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My couple's gift this year will be ...

Started by mybetterself, October 23, 2010, 11:32:55 am

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kathleen

You too Luise---an interesting gal!

Correct again about Ann.  She did stipulate that her column could not go on under the nom de plume of Ann Landers after her death.  So they started a spinoff called "Annie's Mailbox" or some such title.  All you have to do is read it a few times to know it is not the same.

Abigail Van Buren, "Ann Landers" sister, started a similar column, "Dear Abby."  This, interestingly enough to our forum/list, created an estrangement of decades between the sisters.  Abby's daughter, I believe her name is Pauline, continues the column today.

And of course, eventually Ann's husband "left her for another woman," which was deeply humiliating to her as an advice columnist.  She "confessed" her humiliation in a column.  Very sad, but takes nothing away from her sage advice, in my opinion. 

This is an opportunity to say "thanks again" Luise for all that you do to make our lives better.  I was so desperate when I started writing.  I can't get over how much I've improved in my outlook and in embracing my beliefs and lifelong standards.  What's right for me is not right for everyone, but
it feels good and right for me.  The fog has lifted and I know where I stand.

Kathleen

luise.volta

I too have been left for another woman. It provides a learning cliff as opposed to a learning curve. For me it was a very important part of my personal individuation. (Which I am still working on, of course.) The "other woman" has become a dear friend of mine and they are both included in our family "dos."

Yes, Abby lives on. But to me, she never had the "gift." Those that follow don't have that much to live up to IMHO.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

kathleen

Agreed.  Abby never approached Ann in talent. Followers, as you suggest, got fainter and fainter.

Boy, can you handle curve balls.  Are you sure you don't want to play for the Red Sox?  Yankees?  Twins?  Favorite team???  Have the ex to gatherings?  I am not in that boat but I would have to work hard to sail to shore on that one, as you already have.

Your phrases are so original and great---"learning cliff." Wonderful.  I enjoy them.  And you have an incredible shared honesty that is very heartening.

And you have a sense of humor!  And it all helps in the mix as we are still all working on ourselves, of course, trying to make sense of the unfathomable. 

Kathleen

luise.volta

This exchange is so refreshing. Really. Yesterday I got a Personal Message that both of my sites were trash and so was I.  :o All in the eye of the beholder, if that stuff about projection is true...

Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

kathleen

What what what????

We must never take crazy responses to heart.

A rotten apple used to spoil an entire barrel, but fortunately, the Internet prevents that.

Kathleen

luise.volta

Yes, I love the "delete" button when that happens. :P

Aside: The "other woman" asked me at a family gathering, half (but only half) joking...if I'd like my "ex" back. I asked her if she'd like my wonderful husband of 21 years who is now in a nursing home at the age 99. She said "no" and we agreed that we'd both better finish what we started. She is miserably unhappy and I have a tough row to hoe but we are able to laugh together.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

barelythere

Quote from: kathleen on October 26, 2010, 04:04:18 pm
Agreed.  Abby never approached Ann in talent. Followers, as you suggest, got fainter and fainter.

Boy, can you handle curve balls.  Are you sure you don't want to play for the Red Sox?  Yankees?  Twins?  Favorite team???  Have the ex to gatherings?  I am not in that boat but I would have to work hard to sail to shore on that one, as you already have.

Your phrases are so original and great---"learning cliff." Wonderful.  I enjoy them.  And you have an incredible shared honesty that is very heartening.

And you have a sense of humor!  And it all helps in the mix as we are still all working on ourselves, of course, trying to make sense of the unfathomable. 

Kathleen


OMG, I'm SO glad Luise has a sense of humor and can do silly.  8)

cremebrulee

QuotePen "For, me all of these issues come back to what I most don't want to face at times as the answer: my family members are the way they are and the situations involving them are the way they are. My power lies in how I choose to react. I no longer educate, choreograph, direct...or even in some cases, inspire." Quote from Luise


Yup, Luise and her many wise sayings have helped me....once in a while, I to sink into these thoughts...Pen, your post really made me think about a lot....we surly can't change anyone but our own personas

QuoteHow true. That's what makes it so difficult! There's not a lot of preparation for this. We have scripts for sitcoms or we have Norman Rockwell pictures in our heads, but until I came face to face with a DIL who is who she is, and who she is is someone who doesn't want our family in the picture, I had no idea this could happen.


