Thought I'd give my last ditch effort

[luise.volta]

You are valiant and you are going to make it. It just takes you over at times. Isn't all progress like that...a few steps forward and then one or two back? To replay it and replay it and agitate over how how unfair it is and how to fix it and then to struggle with the whys and wherefores trying understand it is self destructive. It makes you a victim and you are an innocent bystander.

[Miss Understood]

You are so right Luise. I had 2 bad days in a row. I don't know why...I am mad though, it proved so unproductive and I feel like I gave them the power over me. I don't know why I even gave the energy...because today...I don't have time.
I am trying to realize that when I do have a bad day...I know there is a good one around the corner. That helps me get through the rough ones.
Just knowing that I am doing the right thing and not really lashing out helps me to solidify the fact that I am a good person, loving mom and I don't deserve this garbage.
Regardless...I am learning to move forward. Thanks for the support.

[luise.volta]

You're healing. You really are. The next time you feel like that...write it if you need to but send it to us not them. They don't even read it, in all probability. We are here for you.

[Miss Understood]

Thank you. I love having a place to come.

[luise.volta]

We all need a home away from home sometimes. 

[jill]

Miss Understood,
I know exactly how you feel, am going through the same thing with my dd.  Some days I cry a lot, and on other days I feel really angry.  I love your advice Luise, its a real comfort.
I was wondering, what about writing a letter, taking  time to put down your feelings, instead of a voice mail, when they can tell if you are angry or upset.  At least with a letter you can write some positive things as well.  I am planning on writing to my daughter.  What do you think Luise? 

[Miss Understood]

I tried a letter months ago...didn't work. I have a difficult relationship with my mother. Letters do not work. You can't hear tone. You can say the nicest thing and they can read it as anger. Letters do not work.

[luise.volta]

That's true. It's a good idea to write a letter...just don't mail it. I'm serious. Sending love...

[jomama]

Miss Understood,
I know exactly how you feel, am going through the same thing with my dd.  Some days I cry a lot, and on other days I feel really angry.  I love your advice Luise, its a real comfort.
I was wondering, what about writing a letter, taking  time to put down your feelings, instead of a voice mail, when they can tell if you are angry or upset.  At least with a letter you can write some positive things as well.  I am planning on writing to my daughter.  What do you think Luise?

I write letters.. and then I burn them. It helps to see my anger go up in smoke.

[Sheen]

Hi Miss Undestood
I think many of us have felt what you have been feeling the last few days. We are hurt, angry, disapointed and frustrated and there are days when it all comes to a head. When i first started down this road with my son, I tried calling him and got the machine, then I wrote him twice not really condeming his actions but more a plea to explain it so that I could understand. As time went on, there were days when I felt the same as you but I did that writing letters and not sending them. The last few years have gotten a bit easier and I have reached the point where although a day doesn't go by that I don't think of him, I only send him two cards a year, one at Christmas, one on his birthday . I usually enclose a note not even touching on the problems, just letting him know how his sisters are doing, wishing him and his family well etc.  I feel that at least he will know that he is not forgotten by any of us and if the day comes that he might have a change of heart, he would at least know that none of us would turn him away.   hugs

[Nana]

Miss Understood

I agree with Luise.  I know that it is very painful and we sometimes feel the urge to tell them all that we have stuck in our souls.    What you did was perfect in telling us the exact words you wished to tell him, so now it is out of your system.  You vented all this feelings out with us. 

You see when I am angry or hurt, I write a letter to the person who has hurt me and write out all my feelings and cry and when I am done and have clear my chest, I tear up the letter and I feel better.  It is the way I vent...in writing.  You just did. 

Dont send him more messages....wait patiently for him to call you. 

Love

[Miss Understood]

Thank you all! We are all good mothers. All of us. I would have given anything for my mom to reach out to me and tell me she loves me and not scold me all the time. I would give anything to know that she wants to work things out, that regardless of what I have done...I'm forgiven.
I am sure there are many people out there that wish they had mothers such as us. And DIL's too. Sad thing for me in all this...I never did anything bad...I always was so good to them. I just took the baby for a ride on the bike (helmet and safety seat...which he had the time of her life) They claim they said no, but they didn't. I definatly misunderstood, said I was sorry immediately and repeadedly. But I got the axe and so did his sisters and my DH.

[Eva]

I never did anything bad...I always was so good to them. I just took the baby for a ride on the bike (helmet and safety seat...which he had the time of her life) They claim they said no, but they didn't. I definatly misunderstood, said I was sorry immediately and repeadedly. But I got the axe and so did his sisters and my DH.
----------
Miss Understood
could this be just a jealousy on DIL part?
her child having good time with you?
her child loving you?

[Miss Understood]

Oh, Absolutely. In a nut shell. She made fun of my son for being a "mama's boy" all the time. He loved me, loved my cooking...I was good to her when ever she needed me...more so than anyone else. I think they had some marital problems and maybe my DS threw me into the equation and then the poisoning started...this is what my DH thinks. Then he picked on my ODD who has a daughter that he loved...that's why he wanted to have a baby. It's just a mess, lies they spread, told and they hurt us so much. No one did anything against them. My DS said they told me no bike ride and I went against their wishes...that did no happen. I was set up in a way. They claim they texted me, I didn't get it. Either way...she had a wonderful time and my goodness....I raised 5 kids, all on my bike. I ride my other GC on my bike, I am actually heading out on my bike right now. I am an experienced rider. NOTHING happened and I appologized. I don't deserve the silent treatment and cut off. Absolutely no communication. So, How can I fix or even assume...when I don't know what is really happening.
My DH and OD seem to think they got themselves in way to deep and if he makes up with me he'd have to eat a BIG HUMBLE sandwich to everyone he knows and he is just not mature enough to do that. It scares me that he never will either. I miss the baby so much. I miss them too. I just don't miss the yelling and screaming and the games.

[Eva]

just a thought
what is working for us
I step back using "Salomone wisdom" about real mother
and  gave space to father-son relationship,
you know to build male closeness
so my DH is calling DS to his cell -but never to his home,
and they go together for a beer, or to automotive shows
just male outings with male friends or his brothers