Author Topic: The Money Minefield  (Read 3137 times)

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Offline Nana

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2010, 02:05:09 AM »
My son is a good, sweet and loyal,  but when it comes to paying back loans to dad and me, he is absent-minded lol.  We know it, so when he asks for money ....we know we have enter the zone of no-return.   When we go to the groceries, I ask son if he needs something, and he gives me a list and when we bring him his things he says "Thanks Mom and gives me a kiss".  A kiss from him is priceless.

I know that lending a lot of money to our children is not a good business.  So I agree, can never lend money that we cannot afford to lose.

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Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
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Offline Keys Girl

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2010, 08:38:57 AM »
I would give them 7 days to set up a repayment schedule that ends within two years.  Tell them that any payments not made will be deducted from any potential inheritance that might be due to them. 

Simple, pay me now or do without later.

Good luck, hope you get everything documented with a lawyer.
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LaurieS

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2010, 08:42:57 PM »
I agree with the expressed sentiment, "never lend money that we cannot afford to lose".  But at the same time expecting to be paid back for a student loan is not out of the question.  There is absolutely no reason why this couple can not be making two student loan payments monthly.  I would directly ask about setting up a realistic payment schedule.

barelythere

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2010, 09:30:16 PM »
I agree with the expressed sentiment, "never lend money that we cannot afford to lose".  But at the same time expecting to be paid back for a student loan is not out of the question.  There is absolutely no reason why this couple can not be making two student loan payments monthly.  I would directly ask about setting up a realistic payment schedule.

I have a different outlook on money.  If I give it, I ask that it be considered a gift and not for repayment, therefore I am not disappointed.  I do ask that when that person can, to give it to someone else who needs it.  Kind of like The Magnificent Obsession or, Paying it Forward.  It is only my way of doing things and not right for everyone.  I've seen money borrowed become the dissolution of many relationships. 

Offline Pen

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #19 on: October 25, 2010, 01:19:19 AM »
Isn't it wonderful that we could do for our kids what needed to be done? That we were in tune to their needs and able to make the choices that worked for them and for us? There's no right or wrong to how we choose to help our children. My DH and I made our choice to fully fund DS's college (he worked 2 jobs and paid for some of his more flexible expenses such as food and gasoline) based on our knowledge of our son's level of commitment and his ability/or lack thereof to juggle too many things at once. We also felt a moral obligation to send him out into the world debt-free. We have a political/social aversion to giving big banks outrageous interest fees, so taking out the high-interest loans we were offered as "financial aid" just wasn't going to happen. DS fulfilled his obligation to us by graduating with honors in a timely manner and was immediately completely on his own financially. We couldn't be prouder.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
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Nana120108

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #20 on: October 25, 2010, 08:26:23 AM »
JDU

I totally agree with SASSY!! Yes, there are parent/child issues right now...BUT, he made a financial promise that you have in writing (I would check the legalities for your area) and it needs to be honored! If you have retirement plans you shouldn't be expected to put that off because of  'oh, those are just my parents that loaned me the money, they can wait' attitudes! Kids often think that because you aren't going to impact their credit report, they don't have to make your debt a priority! (been there/done that). and like Sassy said, if they (or DIL) is already getting mad about every little thing anyway, you and DH might as well get your money back b'cuz you're going to need it. Did you know that the #1 reason parents don't get to retire on time or retire with the amount they need to live is 'being too generous with their children'! #1 reason!!! We have a 'joke' in our family...When our kids start asking for too much, we ask them, 'so, if Dad and I don't have enough money to retire on because we spent it ALL on ya'll, are you going to support us when we get older?' They laugh now, but I think they get the point.  I'll have to find the link on the statistic and post it later, point is, DS has a family AND income of his own, the debt he owes to ya'll comes before DIL's edu debt, you didn't fund her edu, you funded his, he should pay it back, even if it just small payments (something you all agree too) or even if it requires legal action, (I just heard all of the air get sucked out of the room)... If that is a route you think you may have to take, get all your ducks in a row before you approach your DS!! Find out where you stand legally and what actions have to be taken, or if there is anything you can even do about it. It doesn't mean you have to take those actions, but having the knowledge won't hurt and you'll be armed legally (should you need to be)! I wish you and DH luck and I hope you do get your money back for ya'lls financial stability in your lives! God Bless!!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The Money Minefield
« Reply #21 on: October 25, 2010, 09:09:01 AM »
I agree. Look the note over carefully, especially the fine print. Did it say in there anywhere that repayment was subject to convenience, priority or inclination? Or was there an addendum that when your number came to the top of the list, he would let you know? You were his bank...and you need to be treated like any other lending institution.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama