Author Topic: Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....  (Read 620 times)

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cremebrulee

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Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....
« on: October 06, 2010, 06:09:39 AM »
I've noticed that so many of you come in and ask questions, however, if someone writes the opposite of your feelings, then you take it as if your being told your wrong....
and not only take insult to they're post, but your feelings are very hurt....or come back with a reply that I'm wrong for feeling that way.....

Well, I've given it a lot of thought and overnight came up with an idea that I wanted to share...

I remember when I used to feel like this....if someone diddn't agree with me, then I'd take it like they were telling me I was wrong....which meant, my whole way of thinking was wrong...however, over the years, much to my unawareness, in posting in many different forums, that has been a huge help in overcoming my fear of not belonging, or taking insult to those who do not agree with me.

Now, I don't care, and a lot of things just literally roll off my back, when before, if someone didn't agree with me, I'd be devestated, huff off and literally sometimes get all upset, wondering if others didn't like me and even cry....but over the years...I've gained confidence, but more so have learned to allow others they're opinions and not take personal insult if they didn't agree with my post....

I think posting in other forums, topic forums was a very good tool in helping me get over that and understand a much bigger picture, that there is no right and wrong answer, as a lot of times, it's personal cultures and personal institutions.....



« Last Edit: October 06, 2010, 06:11:38 AM by cremebrulee »

barelythere

  • Guest
Re: Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2010, 06:14:31 AM »
I've noticed that so many of you come in and ask questions, however, if someone writes the opposite of your feelings, then you take it as if your being told your wrong....
and not only take insult to they're post, but your feelings are very hurt....or come back with a reply that I'm wrong for feeling that way.....

Well, I've given it a lot of thought and overnight came up with an idea that I wanted to share...

I remember when I used to feel like this....if someone diddn't agree with me, then I'd take it like they were telling me I was wrong....which meant, my whole way of thinking was wrong...however, over the years, much to my unawareness, in posting in many different forums, that has been a huge help in overcoming my fear of not belonging, or taking insult to those who do not agree with me.

Now, I don't care, and a lot of things just literally roll off my back, when before, if someone didn't agree with me, I'd be devestated, huff off and literally sometimes get all upset, wondering if others didn't like me and even cry....but over the years...I've gained confidence, but more so have learned to allow others they're opinions and not take personal insult if they didn't agree with my post....

I think posting in other forums, topic forums was a very good tool in helping me get over that and understand a much bigger picture, that there is no right and wrong answer, as a lot of times, it's personal cultures and personal institutions.....

I agree with you, Creme.  I don't get my feelings hurt by asking a question and getting diverse answers.  I think it's the best thing in the world because you get to see other opinions, if they're given in the right spirit and it can become a learning tool for your whole life! :)

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2010, 06:22:47 AM »
exactly and for me it's the only way we can learn...

We stay “victims” to what others think of us as long as we identify with what they say. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, the things people say and do are a reflection of how they feel inside, and nothing else, nothing more?

Is it true that if you are feeling great one day, you will be more likely to give someone else a compliment instead of a criticism?

During a tough day, is your critical mind more active and ready to throw a blame or insult to someone else? I believe so. And I also beleive if your having an utterly poopy day, or even a bad hair day, your apt to take things people say a little more personally, then you would other days....

So, if you can relearn to not take insult to the way others feel, I believe we are way ahead of the game and are able to correct some relationships that went south, due to a bad reaction to someone else's feelings....

I remember the story of how a MIL told that she went to her DIL's home (and I don't remember where I heard this, so please if it was someone here, please don't think I'm using you as an example...I really and honestly don't remember where I heard this"  anyway, her DIL was having this big party, and the mil so wanted to help her Dil, so in the Mil's enthusiasum to help, she noticed that there were finger prints on the DIL's front door, so she proceeded to get paper towel and windex and clean the window for her dil, however,

When she did this the DIL's feelings were horrendously hurt...she felt her mil was saying that DIL was a terrible cleaner and housewife....she really took offense...big time...and this is what started problems between them...

