer.    Just know that I understand the hurt....It is like the death of a child....who is still alive.....  I have no answers other than to say...I am sorry your heart hurts............and I understand....

Hugs....lots of hugs....