Daughter goes to grad school and is completely ignoring me and her dad

[guitaristmom]

Amazing.   We were there for her when she needed money. She borrowed about $2500 this year from us.  However, when she doesn't need money, we don't hear from her. We'll even email her, leave a text message, and we get ignored. She does, however, post on her younger sister's facebook account.  I finally wrote an email tonight that told her that I needed an answer to my question of 2 weeks ago. She's in grad school now and we had an agreement that she would reliquish the cell phone so her younger brother could finally have one. She's getting a stipend and was going to get her own plan. That email was 2 weeks ago and she doesn't care to respond. I am tempted to simply turn her phone off at the end of the month. I am afraid that will really make her turn against us forever. My husband feels that she's left the family. We know that she's somewhat angry because her boyfriend got a brand new imported car for his graduation gift, and we could only give her a small cash amount and when she asked for a laptop, I gave her my gently used one simply because her loan wiped us out (hubby just finished with a temporary job layoff period).     Things are getting better for us now and for our anniversary we did decide to get a used hot hub because we both have arthritis and she said "you shouldn't be buying a hot tub when you have kids in college".   When I was in college, my parents helped me as they could, with books, and I went to work. My daughter did not hold a single REAL job in 4 years of college. She refused to.  She would overspend on her student loans and then get into a crisis.

I guess you can see a pattern here. I guess we are enabling. It will be very hard to turn her phone off at the end of this month, but it appears that is what we are going to do.

[luise.volta]

Welcome - When we see a pattern, we are a long way toward resolution. It's so hard when we see there are givers and there are takers. The giving comes from love...but the taking is heartless. The next step, of course, is self-love and "no." A word most of us can't spell or pronounce  Sending love...