Very sad Grandma

[barelythere]

This whole thing is so sad. To know the rug can be pulled out from under me and there doesn't have to be an explanation is very unsettling. I already know DIL doesn't like me, so I fully expect to be the missing GM when future kids arrive while DIL's FOO will be allowed unlimited access. DS swears it won't happen, but I've been around the WWU block a few times. Hopeful, but not naive.

I would never have kept my kids away from the GPs unless abuse was involved; they loved their GPs, even though my relationship with my dad and stepmom was pretty awful (DH's parents were wonderful.) I felt that my issues with my dad and his wife shouldn't color my kids experience with their GPs. Kids need all the love and support they can get, IMHO. My DDD still doesn't know about my parental issues, but DS was informed recently. He can make up his own mind.

I had no worries that they were trying to take my kids from me - I thought it was great that at least my kids were getting to see the good side of DF & SM even if they didn't show that side to me! When we were all kept away from their "family" gatherings I played it down so the kids wouldn't be confused or hurt. Now as an adult, DS can have a grown-up relationship with his GP, SGM & her adult children w/o baggage and drama.

I'm glad I decided to work it out that way. When I'm long gone the family can still go on. It just didn't seem responsible to wreck it for all posterity because I couldn't get along with my DF/SM. Of course, this is just my situation and my solution; not for everyone, I know.

Dear Pen,
I don't think this will happen to you necessarily.  Your son seems to want to keep you in his life so I'll bet he will want that for his future kids.  I think you will be the exception to the rule.  Just wait and see.  It seems like your son is aware of the way his wife feels so I think he'll go the extra mile for you. 

[luise.volta]

I feel the same way. I think the odds are in your favor. Sending love...

[Eva]

1 Glitterati
may I ask you a questions
1- what did your in-law did?
maybe you could help others to understand DILs behavior,

2-why did you decided to let in-law  see your children again
even they did not apologized to you?

3- after 2 years? who approach whom?
did your children recognized them?

...."They see the kids now.  Things are at a better place.  If they ever do what they did again, not only will I prohibit them from seeing the kids, I will finally have the leverage I need to force the sale of this house and move away.  They know I would do it, too...so I doubt they'll make that mistake again...."

after 1 year not seeing my 2GDs
I talk to my 2 GDs for 10 minutes  through  son's ex,
girls played outside in front of friends house,
little one 4years was confused, did walk away from us,
older GD 6years recognized me,
her eyes got bigger and she just run to me,jump in my arms,
giving me loooong warm hug,
did not want me to let go of her,
little one was just observing us, coming closer to us very slowly.
I pass older GD  to  my husband who hugs her
and ask little GD  to come to me,
she did and gave me warm hug and then my husband hug,
we were just hugging there all 4 of us

their mom our son's ex is expecting baby boy before Christmas
so they will have a little baby halve brother
(same mother, different father)

[1Glitterati]

1 Glitterati
may I ask you a questions
1- what did your in-law did?
maybe you could help others to understand DILs behavior,
  Boils down to basically not only siding with but supporting a crooked contractor who ended up costing us 100's of thousands of dollars.  To the point of going to the the bank with the guy and helping him (try unsuccessfully) try to extort money from the bank with the threat of a lawsuit.  they then allowed him to live on their property, eat dinner w/him, and make him a part of their family for well over a year, possibly two, after that.
2-why did you decided to let in-law  see your children again
even they did not apologized to you?
My inlaws are incapable of apologizing.  I'm never going to get that and have realized that.  It also helps that the guy who cost us so much money and nearly bankrupted us did the same to them.  (Actually that part makes me laugh---because we told them that would happen and they insisted that he would never do that and that I was lying about what was going on.)  In the end, I started to thaw because of something they did that was kind in relation to a death we had to deal with.  I also went to a bday dinner for my husband this past summer.  It's obvious that they are now very wary of me, perhaps even scared.  I seriously doubt they'll make a big mistake again.  I realized that I in fact have the power over what happens, not them anymore.

3- after 2 years? who approach whom?
did your children recognized them?
Yes.  Both children recognized them.

