Author Topic: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth  (Read 1946 times)

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Offline Nana

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The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« on: October 04, 2010, 07:29:03 PM »
Ladies I will share this article that was forwarded to me in my hotmail. 
  The article was in spanish so I translated as best as I could.   


The New Generation of Parents
Striking Truth!


We were the first generation decided not to repeat the same mistakes our parents did.  And in an effort to dissipate past abuses, we are the most dedicated and understanding; but also the weakest and most  insecure parents that history has witnessed.

The seriousness of this matter  is that we are dealing with the most powerful, belligerent and disrespectful children that ever existed..

In our intent to be better parents, we went from one extreme to another. 

So now, we (parents) are the last children reprimanded by our parents, and the first generation reprimanded by our children.  The last parents that were afraid of our parents, and the first that fear our children.  The last that were raised under our parents command, and the first that live under our children’s disposition..

What makes matters worse is that we were the last generation that respected our parents and  the first generation that accepts that our children don’t respect us.

To the extent that permissiveness substituted authority, the terms of family relationships have changed in a radical way, for better or for worse.

Indeed, way back, good parents where those whose children behaved, obey orders and had respect.  While good children where those children that were formal and that worship their parents.

But to the extent in which Hierarchical boundaries between parents and our children have vanished, now good parents are those parents whose children love them but little do they respect them. 
And these are the children that now expect respect from their parents, understanding of their ideas, likes and dislike, lifestyle --- and also expect to be sponsored and supported by parents to meet their goals.

In other words, the roles were inverted – parents have to please their children if they want to have their children’s love ---not the other way around.

These explains the effort so many parents make to be their children’s best friends; and to be seen by them as “cool”.

It is said that the extremes met, and   the abusive authority  of the past filled our children with fear, but they disdain weak parents for being as lost as they are. 



Our children need to feel that during childhood we are the heads of their lives….leaders capable of supporting them when they are about to fall and to guide them when they don’t know the way.

 It is true that abuse of authority crushes them but permissiveness drowns them.



What do you think?  Does this fit you?

Anonymous…

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

barelythere

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2010, 08:04:50 PM »
I have to agree with this article, Nana.  We were disciplined by our parents (my husband and I), our kids were disciplined by us but their children are just as the article states, being the best friends of the parents.  Little discipline is done that I can see.  They are good kids but on the other hand, they are given everything and hardly ever told no.

Offline Nana

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2010, 08:39:41 PM »
Yes Barelythere:

I was thinking of the we as parents (the oldies) being the last generation.  The new generation are our children who by the way have children.  We are responsible for the new generationas we wanted our children about loving us so we disregarded the values of "respect and gratitude"


I was laughing when first read this article....its true.....our children now give us orders, scold us and even want to disciplined us.   Wow! 

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline autumnlady

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2010, 09:42:07 PM »
Nana - I completely agree with you.  What a crock!  I am the parent and this generation my DS#1 acts exactly like that the description.   They all feel they are entitled to everything.  They don't seem to think they need to work to earn it like we do.  Everything is handed to them.  DS#1 expects respect and boundaries from me and scolds me when I get out line (in his book) but gives no respect back.   Even though I disciplined both my sons, due to the divorce I gave in when I should have been stronger.

I have finally decided to completely let go.  I am tired of jumping through hoops to make them happy.  Which doesn't work anyway.  So I am going to get through this wedding and make me happy.  I will always be here for him, but he is going to have to come to me.  I will no longer except crumbs and allow disrespect by him and my future DIL.  DIL has put a big tear in my family and I am going to salavage what is left and be happy.  They have their life and I have mine.  Sending hugs to all....

Thanks again Nana  ;)

Offline Nana

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2010, 10:07:14 PM »
Autumn Lady

You are welcome.  It is never late to make changes.  Good for you!   You now have to be strong.  We can stop this the moment we decide not taking more of this treatment from our children.   I have stopped  my son on the tracks when he blows it.  He is sometimes blunt or in a bad mood....it is okey with me, I let him have his five minutes fame.  If we permit our children to overstep us....it will eventually get worse. 

We of course want our children to be happy....more than anything in the world...... but we also have the right to be happy....we were daughters too....and our parents wanted us to be happy too.....and so the chain will go on.......they sure will pay it with their children....some until then will realized what they did to us.   I have been lucky in this field,and it was probably because my husband was not so permissive....he never raised his voice but was able to control them by just staring at them.   I have friends that are really having a bad time with their children.  My friend's sons/daughters really abuse them (verbally and even physically).   

I hope that the couples who are having children now change the mentality of raising children as friends.   They need strong parents to guide them....friends they have a lot.

Good luck
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline Nana

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2010, 10:51:59 PM »
Yes Laurie....things are this way.  Many kids are raised this way (of course not all). 


I think that what our generation wanted was to make things better for our children.  We became more involved in their activities.  Tried to treat our children more like friends....with less authority attitude.  While the project was good.......where did we strayed...... we got lost.    We permitted our children to express themselves....even in an unrespectful manner  (like "shut up", etc).  We thought we were letting them be.   Our children were not capable of choosing what was best for them.  We surrender to them.....to their arguments.

I realized that for me it was easier to say yes (curfew or whatever)  than to be arguing for an hour and have my son/daughter angry with me.  It is easy to be nice.....tough to be just.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

cremebrulee

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2010, 05:08:46 AM »
I'd also like to say, that in addition to the instant gratification, we've become and indiviualist society....all those TV shows that promote not only instant gratification, but to fight to win....there is no team work emphasized any longer, the reality shows really seem to fixate on individualism....it's all about me...and some of those shows, I am shocked literally shocked at how the women act....?  It's like watching Jerry Springer????


Offline Scoop

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2010, 05:46:02 AM »
I don't know, it sounds like baloney to me. 

It sounds to me like the parents in this article wanted to be 'pioneers' as parents to small children, but then didn't re-evaluate their roles as parents to adults.  You can't expect to be the patriarch/matriarch after a lifetime of 'permissive' parenting.

And honestly, my parents learned as much from me, as I learned from them.  I dragged my Dad into the 20th century.  My Mom does her banking on the internet.  She's always been interested in learning new things and we really have a give & take, where we know each others strengths & weaknesses.

I believe that one of the problems my IL's have is that DH (and SIL) never stood up to them, and never taught them, well, anything.  So, of course they don't respect him as a person.  Nor are they interested in getting to know him as the man he has become, they prefer to think of him as a teenager, who still needs guidance.

I think that because my parents met DH as an adult they always treated him like an adult, with valid and valued opinions.  And of course he likes that.  He is HIGHLY respected at his work but when he goes "home" (to his P's) he's treated like a child, a NAUGHTY child at that.

Offline Pen

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2010, 07:54:15 AM »
My parents were of the so-called greatest generation, or at least the tail-end of it. If I had to judge that generation based on my experiences growing up with a narcissistic DF, I certainly wouldn't have called them "the greatest." My interests or accomplishments were not valued unless they were directly related to DF's or DM's interests or skill sets, and even then I didn't dare show aptitude lest I threaten my Ps. We children were expected to behave in public and go along with whatever was on their agenda, and we were controlled by "the look," rarely if ever spanked...and then suddenly we were in high school and received no guidance or encouragement whatsoever. Both parents were professionals in different fields of childrearing, BTW - they should have known better but did the best they could within the limits of their personal issues, I guess.

When I married and had kids I decided to actually love my children and show interest in their activities. We expressed joy and pride in their accomplishments. We didn't spoil them, foremost because we didn't want to raise brats but also because although we worked hard our income didn't allow for a lot of extras. We spent quality time with them and gave them enriching activities. DS & DD both had a lot of peripheral knowledge which helped them in school. We were always complimented on how knowledgeable, poised and well-behaved they were.

They learned entitlement 'on the street corner.' DS was mortified by wealthier (or at least they appeared that way) kids who teased him and the other regular, middle class kids in school. He was influenced by the greed and entitlement he saw in the media, even though we limited TV exposure and discussed the programs/advertisements they saw. DS married into a very materialistic, well-to-do family and for awhile was rather snotty to us. He's come to his senses and has expressed gratitude for all we've done for him; he's even stood up for us to his DIL's FOO. I'm glad he wants to be successful, that's why we paid for his education! But I don't want our "shabbier" lifestyle mocked by DIL (oh yeah, she's done that!) or DS.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

free_at_last

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2010, 09:13:38 AM »
I agree with Scoop...this seems like garbage to me.

Every generation has respectful kids, disrespectful kids, kids that are criminals, spoiled rotten kids, and kids that would do anything to help anyone, just like every generation has parents that fit every one of those descriptions, too.  Sometimes kids with fantastic parents grow up to be rotten adults and sometimes kids with rotten parents grow up to be fantastic adults.  It's always been that way and it still is.  Go spend some time in a public high school....and you will see that kids today really are no different than you and your peers at that age.  Technology has changed immensely, but the kids are still the same. 

