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Am I being overly sensitive or over reacting?

Started by Sadandalone59, October 21, 2010, 09:03:54 pm

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cremebrulee

Motherof3

I totally agree...also adding, that when we're young, it's so hard to say no...now, no is my middle name....LOL

erma

i agree with cream. no nursery unless asked for. which is what happened in my case. my dil and ds asked if i would make a bedroom for gc,  i was to watch baby while they went to work at 40 hrs week. since then though, gave the crib and changing table and some of the baby items to a family in need. it worked out. i very well understand the that an animal is an animal, so even though i love my animals, i could understand if she is afraid.  i kept my kittys away from my babies when they were infants, even though thats just an ole wives tale! were gifts given after she said no to the gifts? or did she except them and say thank you?

miss_priss

Quotei kept my kittys away from my babies when they were infants, even though thats just an ole wives tale!


I felt inclined to say this.  Cats and dogs are not predictable, and any veterinarian or pediatrician will tell you (as I've been told by mine), that pets should only be around children when closely supervised, and even then they are not always safe. 

Years ago when I was a kid, one of my little sister's classmates' baby sister (did you follow that?) was found dead, in her crib, the cat had suffocated her and then basically used her as a scratching post, as awful as that sounds.  The child was unrecognizable as she had bites and scratches all over her face and torso.  This happened overnight while the baby was sleeping and the parents never knew until the next morning.  The cat had been a family pet for several years and had never attacked anyone, even the older sister who was my sister's classmate.  I realize how rare this is, but I can't simply snub this off as an old wives' tale.  I myself have been bitten by two dogs, scratched and bitten by Lord-only-knows-how-many cats, and bucked off a camel at the fair (it's ok to laugh, I laugh about this now too).  Animals are simply unpredicable, no matter how well we think we know them as pets.

This wasn't mentioned in any of the posts, so I feel inclined to ask because I live with it....does the baby or either of the adults have pet allergies?  I can personally attest to the misery that dogs and cats cause me (even the "hypoallergenic" ones), and sometimes there's no amount of allergy medication that will help.  Just saying it's something to consider.

And I think these ladies might be on to something regarding your DS/DIL's inability to tell you "no."  It really does sound like they might be trying to preserve your feelings (eventhough they're obviously not being successful with that), but it also sounds like you may be "digging" a little too hard with them.  Just be careful that you are respecting their privacy and their roles as new parents.

My Dad told me something once that I still find so enlightening.  He said "Your life ain't none of my business anymore, you're grown now and I raised you the best I could.  I know you'll tell me what you want me to know, and that's all I need to know.  Ya know?"  Gotta love Daddy.

I sometimes wonder why it's not the Dad's who have these issues, but I guess they are out there too.  They don't seem to be online searching for clues or hope or whatever we women come here for.  My dad goes months sometimes without seeing me, DH, or his GD, but he welcomes us with hugs and never says a word.  My grandparents are the same way.  I wonder why that is... 

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Sadandalone59

Thank you ladies for all the insight.  I just wanted to elaborate on a few things and hopefully clear up some things.  Yes it was my idea to get the crib but she helped me pick it out and my son put it together.  She also helped me pick out the theme.  The thought was that they could go to a quick dinner or something and not have to drag everything here.  They have always been a couple who likes to go out and do things.  Her best friend's Mom has a nursery in her house for those same reasons and she brings her son there so she can run errands without dragging him around.  It is also very hot here in the summer and it is hard to take a baby out in the heat.  I didn't try to overstep my bounds.  I called it being helpful. 
I think I used the wrong wording on "dragging it out of them" with their long weekend.  I am invited over to their house every weekend for an hour or so as long as there isn't other family there as I don't want to interrupt.  My son told me that they were going to be gone.  But nothing more.  Yes I asked what they were doing.  Not trying to be nosy just interested.  My son and I used to talk about everything.  Not so much now as I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings as I have talked to him before about how I am feeling. 
My dogs are very nice and sweet.  They never had an issue with the dogs the two times they lived with me.  The dogs are wonderful with my other grandchildren.  Yes there is some dog hair.  Anyone with dogs know that there always is some but I vacume every day and it is by no means horrible or smelly.  My dogs are my family too.  My sons were both raised with pets as we always had dogs and cats.  MY DIL wanted to get a dog for years but couldn't because they rented.  The part that hurts the most is seeing all the pictures of the baby and the other grandmother and nonn of me unless I beg someone to take one.  Then it is never on display at their house.  Yes I am very jealous and because we used to be friends I don't know why since the baby came things changed so drastically.

Sadandalone59

I also realize that I probably spend too much time agonizing about things.  I raised both my boys as a single parent and we were very close their whole lives.  I do realize they need space which is why I only see them for a bit on the weekend and we used to go have lunch and catch up.  I don't think that I pry and when they ask me for money I never ask what it is for.  I have been trying to not expect anything but it is tough.  I always wait for my son to invite me.  It isn't like I just stop in or anything.  The holidays are the worst.  It was always just the boys and me and now I understand the family has gotten bigger but not wanting my other son's family at their house, them not wanting to be at my house, and when her family is there I really feel left out.  Course when I am there with just them my son is watching TV and my DIL has her nose stuck in the computer the whole time.  Rarely do we have a conversation longer than a few sentences.  I just play with the baby.  It does hurt my feelings though when she shows my son something on the computer and whispers and they both laugh but I am left in the dark what they are talking about.  No I really am not paranoid but that is a bit rude in my opinion. 

