Author Topic: Should I be worried?  (Read 2817 times)

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Offline Pen

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Re: Should I be worried?
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2010, 04:25:54 PM »
We MILs were the mothers of babies once, and we were/are DILs. Here's hoping we've learned from our experiences and make decisions regarding the treatment of our DILs, DSs and GC based on what we appreciated or didn't appreciate back when we were adjusting to new parenthood/marriage. Everyone is different, therefore reactions to such treatment will vary. If it doesn't please DIL, no worries - she'll kindly thank you and kindly explain what she'd prefer. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

Here's why: Many DILs have no intention of thinking of their DH's FOO as family or even treating them with common courtesy after the wedding (I suspect many MILs felt the same about their DILs, but we're talking about DIL feelings right now.) If you don't like someone or intend never to view them as worthy humans, you don't want any display of affection from them - kindness, gifts, conversation, invitations, whatever. Think back to high school - enough said.

No one wants to be guilted into being nice to the nerd, so it's best to avoid them altogether or you might get slushied (any Glee fans out there?)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

barelythere

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Re: Should I be worried?
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2010, 08:16:26 PM »
We MILs were the mothers of babies once, and we were/are DILs. Here's hoping we've learned from our experiences and make decisions regarding the treatment of our DILs, DSs and GC based on what we appreciated or didn't appreciate back when we were adjusting to new parenthood/marriage. Everyone is different, therefore reactions to such treatment will vary. If it doesn't please DIL, no worries - she'll kindly thank you and kindly explain what she'd prefer. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

Here's why: Many DILs have no intention of thinking of their DH's FOO as family or even treating them with common courtesy after the wedding (I suspect many MILs felt the same about their DILs, but we're talking about DIL feelings right now.) If you don't like someone or intend never to view them as worthy humans, you don't want any display of affection from them - kindness, gifts, conversation, invitations, whatever. Think back to high school - enough said.

No one wants to be guilted into being nice to the nerd, so it's best to avoid them altogether or you might get slushied (any Glee fans out there?)

You're right, Pen.  I wish I hadn't been so naive about my daughter in law in the beginning.  I loved her absolutely.  We had so much fun and I could tell it meant the world to our son.  I thought she loved us too, she seemed like she did.  She didn't so that's the end of that.