Author Topic: Lies my daughter may have told them :(  (Read 3718 times)

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cdb

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Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« on: September 22, 2010, 02:58:07 AM »
My daughter accused me of sleeping the entire time I babysat my almost 3 year old granddaughter a week and a half ago while never seeing me when she dropped her off or seeing me when she picked her up. I am the one that called her right after she left since I heard her and was wide awake. Now, I worry (but know I have no control over it) that she and her boyfriend have told his parents the lies! The boyfriend's dad use to be my dentist but is on a break due to his wife having cancer. They have never seen the "ugly"side of my daughter yet, even her boyfriend hasn't. They will in the future. So, I am so upset thinking they believe what they tell them. It embarasses me, makes me angry and I feel humiliated. I refuse to call and talk to them since I don't know them well. And my daughter has not called me since she yelled and screamed at me. I live in a sort of small community and I actually don't care what anyone thinks at this point. I know what they are saying are lies. I will try to hold my head up high and be who I am, but in the meantime, it hurts like any hurt I cannot describe. Has this happened to anyone esle and what did you do? cdb

Freeasabird

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2010, 03:21:03 AM »
My  adopt daughter lies constantly  re me i do not speak s have contact now and would not do so unless i had third party present  it seems to be a personality disorder am social revenge for me deciding not to be manipulated any more. . Just be calm and do not rise to her. People will see thru it if yet act with dignity. You know you have done right

Offline Pooh

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2010, 05:40:58 AM »
Time always catches up with liars.  Eventually, everyone will see it.  You just have to go on and not fuel the fire or put yourself in that position again. 

I would also like to add, that we can not worry about "what ifs".  It's bad enough that we worry about the real things, but if you are constantly worrying about the "what ifs", that's on you....no one else.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2010, 07:45:34 AM »
At 83 very little hasn't happened to me or to those around me. I have learned that others have their own paths, whether they are related to me or not. They make their own choices and learn (or don't learn) when the consequences appear. My path is to know that they have that right and to stay out of the line of fire, if possible. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cdb

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2010, 09:43:58 PM »
I want and miss my grandkids so badly, I can't stand the pain. The cell phone range and  my daughter's number showed up. I didn't answer it in time. I called back and no one answered. Then she called back and I said I was returning her call. She had such a mean/angry voice and told me she never called. I said it showed up on my phone and she YELLED that her phone was in her car all day and she never called me. So, I said, Okay, Goodbye.  The anger I heard in her voice made my soul shiver. I am so unfamiliar with this kind of anger. I was meeting 2 friends for coffee and I was feeling rage. That is not me either. They helped to calm me down. Then the tears came.
I understand about staying out of the line of fire now. I did nothing to deserve this! I am not going to tell my husband about this since he is siding with her! I am getting sick. I go to see my mom now for 4 days and will be all alone at my dad's house. I feel like  a little girl that wants her mom. My brother disowned all of us over 8 years ago and I never, ever thought that anything like this would happen to me. I am in total shock again. If I could, I would put my head in a hole and stay there. cdb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2010, 09:49:15 PM »
Sending deep and abiding love and carrying you in my heart...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cdb

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2010, 09:53:36 PM »
Thank you so much Luise. I needed to read that right now. I feel so alone and so hurt. But reading this now touched my heart. cdb

barelythere

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2010, 09:55:53 PM »
Oh CDB.. don't put your head in a hole.  We need you here.  You come back to us, we take care of each other.  :'(

Offline Nana

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2010, 10:25:42 PM »
Cdb

Your head up high.....You are depressed and have all the right to be (your bill of rights) but dont nurture it.  Try to get busy with something you like to do or have coffee with your friends.  Dont call anymore for your own well-being.

I have a lot of praying to do tonight....for all you strong, loving ladies.

God Bless
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline Pooh

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2010, 05:37:30 AM »
My thoughts are with you cdb.  Maybe you could look at this alone time differently that you are going to be getting?  Get a couple of books you have been wanting to read, or some movies you have been wanting to see?  Think of it as "Me" time to find your center, and some peace and quiet.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cdb

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2010, 02:46:26 AM »
Thank you all for your undconditional, caring support! Isn't it something how we get it online, but it is hard to find outside in our lives? I made it to my dad's house, but it is 4:30am and I can't sleep. It didn't help to do some shoe shopping online, but I have such wide feet from being overweight, that I can only find shoes there now. I found a  leopard basic pump in my size for  40.00 LOL. I will love wearing those and feeling young, and brave LOL.
It is sooo nice to be in a quiet environment for now. NO calls to my daughter, for sure. I talked to my daughter in law today and she is so nice and understanding. She talks to her mom every day on her way to work. I explained how it is best for her to plan Thanksgiving with her parents since our lives are so up in the air. My mother in law moves one block away from me the first week in October. Out of 5 children, they have left this up to my husband now. The oldest brother handled all her money etc. until she ran out,, then he just let her be on her own. She really is a nice mother in law, especially when she saw me at my worst and still hugged me etc.
I am embarassed to say how I screamed so loud and irrational at my spouse before I left. It shows me how bad all this stress is getting to me. I called on the way here and apologized and tried to get him to understand what it feels like in my shoes. I think he listened the best he could. I also told him how it felt to come here all alone and handle my mom's affairs all by myself. And how she has gotten worse, but will be taken off of Hospice.
Okay, I get it now. Get all of this out of my head. I am going to work on that. Out of site , out of mind helps. And it was so nice to talk to my daughter in law. This family situatiohn etc. is all new to her and how she was raised.  Gosh, I wish the holdidays were not coming upon us. But, one day at a time. Time to get some sleep. I am looking foreward to seeing my mom tomorrow, but have mixed feelings too. cdb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2010, 06:42:52 AM »
Glad you arrived safely and are getting your bearings...and new shoes!  ;D  And glad your DIL is there for you. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Freeasabird

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2010, 05:12:18 PM »
Yes  believe in you no matter what is said u know what happened and other s will ultimately reap what they sow. I kind of accept after much pain i can never change people reality its not my job. I have to live and be my self if i year out over my sons loss i will die bitter old woman!

cdb

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Re: Lies my daughter may have told them :(
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2010, 05:07:23 AM »
I am still stressed, but am enjoying my friends from my women's abuse support group. They tell me I am a lot of fun to be around and we laugh so much. I will finally have one over to my house :) I am going to plan things with my son's son and bond with him. I did call my daughter tonight to ask about her dance class for 3 year olds on Thursdays, I was on the wrong side of town and said I may come next week. My daughter at least talked CIVIL to me with no yelling, but I could sense she feels a sense of control still. It was nice to hear my granddaughters voice in the background. Her so-called-inlaws have taken a 3 month camping trip. I will still focus on me. I have every right to be angry at her behavior and see how I should have taken a stand years and years ago.
I just wish I could sleep better. For now, One day at a time. cdb