I will certainly give a great deal of thought to all you wonderful ladies who gave me their opinions.  It does make me feel better knowing I am not the only one and a few validated my feelings which I must say doesn't happen too often.  Usually I get the you are imagining it crap but I don't think that I am.

barelythere

Quote from: Sadandalone59 on October 22, 2010, 06:37:14 pm
Thank you ladies for all the insight.  I just wanted to elaborate on a few things and hopefully clear up some things.  Yes it was my idea to get the crib but she helped me pick it out and my son put it together.  She also helped me pick out the theme.  The thought was that they could go to a quick dinner or something and not have to drag everything here.  They have always been a couple who likes to go out and do things.  Her best friend's Mom has a nursery in her house for those same reasons and she brings her son there so she can run errands without dragging him around.  It is also very hot here in the summer and it is hard to take a baby out in the heat.  I didn't try to overstep my bounds.  I called it being helpful. 
I think I used the wrong wording on "dragging it out of them" with their long weekend.  I am invited over to their house every weekend for an hour or so as long as there isn't other family there as I don't want to interrupt.  My son told me that they were going to be gone.  But nothing more.  Yes I asked what they were doing.  Not trying to be nosy just interested.  My son and I used to talk about everything.  Not so much now as I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings as I have talked to him before about how I am feeling. 
My dogs are very nice and sweet.  They never had an issue with the dogs the two times they lived with me.  The dogs are wonderful with my other grandchildren.  Yes there is some dog hair.  Anyone with dogs know that there always is some but I vacume every day and it is by no means horrible or smelly.  My dogs are my family too.  My sons were both raised with pets as we always had dogs and cats.  MY DIL wanted to get a dog for years but couldn't because they rented.  The part that hurts the most is seeing all the pictures of the baby and the other grandmother and nonn of me unless I beg someone to take one.  Then it is never on display at their house.  Yes I am very jealous and because we used to be friends I don't know why since the baby came things changed so drastically.


I wrote an entire post and it went into cyperspace.  I guess it's in Heaven.  Anyway, my DIL did the same thing, asked for a crib here and even suggested the decor.  Never used it. 

One thing that happened recently was my son called me asking me what he should do about his wife and her reaction to not allowing their son to attend an event that he'd been working on with him for one year.  No reason given, just that she'd made other plans.  My son was so hurt/mad for their son because it's just another way of her controlling any situation.  Now, this is the first time in many, many years that my son has asked me any advice about his wife.

Guess what?  I kept my big fat mouth shut!!  I told him to do what she said to do. (if he doesn't, he knows she will make his life a living hell) and that this was none of my business.  My son rearranged the entire event for an earlier time so it might make his wife say it was okay.  She said, "no, you've already showed me you were willing to go against my wishes, so no."

I can't go into what the event was but it was so important to their son.  So important. I feel so sorry for my son and his son!!  My son made his bed.  I'll tell you, he needed a controlling person and he did get one.  So there.

Nana

Barelythere:

I am sorry that this happened because I imagine the way you feel.  We love our children and how terrible it is to see how they dont have a voice when it refers to their children.  I wonder how this all came to be. 

Good that you shut your mouth lol.  Your words could hunt you later on. 

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

barelythere

Quote from: Nana on October 22, 2010, 08:45:40 pm
Barelythere:

I am sorry that this happened because I imagine the way you feel.  We love our children and how terrible it is to see how they dont have a voice when it refers to their children.  I wonder how this all came to be. 

Good that you shut your mouth lol.  Your words could hunt you later on. 

Love


This is absolutely pathetic what she has done in my opinion.  How cruel.  I did keep my mouth shut and I am so proud of myself!!!  I told my husband and he had this sick/sad look on his face....how could she do this?  Why would our son not put his foot down?  This is his life and the one he chose. He needed someone to control him.  He did tell me that he will be demanding that his wife tell their son that he cannot be at the event.  GOOD!!

Nana

Barelythere:

Good for your son.  She must be held responsible for your gc not attending the event.  I feel sorry for your son asking your advice when he had not asked before, imagine how confuse he is now.
Why should your son be the bad guy of the movie, by no means,.  Having said this, good that this was his decision not your advice.....we mothers just have to zip our mouth.


Sadan:  About your picture only taken with gc when you ask and then not displaying it in your house might sound childish, but I did have that same feeling when I came to my dil's/son's house and the only pictures displayed where the picutres of dil's family.  Of course did not comment on it but felt like a hole in my stomack.   It is not being jealous, it is a feeling of being invisible to her eyes.    Once I went to my gc birthday cake at dil's house, she started shotting pictures of everyone with my gs but me..... it broke my heart.  This is not so nowadays but I have been there and it is only natural that you were hurt.  Cheer up.... our mom did take a lot of pictures of us lol. 



Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Pen

Our family isn't visible@ DS& DIL's house either but hers is. Very sad &  hurtful.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb