Grandson came to visit us finally

[jill]

Hi Parentslol,
Glad to hear you had such a wonderful day with your grandson, and that your husband had a great time too.  It sounds like a perfect day, and I can understand your suspicions.  Best to take it slow, invite the children over again, hopefully he will find a job soon. It is a precarious situation, you want to keep them in your life, now that they are back, but you do not want to be used.

[Louey0727]

Hi Jill: 
As usual you have hit the 'nail on the head'.  You are always logical and perceive the situation in its true meaning
The hurt and the alienation that took place 2-1/2 years ago (the hurt and disrespect has been going much longer) has left us  very cautious when it comes to my son.  He can turn on and off his "gung ho' attitude at the drop of a hat.  We must always walk on egg shells, measure our words in case they are misinterpreted, all in order to keep peace and Harmony.  Sometimes the strain is too much and we do not want to go through this ever again.  I am honest, when I say, that this time, I will not be walked on, taken for granted and will nip things in the bud, if there is any sign of repeats of previous attacks on us.  We are too old, life is too short, and the trying to be a "yes" person all the time, is much too much.  Yes, it would be wonderful to have all the GC back in our lives, but I am not prepared to suffer the abuses like the last time.  I have one question for you, should I be the one, to keep in constant contact with my GS, or leave it like it is going so far; my GS contacting us that he wants to come over.  I do not want to be pushy and appear to be groveling for the visits as I know deep down that it could appear that I am open for taking the crumbs offered and my son may use this as an invitation to start his antics again.
Thanks Jill

[Pooh]

I think you can do both parentslol, just in small doses.  Since your GS emailed you first, I think sending an email to him saying how much you enjoyed your visit and you look forward to future visits would be appropriate.  I also think since your DS sent an email, simply emailing him back and saying thank you for letting GS come over and you hope there can be more visits in the future including the other two GS, would be appropriate.  As long as you leave it at that and don't start emailing constantly or try to pin them down to dates.

The other ladies may disagree with me, but I think you should continue letting them make the moves, but a thank you email would be appropriate.  But just 1.

*  Edit: I should have added I know we are not be proponents of email, but I bet GS would like to get one at his age.  It's fun for them.

[Faithlooksup]

Hi Parentslol,  I Believe you know what you are doing.....Go with what feels right and comfortable for you.  Our gut feelings will never lead us astray.....

Peace and Hugs, Faith

[Louey0727]

Dear Pooh:
The way you described what course I should take with my GS, I have done what you suggested.  I only respond to emails from GS and son when they send me one; re: my sons thanks for for having him over, I respond as you stated.  I also agree that I should not send frivolous emails, only respond to theirs.
Also, the part of sending my GS emails, I also do that, but it is to do with his love of Lego's and I signed up for registration on a Lego site, showing the latest lego's and funny things you can build out of them.
I will copy and save all funny lego pictures and I have sent my GS a email, just asking him how he likes the lego picture.  He does not respond, that does not matter, but I know that it will be fun for him to look at.
Pooh, that is all the connection I want right now "is small doses" and when I respond to an email from my son in which he thanks me, I in turn thank him and look forward to future visits.  I make the email short as I know how he dissects my words.
Pooh, I agree with you, I also strongly believe in letting them make the moves.

[Pooh]

I think you have a great handle on this parentslol and are doing wonderful!

[jill]

Hi Parentslol,
I agree with Pooh, it sounds like you have a handle on everything, and are taking it slow.  If you don't hear for a while I don't see any harm in sending an email to your grandson, telling you would love him to visit, and his grandpa would love to see him also.  I hardly ever see my gd but she loves animals and I send her cute animal pictures and videos, and always tell her I love her.
I recognized the situation with your ds because when my ydd calls it is usually to ask me to babysit.  She does not mention it right away, usually chats for a bit and when I ask how the boys are, then she will say one is sick and right away I know that's why she called.  I love my grandsons and certainly don't mind helping out, I know it is really hard being a working mom, but I just wish she would come straight to the point. And of course I wish she would call me sometimes just to see how I am.  So I take whatever opportunity  can to see my grandchildren.

[LaurieS]

At the end of the message, you might want to attach a list of contact numbers for your son that you may come up with.. I think you saw the real motivation behind the visits... Again IMHO.