Offline Pen

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2010, 09:36:51 AM »
Free, I agree..we can't generalize. There may be a trend or a theme to a generation, but that doesn't mean everyone behaves that way.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline autumnlady

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2010, 09:48:04 AM »
WORDS TO LIVE BY!

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right..
Forget about the ones who don't.
......Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it.



This is a quote I found a few months back and it so relates to my situation.  Not all children are disrespectful but for one reason or another one of mine has turned into that personna 5 years ago when he starting dating FDIL.  I don't blame her even though she is also disrespectful to me, but I blame him for not standing up to her.  I also blame myself for allowing the behavior.  As I said before NOT ANYMORE.  I love my son and hope the best for him and his new wife.   I finally realized that I am a wonderful person and I have to start living life for me and no one else.  My little boy is a man and he will need to figure this one out on his own.  Thanks again to everyone on this site.  Seeing the different perspectives ont this site makes me keep an open mind.  Sending hugs....:)

cremebrulee

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2010, 10:53:21 AM »
I can't say that our generation was the greatest, and realize, in today's society, there are parents out there who raise they're children, strict, like I was raised...we had a voice, like Anna said, however, it came down to our parents who made the last decission, and they always discussed it between each other then told us they're decission later.

Again, I realize, there is good and bad in every generation, however, when I'm out shopping, in a resturant, and have to listen to someone else's kids screaming, it totally freaks me out....when our kis acted like that, we walked out with them, until they calmed down....and we were certainly not allowed to run all over stores....or carry on and run in a doctor's office.  When in public, we had to whisper....but today, I strongly believe that modern technology has helped us loose our respect for the private space of others.  Cell phones, geeze, louise, don't get me started.
Back in our day, at least our parents taught us awareness for the peace and quiet of other people....it was different...now adays...and every generation calls they'res "back in my day, or the good ol days" but there doesn't seem to be as much emphasis on the fact, that there are other people around you, and it would be polite to walk away and use your cell phone, instead of making me listen to your privet conversation....

(and I'm using you or you're in general, I am not talking to anyone here)

Do you know that I was in a walmart and actually heard a toddler sitting in a cart say the mother of all bad words to his father...he said "F you dad" and the father did nothing??????

My mother was very sick and I had taken her to the doctors, there was a woman there with 3 kids, and they were running all over the place and into my foster mom, so I asked the woman to keep her kids out of my mom's personal space....it made me so angry....

And I see many more parents today, who will not and do not deal with discipline. 

While I am not targeting any mother here....this is what I've observed....and when I do see a child that is well behaved, I make it a point to say so, to they're parents....I think you can always tell parenting skills by observing a child in public.

If the kid is acting up, there is nothing wrong with swating the kid on the behind a few times....they're testing they're parents to see how much they can get away with...it really really gets to me, the way so many people call spanking child abuse, and yet, child molesters are running around free, and no one says a word about that....I spanked my son all of 3 times, however, I was very strict..and to this day he thanks me for the fact that I was....it was hard...but yes, I agree, way to many parents want to be friends with they're kids....and the kids get and have EVERYTHING?  Why? They don't know how to improvise or do without...and by giving them everything they want, your creating a monster for they're spouse, nothing will be special to them...b/c they expect it.

However, when I do see a well behaved child, I go, "Thank God".  and smile....LOL



« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 11:29:13 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline Nana

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2010, 08:43:08 PM »
I agree that we cannot generalize....but it is not garbage.  It does apply to me and to many others.  My parents were not very strict.   But I never dare talking to them in an unrespectful way.  We obey them and we honored our father and mother.  That is not so nowadays..... then tell me why did we raise this kids....we wanted to do a better job with our children.  I truly think that extremes are not good.  Probably there was something inbetween that we overlooked.   

My hubby and I were much more involved in our children's lives than were our parents with us.  I do like some aspects of the changes that took place from the other generation to ours.  But somewhere in the way, we missed something. 

That is why so many parents are having problems with their adult children.  We see this more than ever.  And of course there are many children that resulted just fine.    This does not apply to everyone.....it is only a comparison analysis.   


Good luck to all
Hugs
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

1Glitterati

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Re: The New Generation of Parents....Striking Truth
« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2010, 05:23:18 PM »
Quote
What makes matters worse is that we were the last generation that respected our parents and  the first generation that accepts that our children don’t respect us.

This is the part that bothers me.  I think there is a difference in what respect means.

I love my parents.  I am thankful for what they have done and still do for me.  Does this mean I never disagree with them?  No.  Does this mean I never tell them no?  No.

I think to many in the old school respect translates into blind agreement and blind obedience.  Whenever an adult child disagrees with the parent or does not do what the parents wants then the child is called disrespectful.