Author Topic: Need Advice  (Read 2331 times)

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cremebrulee

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Need Advice
« on: August 19, 2010, 07:48:48 AM »
First let me say, I've been living alone for a lot of years now, and independent along with hate being smothered....
I work full time, and my schedule does not coincide with the schedules of others...it's my choice...however, where I live, people are retired...they're home all day...

So, I have this one neighbor, who is really sweet...just lost her husband a year ago and is very lonely...however, she refuses to remember my schedule is not hers...and comes over and sits and sits when I should be in bed...or she calls a lot and complains...however, does nothing to fix things, she just wants to complain...and that is the way she is, and I accept her for it, however, it is overwhelming me....

Well, I finally blew the other night...I didn't say hello to her the way she thought I should, so in the next few minutes when I'm in the house, she calls....and says, are you all right? 
Well, I know it's an opening for a long drawn out phone call, and I told her right out...

Missy...your going to have to understand, I keep different hours then you do, and I work and you don't....when I come home, it's my much needed down time, and I need to go to bed early...yes, I've got some things on my mind and haven't been sleeping well, so I'm extra tired, but just b/c I don't say hello to you the way you would like me to, doesn't mean there is something wrong.  And I felt awful afterwards, yet relieved that maybe sshe wouldn't call so much...it is never a short conversation with her on the phone, or when she stops over....then she tells me, "I think I'm going to return your cooler right now", and I go, "NO, Please DON'T, not now, I'll get it later...but I knew if she'd come over she'd stay....

I feel bad...however, she wasn't getting it, and I've been saying this to her for over a year now...it's interfering with my personal life and driving me up a wall....I really hate it when women want to complain and whine, and they don't want to do anything to help themselves, and without going into detail...if she doesn't get on it, and start taking responsibly, she's going to be out a lot of money.

What the whole thing boils down to, is her husband did EVERYTHING for her....which is so wrong...and so disabling...

another things which I haven't been able to figure out just yet...I have a very very close friend whom I adore there....we spend a lot of time together...she is an angel...lets call her Loretta....

Well, Missy made a comment to me not long ago....don't always ask Loretta to do favors, ask me now and then, and she yelled at me...well, Loretta and I help each other out a lot...it's just been that way since I've moved there....well, the other night, Loretta told me that Missy snapped at her....????  I don't know if Missy is hurt by our relationship?  I've noticed, all Missy has is her family whom she is very close to...and they depend on each other...she doesn't have as many friends as Loretta and I do...

I have single girls night dinners and a movie for about 5 - 7 of us once in a while, and noticed that Missy doesn't talk nearly as much and that kind of wonders me?  Maybe she is shy in a group?  I dunno, but I'm feeling that something is a little off kilter here?

So, this might also be a good topic for discussion along with your inputs...and please remember, I have been trying to tell her this for over a year now...but she is not listening....

I don't want to hurt her feelings, however, it's becoming a nuisance...

What do I do? 



« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 07:59:46 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline Pooh

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2010, 08:17:06 AM »
What the whole thing boils down to, is her husband did EVERYTHING for her....which is so wrong...and so disabling...


I think you answered your own question with that line.  I would think that since she doesn't know how to be independent, she doesn't know how to handle problems and is going to have to learn.  And maybe her insecurities in not knowing how to do anything is causing her to feel insecure around you and girl's night because she sees how strong you all are?   I think you needed to tell her what you did, but I am sure you feel bad that it happened the way it did and would have preferred to sit down and talk about it. 

I have learned over and over again, you can't help someone that is not willing to help themselves.  Bless you for being there for her for so long even though it is causing you problems.  You have such a good heart.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2010, 08:28:56 AM »
What the whole thing boils down to, is her husband did EVERYTHING for her....which is so wrong...and so disabling...


I think you answered your own question with that line.  I would think that since she doesn't know how to be independent, she doesn't know how to handle problems and is going to have to learn.  And maybe her insecurities in not knowing how to do anything is causing her to feel insecure around you and girl's night because she sees how strong you all are?   I think you needed to tell her what you did, but I am sure you feel bad that it happened the way it did and would have preferred to sit down and talk about it. 

I have learned over and over again, you can't help someone that is not willing to help themselves.  Bless you for being there for her for so long even though it is causing you problems.  You have such a good heart.


Thanks so much Pooh and I think your right...
the other night she called me, and complained about her illness....and she is sick...but she runs and runs, can't sit home and rest...and that's ok, but half her reason why she doesn't improve...?  But she loves to complain about it....

I just am trying so hard to muster the patience, because I don't want to hurt her feelings, and perhaps I should sit down and talk to her...when the time is right....and apologize for snapping at her? 
But yeah, everyone else is very strong...except one of the girls, she is very insecure, always, and doesn't say much, unless she and I are alone, but Missy, appears to have the right stuff, I think like you said, she just doesn't seem to know yet, how to put it into action...like for instance, she won't open her mail, b/c she's afraid of bills....?????  She says, then she's got to sit down and write checks...but she's gettting herself into trouble...? 

Anyway...let me tell you, honestly...I am so glad I am independent...there is no way a wife should allow her husband to do everything....this woman didn't get her taxes last year, so now she's questioning it this year????

I mean, I think it's really really bad b/c men usually pass on before women do, not always but in a lot of cases, and here is the woman, now helpless...that is so sad....

Offline Pooh

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2010, 08:45:02 AM »
I had so many chores growing up to do, and when I would complain about my long list, my Mother would always say, "I want you to be able to do anything and never have to depend upon a man for your well-being.  I want you to find love because you deserve it.  Not because you need someone to take care of you."

I had a wonderful role model growing up in my Mother and I have the up-most respect for how she raised me and raised my own sons the same way.   They both learned to clean house, cook, laundry, etc.

I will say this though that I discovered about myself in my late 30's.  The backlash of that was that I didn't know how to "need" anyone.  I had to do everything myself.  Because I was so independent, I forgot that men need to feel "needed".  That is one of the things I struggled with after my divorce and in dating my current husband.  I had to "allow" him to do things for me and it about killed me! Lol.  He loves how independent I am, but also says he needs to be needed sometimes.  He still  has to remind me sometimes, when he is trying to do something nice for me, "Hey stubborn.  Let me do this for you!"

I am still learning.......
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2010, 09:01:54 AM »
I had so many chores growing up to do, and when I would complain about my long list, my Mother would always say, "I want you to be able to do anything and never have to depend upon a man for your well-being.  I want you to find love because you deserve it.  Not because you need someone to take care of you."

I had a wonderful role model growing up in my Mother and I have the up-most respect for how she raised me and raised my own sons the same way.   They both learned to clean house, cook, laundry, etc.

I will say this though that I discovered about myself in my late 30's.  The backlash of that was that I didn't know how to "need" anyone.  I had to do everything myself.  Because I was so independent, I forgot that men need to feel "needed".  That is one of the things I struggled with after my divorce and in dating my current husband.  I had to "allow" him to do things for me and it about killed me! Lol.  He loves how independent I am, but also says he needs to be needed sometimes.  He still  has to remind me sometimes, when he is trying to do something nice for me, "Hey stubborn.  Let me do this for you!"

I am still learning.......

Yanno Pooh, I have thought about that a lot....I was forced to be independent since I was a child....and while being married, I now believe what you say holds a lot of water....

How does one need someone else...? 

Believe me, that is why I'm single....I honestly don't believe I know how to need someone?


Sunny1

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2010, 09:48:39 AM »

  The backlash of that was that I didn't know how to "need" anyone.  I had to do everything myself.  Because I was so independent, I forgot that men need to feel "needed".  That is one of the things I struggled with after my divorce and in dating my current husband.  I had to "allow" him to do things for me and it about killed me! Lol.  He loves how independent I am, but also says he needs to be needed sometimes.  He still  has to remind me sometimes, when he is trying to do something nice for me, "Hey stubborn.  Let me do this for you!"

I am still learning.......



I understand this entirely. I was raised in a tough love environment and after my failed first marraige, there was never any other choice than to face the facts that I had a child to raise on my own. So off to college I went, I had never thought that I would have to "dump" my child at daycare while I was in school, but I also knew I had 16 more years that I had to be 100% responsible for my child, physically, financially and emotionally.

So ten years later, after I've remarried, I find that my husband often says the very same things about me not needing him. After all the chaos his mom has caused in our relationship, he will jokingly say "you need a man that will always put you first, you deserve much better than me..."
and I will joke back to him, "no honey, I've NEVERneeded you or any man for that matter,. So don't worry, if I ever plan to leave you, it definitely won't be for another man, it would be for ME.


Sunny1

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2010, 10:03:38 AM »


 
But yeah, everyone else is very strong...except one of the girls, she is very insecure, always, and doesn't say much, unless she and I are alone, but Missy, appears to have the right stuff, I think like you said, she just doesn't seem to know yet, how to put it into action...like for instance, she won't open her mail, b/c she's afraid of bills....?????  She says, then she's got to sit down and write checks...but she's gettting herself into trouble...? 

Anyway...let me tell you, honestly...I am so glad I am independent...there is no way a wife should allow her husband to do everything....this woman didn't get her taxes last year, so now she's questioning it this year????

I mean, I think it's really really bad b/c men usually pass on before women do, not always but in a lot of cases, and here is the woman, now helpless...that is so sad....
[/quote]

Please bear with me...I'm still trying to figure out using the quote section of this forum.  ???

Anyway, Creme...I'm not sure where you live, but as you said everyone around you is retired. In my area, there are often free classes to retired aged persons for general basic computer usage, and taxes, etc,. The vocational school in our area offers them, and also a job training place does. Heck, my own parents took the free computer classes and their not quite retirement age.

If you were able to locate something like that in your area, it might be good to offer to take the classes with her?? That way she wouldn't be alone in the endeavor.

cremebrulee

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2010, 10:36:05 AM »
Quote
Anyway, Creme...I'm not sure where you live, but as you said everyone around you is retired. In my area, there are often free classes to retired aged persons for general basic computer usage, and taxes, etc,. The vocational school in our area offers them, and also a job training place does. Heck, my own parents took the free computer classes and their not quite retirement age.

If you were able to locate something like that in your area, it might be good to offer to take the classes with her?? That way she wouldn't be alone in the endeavor.

That is a great idea....Thank you!!!!!

Offline Pooh

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2010, 10:48:19 AM »
I don't know how to tell anyone to get there.  For me, it was self-awareness and talking to male friends.  During my divorce and after, I took a good long look at myself.  I read books, I attended seminars and went on a path of self-discovery.  I was so angry at my ex for how he left and the viciousness he was displaying during the divorce, that I needed to resolve that within myself.  In doing so, I also wanted to know what part I played in the failure of my marriage.  I had several guy friends, and I asked them.  I have a couple that were very forthcoming and told me a lot about how men think.  That was one of the things they said about me.  One told me it would be hard to be married to a woman like me.

Yep, you guessed it.  Ticked me off but I listened to what he said.  I asked and I wanted to know.  Two of the things that stood out about me was that I didn't need a man.  I was capable of doing anything and everything and he said that was very intimidating.  He said that men needed to feel needed and wanted.  He told me that being very secure and confident was extremely attractive to men, but it had to be tempered with a dose of "need".  He also told me that I had focused much of my attention on my sons and their activities.  That I had made being a Mother my top priority, and that I had not given my marriage much attention.  OK, that one hurt.  And although I had every excuse in the book of why I had to, and rightfully so because of his lack of helping, it was still true. 

Now, he is a really good person and he followed that with, "I know you had to because of how he was.  I am not saying it was your fault, I am saying that you were with the wrong person.  You needed someone that appreciated you and was grateful for everything you do and wanted to help and carry their share.  You didn't have that."

I had to quit making excuses for what I did and accept the fact that I had done them.  Everything he said was true and I also had to make a conscious decision to change.  It would have been easier to just say, "I am who I am and if someone wants to love me, they have to love me for who I am."  But that meant I would have picked someone just like I did the first time.  Someone that didn't care if I took all the responsibility off of them.  In order to be in a healthy, loving relationship, I had to be willing to find a balance in my Independence that allowed room for "allowing" someone to help me.

And that is what I have now.  My DH is a very loving, caring and unselfish person.  But trust me, it wasn't easy.  When we dated, he would go to open the car door for me and I would grab it going, "I got it."  He would just stand there, raise his eyebrows and say, "I know you are capable of it, but I would like to do it."  We lived an hour away from each other and I will never forget when I got the flu.  I am one of these people that doesn't want to be bothered when I am sick.  I don't want someone hovering and playing nurse maid.  I had talked to him on the phone earlier and let him know that I was very sick and would talk to him later.  I fell asleep on the couch running a 102 fever and when I woke up a couple of hours later, he was sitting there in a kitchen chair, just staring at me.  I about died.  There he sat, a container of Chinese soup on the coffee table and a big glass of sprite.  I remember thinking, "How stupid that he drove all the way over here and I was capable of taking care of myself."  He just smiled at me and said, "Feel better" and left. 

A couple of days later when I was feeling better, I told him that it was so totally unnecessary for him to drive all the way over.  He said, "It was unnecessary to you, but necessary for me.  I was worried and wanted to see for myself, that you were taken care of.  I didn't stay and bother you, but I needed to check on you."  I think it was at that moment that I realized that it wasn't about me, it was about us.  He allowed me to be independent by not staying around me hovering, but he also needed to feel like he had helped.

And that was it.  I knew then that my independence was a great thing but also holding me back in some ways.  I can tell you now, 3 years later.....it is wonderful to know that I can be strong but willingly weak.  It's OK.  I never had anyone tell me that it was OK to need someone and let go.  We don't have to be strong all the time.  There is a huge strength that comes from being vulnerable and having someone else there to be the strong one.  And he is my priority now.  I still have all my friends and activities, but our marriage comes first.  No matter what else is going on in our lives, we always remember to take time for each other.  Sometimes that means just really listening to a recount of a bad day and at other times, when life gets so busy, we have both had to say, "Hey we need quality time," and set everything else aside and do something together.

Is is easy?  Nope.  I still get fussed at for not letting him do something.   I was doing dishes last night and he walked up behind me and said, "Here, let me finish.  You relax."  I immediately went, "I'm almost done.  I got it."  I heard the sigh and turned around and handed him the dish rag.  I kind of grinned sheepishly and went, "Thank you."  The smile on his face was worth every bit of letting go.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Sunny1

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2010, 11:23:40 AM »

 

  I knew then that my independence was a great thing but also holding me back in some ways.  I can tell you now, 3 years later.....it is wonderful to know that I can be strong but willingly weak.  It's OK.  I never had anyone tell me that it was OK to need someone and let go.  We don't have to be strong all the time.  There is a huge strength that comes from being vulnerable and having someone else there to be the strong one. 

Is is easy?  Nope.  I still get fussed at for not letting him do something.   I was doing dishes last night and he walked up behind me and said, "Here, let me finish.  You relax."  I immediately went, "I'm almost done.  I got it."  I heard the sigh and turned around and handed him the dish rag.  I kind of grinned sheepishly and went, "Thank you."  The smile on his face was worth every bit of letting go.


Such wise words, that I think I really needed to hear....Thank you Pooh

cremebrulee

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2010, 11:24:40 AM »
Quote
Pooh
I don't know how to tell anyone to get there.  For me, it was self-awareness and talking to male friends.  During my divorce and after, I took a good long look at myself.  I read books, I attended seminars and went on a path of self-discovery.  I was so angry at my ex for how he left and the viciousness he was displaying during the divorce, that I needed to resolve that within myself.  In doing so, I also wanted to know what part I played in the failure of my marriage.  I had several guy friends, and I asked them.  I have a couple that were very forthcoming and told me a lot about how men think.  That was one of the things they said about me.  One told me it would be hard to be married to a woman like me.

First let me say, this was an absolutely beautiful story...thank you

I did the same thing, and someone said the exact same thing to me....counselor even told me I intimidated my husband....

Quote
He said that men needed to feel needed and wanted.  He told me that being very secure and confident was extremely attractive to men, but it had to be tempered with a dose of "need". 


yanno, my counselor told me the same thing, however, she said that the wrong kind of men make it they're career to try and break you, so, she said, be very careful you don't choose another like that.  But, yes, I am understanding what your saying...

Quote
Now, he is a really good person and he followed that with, "I know you had to because of how he was.  I am not saying it was your fault, I am saying that you were with the wrong person.  You needed someone that appreciated you and was grateful for everything you do and wanted to help and carry their share.  You didn't have that."

He was more then just a good person, he was very intune to others, understanding the needs of both genre....