...."They see the kids now.  Things are at a better place.  If they ever do what they did again, not only will I prohibit them from seeing the kids, I will finally have the leverage I need to force the sale of this house and move away.  They know I would do it, too...so I doubt they'll make that mistake again...."

after 1 year not seeing my 2GDs
I talk to my 2 GDs for 10 minutes  through  son's ex,
girls played outside in front of friends house,
little one 4years was confused, did walk away from us,
older GD 6years recognized me,
her eyes got bigger and she just run to me,jump in my arms,
giving me loooong warm hug,
did not want me to let go of her,
little one was just observing us, coming closer to us very slowly.
I pass older GD  to  my husband who hugs her
and ask little GD  to come to me,
she did and gave me warm hug and then my husband hug,
we were just hugging there all 4 of us

their mom our son's ex is expecting baby boy before Christmas
so they will have a little baby halve brother
(same mother, different father)

[Eva]

thank you 1 Glitterati
that explain a lot and I do understand that
loosing your money and being accused of lying is hard on everyone,
in-law excluded you from family  :'(and welcomed crook in...

you were protecting your home and your family

[Pooh]

This whole thing is so sad. To know the rug can be pulled out from under me and there doesn't have to be an explanation is very unsettling. I already know DIL doesn't like me, so I fully expect to be the missing GM when future kids arrive while DIL's FOO will be allowed unlimited access. DS swears it won't happen, but I've been around the WWU block a few times. Hopeful, but not naive.

I would never have kept my kids away from the GPs unless abuse was involved; they loved their GPs, even though my relationship with my dad and stepmom was pretty awful (DH's parents were wonderful.) I felt that my issues with my dad and his wife shouldn't color my kids experience with their GPs. Kids need all the love and support they can get, IMHO. My DDD still doesn't know about my parental issues, but DS was informed recently. He can make up his own mind.

I had no worries that they were trying to take my kids from me - I thought it was great that at least my kids were getting to see the good side of DF & SM even if they didn't show that side to me! When we were all kept away from their "family" gatherings I played it down so the kids wouldn't be confused or hurt. Now as an adult, DS can have a grown-up relationship with his GP, SGM & her adult children w/o baggage and drama.

I'm glad I decided to work it out that way. When I'm long gone the family can still go on. It just didn't seem responsible to wreck it for all posterity because I couldn't get along with my DF/SM. Of course, this is just my situation and my solution; not for everyone, I know.

Dear Pen,
I don't think this will happen to you necessarily.  Your son seems to want to keep you in his life so I'll bet he will want that for his future kids.  I think you will be the exception to the rule.  Just wait and see.  It seems like your son is aware of the way his wife feels so I think he'll go the extra mile for you. 

Pen, I am with BT and Luise.  I think your DS is going to keep them in your life.  It may not be the ideal situation, but I think he is going to make the effort when he can.

And bravo for how you handled your situation.  I was the same way.  I couldn't stand my MIL/FIL and they didn't like me, but I always fostered their grandparent relationship with my sons.  They were always wonderful grandparents and now my sons have great adult relationships with them too. 

[Grammy Cammy]

Dear Gammy... I so relate to what you're going through.  My daughter was abused by my son-in-law a year ago yesterday.  My oldest granddaughter (almost 10) called crying.  I called 911 and my son-in-law went to jail.  Within days my daughter and son-in-law were blaming me for everything just because I called for help.  (My son-in-law is a drug addict and has threatened to kill my daughter and granddaughters in the past.)  My daughter's father and his current wife have always been jealous of the close relationship I've had with my granddaughters and encourage the blame placed on me.  I have not laid eyes on my precious granddaughters in a year.  We live in a small town and yet they have somehow kept me from running into the girls at the store, etc.  I and my parents were very close to the girls since birth, keeping them for days at a time, picking them up from school.  They spent every Saturday night with either my parents or me.  For the person who said on this page that they would never let a grandparent who filed for visitation rights ever see their children, what are you doing here???  What a horrible thing to say to someone who is in so much pain you just can't even imagine.  I 100% agree with the statement that baby boomers were too permissive and now our children enjoy stomping on us.  My daughter is mercenary too and is only interested in money and power.  She will come running when my parents pass away wanting to know what she can get.  What she will get is an escort to the door.  The free ride is over when she took away her leverage... human beings.  Love and blessings to all on this page who are in unbearable pain.  God help us all.

[Pooh]

Welcome Grammy Cammy and so sorry you are going through this.  It always amazes me that people put their children in those situations and then claim to be wonderful parents.  You did the absolute right thing in calling 911 and trying to protect your daughter and granddaughter.   Warm wishes and hugs to you.

[luise.volta]

For a first post, I feel this is a little strong. "For the person who said on this page that they would never let a grandparent who filed for visitation rights ever see their children, what are you doing here???"

What she is doing here is sharing her experience which may not be the same as yours. If she were in your shoes, she might take your position, and if your were in hers...the same scenario is possible.

This is not a take sides and duke it out site...this is a take what you want and leave the rest site. We respect those we don't agree with or we pick another site where we can take them on.

[1Glitterati]

For the person who said on this page that they would never let a grandparent who filed for visitation rights ever see their children, what are you doing here??? 

I am the poster who said it.  I also quantified in regards to abuse.

[luise.volta]

Luise, with all due respect that this is your forum, even though that was my first post I do have the right as an American to freedom of speech.

G.C.: You have no freedom of speech here. This forum is not a democracy. Got it?