To be honest, I wish that Norman Rockwell picture was mine to....but it isn't....my son and DIL, chose to move far away (due to his career) and I don't get to see them much at all...it's difficult, as our family was always together on holidays...and every holiday isn't the same without them there....however, I suppose, it's a little easier for me, b/c I've had to fend for myself my entire life....I'm used to being alone, and most of the time desire it....however, while we always enjoy lovely holidays, he's still not there, and my secret wish is that my DIL allow me to love her like I love him....maybe someday? 

Quote"On the other hand I want my "kids" (grand kids and great grand kids) to be their own person and make their own way in life, following their own inclinations." Quote from Luise


yes, we do, but we also want it all, or I do, can't speak for you....its a human desire of mine to want them to come home...and be there....(maybe I've watched way to many movies)? 

QuoteI agree. We all (most of us) want to raise independent thinkers. We hope they will make their own choices of careers, living arrangements, who they date & marry. But if our adult children hand over the decision-making tasks to a spouse, does that mean we haven't succeeded after all? What pains me most is that it isn't DS's choice to separate from us, it's DIL's. She hasn't separated from her FOO, but she insists DS separate from his. As the Who sang, "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."


No, she hasn't...and she probably won't...why do our son's allow this, why don't our sons say, we're going to be fair here and alternate holidays...or have one great big dinner for everyone?  It would be so much easier and lest painful for the Inlaws?  And that is upsetting....my son always chooses to learn towards his father and the woman who was cruel to him...but, that was a long time ago, and he has forgiven her, they now have a big family....and she is good to his father...although very controlling...you get used to that when you life with it long enough....however, it doesn't help the hurt...it's logical of course, but when the heart hurts logic doesn't ease the pain.  My girlfriend thinks my son feels I'm stronger then his dad....I am...however, deep inside, when I hear them call her mom, it hurts like anything.

QuoteIt wasn't until our DS stood up to DIL and her FOO and insisted on his right to see his own FOO that he exhibited truly independent thinking. We know it wasn't easy for him but we're glad to know he's not a complete push-over.


yes, it does help to know that...Pen, may I ask what happened?  How do you know this happened?  What sparked it....?  Did it change anything?

Hugs Creme

luise.volta

BT - I am probably one of the silliest people you will ever come across. I can't tell you how many times it has come to the surface when I was going down for the count...and saved my bacon. (I am even wearing about 25 pounds of that "bacon" that I really don't need!)  ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

barelythere

Quote from: luise.volta on October 27, 2010, 11:24:04 am
BT - I am probably one of the silliest people you will ever come across. I can't tell you how many times it has come to the surface when I was going down for the count...and saved my bacon. (I am even wearing about 25 pounds of that "bacon" that I really don't need!)  ;D ;D ;D


Well, Luise, you can count yourself as one more person my DIL would not appreciate. :)  She thinks silly people are silly.  I agree with her.  :)

Scoop

I see what you did there, Barelythere!

Yes, I think silly people are silly too - and I love them for it!

Isn't it funny how the same thing can be perceived 2 ways?

barelythere

Quote from: Scoop on October 27, 2010, 11:47:22 am
I see what you did there, Barelythere!

Yes, I think silly people are silly too - and I love them for it!

Isn't it funny how the same thing can be perceived 2 ways?


It is funny how things can be seen two different ways but this extreme non-silly is just so tiresome and so not needed it seems like to me at least.  The nuttier the better as far as I'm concerned. We're all different, though.   :P

Pooh

Well, now there is nutty and then there is nutty!   8)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

barelythere

Quote from: Pooh on October 27, 2010, 12:27:30 pm
Well, now there is nutty and then there is nutty!   8)


True (ha!!) the truly nutty are attracted to me!!  I am attracted to them like a magnet.  Oy

That's why the non-nutty are so foreign to me.  :-[