Quote
I had to quit making excuses for what I did and accept the fact that I had done them.  Everything he said was true and I also had to make a conscious decision to change.  It would have been easier to just say, "I am who I am and if someone wants to love me, they have to love me for who I am." 


It was the very same way with me, and when I began to do that, was when most of my questions were answered...you see, it isn't always about the other person, but how we react to them....or at least, that is one of the things I learned....

Quote
But that meant I would have picked someone just like I did the first time.  Someone that didn't care if I took all the responsibility off of them.  In order to be in a healthy, loving relationship, I had to be willing to find a balance in my Independence that allowed room for "allowing" someone to help me.

I get that and can totally relate....however, in my case, my ex controlled me to the hilt...and now, I'm enjoying the independence so much, that I don't think I'd ever be a good companion anymore....?

Quote
"I know you are capable of it, but I would like to do it."  "It was unnecessary to you, but necessary for me.  I was worried and wanted to see for myself, that you were taken care of.  I didn't stay and bother you, but I needed to check on you." 


Sighs....I think I'm in love....LOL...hun, they don't make em like that anymore...oh, they're out there, but finding them is another thing...you are one very lucky lady...he's a keeper!

Quote
"Hey we need quality time," and set everything else aside and do something together.
used to always tell my son, always, always plan special time together, it's so important...

Quote
Is is easy?  Nope.  I still get fussed at for not letting him do something.   I was doing dishes last night and he walked up behind me and said, "Here, let me finish.  You relax."  I immediately went, "I'm almost done.  I got it."  I heard the sigh and turned around and handed him the dish rag.  I kind of grinned sheepishly and went, "Thank you."  The smile on his face was worth every bit of letting go.

OMG, please give that man a great big hug for me...what a special guy...he really loves you, but more so, respects the you of who you are....honest, you don't find that much, and it makes me so happy to read this...I'm almost in tears....happy ones....thank you so much for sharing...

Now where do you live so I can come and borrow him now and then...LOL

Hugs and many blessings sent your way...
Creme

« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 11:27:39 AM by cremebrulee »

Offline Pooh

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2010, 11:49:46 AM »
Lol.  That is what everyone tells me.  My Mom, my girlfriends, even my coworkers try to kidnap him!  I truly know how lucky I am to have found someone like him.  Truth be known, he actually found me.  I had no intention of dating EVER again, let alone marrying.  (Famous last words of someone hurt).

I know he is a rare find nowadays, but I will tell you my opinion on how he got that way.  He had loving parents and the same type of upbringing we talk about (chores, responsibilities, discipline), but he was sandwiched in between 2 sisters (4 kids total) and spent hours with them.  Their story is that they tormented him, making him play girl stuff all the time and as teenagers, bombarded him with girl stories.

His story is that they tormented him, making him play girl stuff all the time and as teenagers, bombarded him with girl stories but that he paid attention because he figured it would help him get dates!  Lol.  He will tell me now that he was a bit of a Romeo, because by listening to his sisters, he figured out what girls wanted in a guy.  It served him well as a teenager, but he also had a bad marriage of 17 years where it was the opposite of what we are talking about.  He ended up being the giver constantly, and she was the taker.  After she left him, he also decided that the next relationship would have to be equal.  So I think growing up closely with his two sisters, he has a lot of insight about women.

Ironic, by his ex being so selfish, and my ex being so selfish, it made us both appreciate each other that much more.  But I think it truly goes deeper than that.  I could tell you things that would make you get goose bumps about us.  For example, we both attended the same concert in 1984, although we lived in different cities.  We hung out at the same places as teenagers. In talking, we have determined that as teenagers, we crossed paths at least 20 times, but never met.  Then after both of us married, never crossed again until he was divorced and I was in the middle of one.  I had a really good friend in school, and I lost track of her after graduation.  I was telling my DH about her about 2 weeks before our wedding and how I had been looking for her for 20 years.  When I told him her name, he looked at me funny and described her perfectly.  He had worked with her for 10 years!  He put me in contact with her and we had a joyous reunion at my wedding!

