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What should I do?

Started by Barbie, October 17, 2010, 06:34:16 PM

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miss_priss

QuoteMiss Priss, at least your suggestions aren't being discussed on another thread as silly. 

I don't get it and I keep seeing it happen here, why not just direct your comments to the poster directly rather than in another thread?  Do you think the poster it was directed to won't see it?  Or get it?

Pam1 - you're spot on.  I know exactly what you're referring to, and I think the participants in that really need to be ashamed of themselves.  Yet it's the "20-30 somethings" that have no "common courtesy or respect."  I think I'm about over this.


miss_priss

Quotemiss priss, I think your suggestion would work fine for some families, but like pam1 pointed out about my suggestion...it's great in theory but in reality it isn't going to work for some families.  My IL's (ALL of whom are now cut off) did "couples" gifts occasionally after being told by my husband that he would not tolerate them completely ignoring me.  The problem was, they weren't really couples gifts at all.  They were his gifts that they put both of our names on, and sometimes these "gifts" were even something that they already had and just didn't need anymore.  He then asked them to please stop giving all of us gifts altogether....and they then said they just couldn't do that, gave him another used gift, and went back to ignoring me.  That was the last Christmas we spent with them.  Christmas was only a minor problem compared to everything else that we were dealing with concerning them, but they were using the "couples" gifts as just one more way to try to hurt me.

FAL - I totally get what you're saying here.  This is going to sound very mean to a lot of people, but the "couples" gifting concept probably would only work for families.....scratch that, let's face it, WOMEN do the majority of the shopping the majority of the time.  So this concept would only work for women who were reasonable enough to be able to pick out an appropriate "couples" gift and give it genuinely, and without malice.  MIL's like yours, obviously, couldn't do that (thus she gave a "couples gift" that was only appropriate for DH...so it won't work.  Like I said, there's always that one who throws things off, in your case it was the gift-giver.  We hadn't tried this with my MIL, but if I had to take a guess based on her track record...I'd say she would do something similar to what your MIL did.  Again, that's just my speculation. 

And now I feel the need to throw out the disclaimer, so that no one gets offended....again....(sigh)

This statement does not imply, suggest, or state that all Mothers in Law do not know how to shop, or give appropriate gifts.  This statement simply says that FAL's MIL didn't know how to, and then speculated on MY OWN MIL, not you, if you're reading this, so please do not take offense or feel the need to exert that you are not like FAL's MIL.  No one said you were.

QuoteI too have noticed that quite a few of our posts as DILs are either passed over or jokingly referred to later on or elsewhere.  Possibly because these posts hit a little too close to home sometimes?

I was wondering if Pam and I were the only ones who noticed this.  I was really hoping we weren't imagining it. 

Nana

Dear Miss Priss and Pam 1

You are right.  It happens sometimes but not only from mils to dils, the opposite happens too.  Or from a mil to another mil. 

We are also different and have different points of views and that is what makes discussion great.  We should always exclude the words "silly"or "ridiculous" I hate it when posters do that to any poster, I go....ups. 

There should always be respect because we have to disgree sometimes but we are here to express our opinion.

Now ladies (Pam and Priss) I personally have learned a lot from you.  I would never laugh about you.  And I wouldnt never like to give you guys the impression that you are right about mils because of the way we answer posts.  Not all mils are like the ones you got (lucky you lol), and I never feel ofended by your posts when you talk about your own mils, because it does not suit me, I dont take it personally because it doesnt sound like me.   I did have my problems with dil for two years but now we are relatively close (keeping boundaries) and she acknowledge that she treated me in the way she did because she did not wanted to give me the opportunity to be intrusive in their lives and that she realized afterwards that I was not that way.

So girls, maybe (just maybe) you would have liked me as a mil lol. 

Please Pam and Miss Priss... dont feel offended...  you know many posters do like and appreciate your post.

Good luck

Love

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

barelythere

What in the round world are you all talking about??

luise.volta

OK. Time out. Stop. Take what you want and leave the rest. That's it. We aren't going to choose up sides here and see who is getting the best of whom. Time to stop posting for a while if it has come to that. We don't have to agree and we don't have to be defensive. We don't have to do anything except: "take what we want and leave the rest."  If that doesn't work for any of you...there are oodles of bickering sites you can go to, so have at it. On this site, if a thread isn't offering you what you want, don't post on it. It's that simple.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama