March 29, 2024, 03:30:51 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


How often?

Started by pam1, October 25, 2010, 09:23:20 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

cremebrulee

BT, how old is she?  The reason I ask is I'm wondering if she ever will be able to say no....and perhaps to, that is where she gets her behavior from, her parents....?  What do you think?  Does she act a lot like them?

barelythere

Quote from: cremebrulee on October 26, 2010, 02:30:36 PM
BT, how old is she?  The reason I ask is I'm wondering if she ever will be able to say no....and perhaps to, that is where she gets her behavior from, her parents....?  What do you think?  Does she act a lot like them?

She's 42 and yes, she acts just like them.  No sense of humor and totally opposite from us, which is fine except we are silly people and she does not do silly. 

pam1

LOL, she sounds like she'd fit right in with DH's family. 

Heck, I wonder what would happen if two people like that married each other.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

cremebrulee


QuoteShe's 42 and yes, she acts just like them.  No sense of humor and totally opposite from us, which is fine except we are silly people and she does not do silly.

LOL, she doesn't do silly....BT, she is missing out on so much, especially belly laughing....

cremebrulee

Quote from: pam1 on October 26, 2010, 02:39:48 PM
LOL, she sounds like she'd fit right in with DH's family. 

Heck, I wonder what would happen if two people like that married each other.

they'd probably both frown themselves silly....? 


LaurieS

hey speaking of silly and totally off subject... Need someone younger to answer this I guess... what is with adding the words 'so she said' to the end of a sentence to make it a dirty  thought?  I thought my dd and her bf were pulling my leg.. so I let my dd order her dinner the other night and when she told the waiter that she wanted her meat well done.. I quickly added So She Said.. the waiter about fell down my daughter had a look of shock and her bf gave me a high five... what's with that?

cremebrulee

Pam1,
I can't answer your question as a MIL, because my son, wife and GD, all live far away...

But as a DIL, I think every weekend is to much with a baby, jobs, work around the house?  But you have to decide what works best for your family....give yourselves some quality time to just veg if need be...or, visit them every weekend if that works for you?  Whatever you do, make you happy.



Good luck...

pam1

Quote from: Laurie on October 26, 2010, 02:47:07 PM
hey speaking of silly and totally off subject... Need someone younger to answer this I guess... what is with adding the words 'so she said' to the end of a sentence to make it a dirty  thought?  I thought my dd and her bf were pulling my leg.. so I let my dd order her dinner the other night and when she told the waiter that she wanted her meat well done.. I quickly added So She Said.. the waiter about fell down my daughter had a look of shock and her bf gave me a high five... what's with that?

LOL, I think you mean "that's what she said."  I didn't know where it came from so I just did a quick google and apparently it originated in a Waynes World skit and just caught on as a popular joke.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

pam1

Quote from: miss_priss on October 26, 2010, 12:59:55 PM
The calendar is a GREAT idea, color coded is even better, if you can keep up with it! 

I don't know Pam, I honestly would not commit, myself, to ALL of their events.  If it were me, I'd probably make an appearance at every-other event.  I'd start making plans for myself, plans for a spa day, plans with the girls, plans with my own FOO, plans to volunteer, plans to do things YOU enjoy.  I don't think you should be, nor should you feel, obligated to devote all or most your free time to his FOO.  Let him go on his own, maybe he'll start to miss you.

I don't commit myself to all of their events....and that's the problem.  They call, email, whine, beg, cry, demand...you name it to get their way.  It takes a huge toll on DH. 

If it were me, I'd say no..and not answer my phone again.  DH can't do that.  And I do let him go on his own, problem is, he doesn't want to go most of the time.  So it becomes a Pam said/did/will or won't do situation. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pen

Pam1, I too think the demands on your time are excessive. I wish I knew how you could deal with the whining and begging, but other than ignoring the bad behavior and rewarding good behavior, like with a toddler, I have no idea. Until DH steps up you're kind of stuck.

Hey, you could look at it this way: at least you're in demand and popular! Some of us are dealing with rejection and loneliness. If only we could mix both extremes together and get a balance.   ;D
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

miss_priss

I somewhat have to agree with Pen, at least they do like you enough to want to spend some time with YOU too.  They could be demanding that they get time with DH and the kids all to themselves without you.   

justus

Barely, I was in my 30s before I really learned how to say "NO!" and mean it to my family. I had been trained from birth to do what Mommy told me and the training was really good. Even now at 46, even though I am cut off, at times I start feeling guilty and wondering what I can do to make my Mommy happy. Learning that it wasn't my job to make her happy was one thing, following through was another. Bucking that sort of training is very, very hard even if you do see that there is a problem and you want to change things. It took me living far away for several years to understand how messed up my Mom was and DH had the same experience. He is 49 and chooses to continue to live far away from his Mom rather than confront the issues directly. I wish he would because I think they could work them out, and because I like most of his family and hate that I probably won't see them very much because of DH's avoidance issues and MIL's manipulative ways.

I think the best you can hope for is your son learning that "NO" is a complete sentence. Just like Pam is learning how to set her own boundaries, I hope your Son will learn to do the same.

cremebrulee

Learning to say no, is very difficult, and yanno what really bothered me the most....

I said no in a round about way...like, "well, I'm really not into that", or Wellllll, I don't think so..." and so on...but people don't hear that, they don't have the awareness to know that your actually saying NO and to respect that....so they carry on, as if they didn't hear it...

and what it does is, makes me angry b/c now they've put me in the position to have to say "NO!!!"  Yanno? 

luise.volta

From a (really) old person, it means it's not the truth.  :o
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

Quote from: justus on October 27, 2010, 09:22:57 AM
"NO" is a complete sentence.
I like that statement Justus... makes a lot of sense.. thanks