I know we try not to cross religion into things, but we both truly believe that "A Higher Power" put us back together and said, "OK, kiddos....I tried every way in the world 25 years ago...this is my last shot at it."   The first time he kissed me in the driveway of my house, a shooting star went overhead and I yelled at it, "OK OK....I'm listening!"
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Pooh

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2010, 12:05:24 PM »
And Creme, I keep telling you my wonderful story of my DH and I, not to make you jealous or sad.  I want so much for you to find true love.  I know you keep saying you love your independence, and I understand that.  But I also understand building up brick walls around your heart so that no one ever, ever hurts you again.  I did it for years.  I too have horror stories in my past that are my dragons to slay.  My walls had been up since I was 12.

From reading all your posts in here, I see the courageous woman you are.  I see someone that did anything she had to, to survive.  I see a women full of spirit, wit and compassion for people.  I see you using humor and bluntness to say, "This is me, and I will never let anyone hurt me again."  Where do you think I get my wit from?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2010, 01:38:41 PM »
Such wise words, that I think I really needed to hear....Thank you Pooh

Thank you Sunny.  I love your idea of attending classes with Creme's neighbor.  Great idea!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

cremebrulee

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Re: Need Advice
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2010, 06:54:23 AM »
Lol.  That is what everyone tells me.  My Mom, my girlfriends, even my coworkers try to kidnap him!  I truly know how lucky I am to have found someone like him.  Truth be known, he actually found me.  I had no intention of dating EVER again, let alone marrying.  (Famous last words of someone hurt).

I know he is a rare find nowadays, but I will tell you my opinion on how he got that way.  He had loving parents and the same type of upbringing we talk about (chores, responsibilities, discipline), but he was sandwiched in between 2 sisters (4 kids total) and spent hours with them.  Their story is that they tormented him, making him play girl stuff all the time and as teenagers, bombarded him with girl stories.

His story is that they tormented him, making him play girl stuff all the time and as teenagers, bombarded him with girl stories but that he paid attention because he figured it would help him get dates!  Lol.  He will tell me now that he was a bit of a Romeo, because by listening to his sisters, he figured out what girls wanted in a guy.  It served him well as a teenager, but he also had a bad marriage of 17 years where it was the opposite of what we are talking about.  He ended up being the giver constantly, and she was the taker.  After she left him, he also decided that the next relationship would have to be equal.  So I think growing up closely with his two sisters, he has a lot of insight about women.

Ironic, by his ex being so selfish, and my ex being so selfish, it made us both appreciate each other that much more.  But I think it truly goes deeper than that.  I could tell you things that would make you get goose bumps about us.  For example, we both attended the same concert in 1984, although we lived in different cities.  We hung out at the same places as teenagers. In talking, we have determined that as teenagers, we crossed paths at least 20 times, but never met.  Then after both of us married, never crossed again until he was divorced and I was in the middle of one.  I had a really good friend in school, and I lost track of her after graduation.  I was telling my DH about her about 2 weeks before our wedding and how I had been looking for her for 20 years.  When I told him her name, he looked at me funny and described her perfectly.  He had worked with her for 10 years!  He put me in contact with her and we had a joyous reunion at my wedding!

I know we try not to cross religion into things, but we both truly believe that "A Higher Power" put us back together and said, "OK, kiddos....I tried every way in the world 25 years ago...this is my last shot at it."   The first time he kissed me in the driveway of my house, a shooting star went overhead and I yelled at it, "OK OK....I'm listening!"

Pooh, believe me....I've heard so much about this stuff...destiny, higher power....whatever....?  But it never ceases to amaze me....yanno what I think....well, maybe you don't but your going to hear it anyway...LOL....by the way, I'm grinning from ear to ear.

I think you and your now husband, were meant to be right now in this time, perhaps if you had gotten together before, it wouldn't have been as good....what you both went thru, prepared you for one another....you both became so much more aware....and grown up....think about it....(wink)  ya can't fight mother nature.  LOL  all in her own time....she isn't rushed...is she?  LOL....

I'm so so so soooooooooooo Happy for you....you need to write these things down kep a diary so that this is left for your children to read and learn from....a keepsake and testimoney of happiness and how it should be....

Hugs to you and to hubby....he deserves a great big hug and kiss tonight....
and you girl....deserve every happiness....you go girl!!!!

« Last Edit: August 20, 2010, 06:55:54 AM by cremebrulee »