When I read what MIL did, before she even said how the DIL reacted to it, I gasped, like, OMG that is the last thing you should do, b/c I knew how DIL might take it...but MIL never realized that it was an offensive act, or that she would hurt DIL's feelings, b/c all she wanted to do was appear to be busy and helpful....however, it backfired big time.

I as a DIL at one time, felt the very same way, and now, being older and a mil....I'd think, "hey come on over, clean anything you want, my cabinets, my floor, my laundry room..."...LOL....but when I was young, I took great many offenses to things that were not intended to hurt my feelings....




barelythere

  • Guest
Re: Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2010, 06:34:34 AM »
exactly and for me it's the only way we can learn...

We stay “victims” to what others think of us as long as we identify with what they say. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, the things people say and do are a reflection of how they feel inside, and nothing else, nothing more?

Is it true that if you are feeling great one day, you will be more likely to give someone else a compliment instead of a criticism?

During a tough day, is your critical mind more active and ready to throw a blame or insult to someone else? I believe so. And I also beleive if your having an utterly poopy day, or even a bad hair day, your apt to take things people say a little more personally, then you would other days....

So, if you can relearn to not take insult to the way others feel, I believe we are way ahead of the game and are able to correct some relationships that went south, due to a bad reaction to someone else's feelings....

I remember the story of how a MIL told that she went to her DIL's home (and I don't remember where I heard this, so please if it was someone here, please don't think I'm using you as an example...I really and honestly don't remember where I heard this"  anyway, her DIL was having this big party, and the mil so wanted to help her Dil, so in the Mil's enthusiasum to help, she noticed that there were finger prints on the DIL's front door, so she proceeded to get paper towel and windex and clean the window for her dil, however,

When she did this the DIL's feelings were horrendously hurt...she felt her mil was saying that DIL was a terrible cleaner and housewife....she really took offense...big time...and this is what started problems between them...

When I read what MIL did, before she even said how the DIL reacted to it, I gasped, like, OMG that is the last thing you should do, b/c I knew how DIL might take it...but MIL never realized that it was an offensive act, or that she would hurt DIL's feelings, b/c all she wanted to do was appear to be busy and helpful....however, it backfired big time.

I as a DIL at one time, felt the very same way, and now, being older and a mil....I'd think, "hey come on over, clean anything you want, my cabinets, my floor, my laundry room..."...LOL....but when I was young, I took great many offenses to things that were not intended to hurt my feelings....

Yes, I agree.  Yesterday for me was a terrible "bad hair day".  I was really down.  A relative was seriously ill so I tried to contact another relative about her, no answer and no call back.  Then I noticed that the relative was posting her tale of woe on Facebook and getting all these postings of love from others.  I couldn't understand why I couldn't be notified.  Until my husband pointed out to me that the whole family were probably on the outs with each other and it had ZERO to do with me.  And besides that, I'm barelythere! :P

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Taking insult to those who don't feel as you do....
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2010, 06:52:53 AM »
what if I tell you that compliments are just as empty as insults?
And when someone is constantly giving compliments, it makes the receiver a little cautious....b/c it doesn't seem sincere and only made as a way to smooze the receiver? 

What if neither should impact us emotionally?

Learning to deal peacefully with insults, also means dealing neutrally with compliments. They both come from the outside, they are both subject to what the person giving them is going through, and how they are feeling about themselves. Taking one, means taking the other. Being tired of being teased or insulted, requires the same type of work towards compliments.

Words can be very hurtful, even body language can leave marks on our soul. The energy in our body is very different whether we are reacting to something nice someone said, or something unpleasant. The tone of voice also says a lot more than words. When we talk about dealing with insults, we first need to look at ourselves in the mirror about our own words and actions, in order to truly start our way to a better place.

when we look to self is when we start gaining answers to questions....

thank you barelythere for participating....

Creme

« Last Edit: October 06, 2010, 07:11:06 AM by cremebrulee »