Author Topic: Helpful book  (Read 2768 times)

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miss_priss

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Helpful book
« on: August 11, 2010, 08:15:22 AM »
When DH and I were going through issues with his mother.  Strangely enough, I discovered this book in a hunting store that my MIL and FIL dragged me into while we were visiting with them.  DH and I both read this book and found it very helpful in learning how to not let her behaviors ruin our lives and our own attitudes.  Maybe you'll find it helpful too. 

Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People
By:  Elizabeth B. Brown

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2010, 08:25:02 AM »
What a great title!  ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

cremebrulee

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2010, 08:44:13 AM »
Miss Priss

thanks so very much....

Offline Pen

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2010, 09:42:55 AM »
When DH and I were going through issues with his mother.  Strangely enough, I discovered this book in a hunting store that my MIL and FIL dragged me into while we were visiting with them.  DH and I both read this book and found it very helpful in learning how to not let her behaviors ruin our lives and our own attitudes.  Maybe you'll find it helpful too. 

Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People
By:  Elizabeth B. Brown

Thanks for the book info, M_P. It looks very interesting.

I do have a couple of questions for you, since my DIL could have used similar language (not re: a hunting store, but perhaps another venue she wasn't interested in?) describing an outing we might have taken her on:

1. Were you really "dragged" to the hunting store? They didn't ask if you wanted to go? If you had said "Not my thing, have fun, see you when you return" that wouldn't have been OK?

2. After you found the great book at the store you were "dragged to" could you not express happiness that your ILs took you there?

We confused and hurt MILs don't know which way is up sometimes. Language and tone are so important.  I know that my DIL has gone along on jaunts with us, with complete willingness, only to comment rudely about it later. Sometimes, though, she'll express pleasure about an outing to others (never to us.) I understand your MIL has major issues, so I'm not really comparing our situations, just looking for clarity.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

miss_priss

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2010, 11:07:10 AM »
Actually Pen - I didn't have a lot of choice, besides to just stand outside on the sidewalk.  DH and I were riding with them in their car to a wedding and MIL and FIL saw a sign or a new hunting store and just HAD to stop.  This wasn't the only stop they just "had" to make on our trip, we also "had" to stop at a "beef jerky outlet," a JR's Cigarette Outlet, and a fabric/craft store....all of which were not discussed or even mentioned before we left on this trip...we thought we were driving straight to a certain destination.  I was tired, baby was tired, and MIL took the keys with her so we had no AC....what was I supposed to do?  Sit in the car with a tired, hot, and cranky newborn?  It was nearly 90 outside!  So yes, Pen, I was proverbially "dragged" into that store, and several others as well.    DH eventually asked her if she could come back to these stores another time, and she kept insisting "oh I only need one little thing, we'll be in and out!"  And yes, please pardon me for not jumping for joy because I found a good book.  Although it was a helpful read, my finding that book did not really "better" that dreadful trip and I would be lying if I said it did.

I apologize for my attitude, it's not been a great day.  Today is my 30th birthday, and I received an email from my SIL this morning titled "Happy Birthday, to my FAVORITE sister in law."  Her opening line was "Well well, the fates have graced us with yet another miserable year with you, and another year of misery without my darling brother.  I hope you're having an absolutely terrific day!"  I'll spare you the rest, but I'm sure you get the point, it was more of the same.   :-\  This email was a "forward" of an email where my MIL had emailed my SIL, full of lies and conveniently "incomplete truths," and "woe is me, my son kicked me out, they're keeping my grandchild from me, I did nothing to deserve this, I'm the victim, BLAH BLAH BLAH."  She conveniently left out all the cursing she did, the screaming at my DH (in front of our child), her calling him names, calling me names, etc.  We cut her off and are better off for it.  I am so sick of this, and it is killing me not to reply to this email...so I decided to breathe about it, pray about it, and came here to the "wise" women instead for some positive interaction.         

I was trying to have a better day, I've been doing so well with all of this lately, with the encouragement of this site and the wonderful people here...now I know it was the wrong place to come to.  I simply posted about a good book that I thought might be helpful, I didn't post to have my "tone" picked apart, not in this thread anyway.  Feel free to do that later, I can handle it with grace on any other day, but please not today.         

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2010, 11:18:38 AM »
Happy Birthday to Yooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu! I mean it! Please remember that this site is a "take what you want and leave the rest" place. You have been given love and understanding here...and I am sending more!  ;D ;D ;D
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2010, 11:25:33 AM »
P.S.: I would also like to add...that's why I don't carpool with anyone. Some of us can ask for the keys to run the AC and for others of us, it is harder. I know that no one can make us a victim, we do that...but we were all born with different temperaments. Some challenge others easily and set limits without stress. I'm not one of them.   

So, beyond all of that, what's up for your birthday?
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

miss_priss

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2010, 11:50:33 AM »
Probably just poopie diapers and some cuddle time with DD.  It's just a day really.  A little more emotional now, but still just a day.  I can fight the urge to reply to her email, easy enough.  But I can't seem to shake off the anger today.  I don't know, this is just weird for me.  She's sent me numerous similar emails in the past, and I take them with a grain of salt and let them go.  I don't know why today has to be different, but it is.  I called DH, and he says he will take care of it, that should be enough for me to just let it go, but somehow its just not today.  Its very frustrating.

Thank you Luise - for the encouragement.  Your words always seem to make me feel better, and that's why I keep coming back here. 

I'm sorry that I took that out on you, Pen.  My words to you were out of anger and frustration, and I am sorry.  I know you meant well.   


cremebrulee

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2010, 12:11:38 PM »
Probably just poopie diapers and some cuddle time with DD.  It's just a day really.  A little more emotional now, but still just a day.  I can fight the urge to reply to her email, easy enough.  But I can't seem to shake off the anger today.  I don't know, this is just weird for me.  She's sent me numerous similar emails in the past, and I take them with a grain of salt and let them go.  I don't know why today has to be different, but it is.  I called DH, and he says he will take care of it, that should be enough for me to just let it go, but somehow its just not today.  Its very frustrating.

Thank you Luise - for the encouragement.  Your words always seem to make me feel better, and that's why I keep coming back here. 

I'm sorry that I took that out on you, Pen.  My words to you were out of anger and frustration, and I am sorry.  I know you meant well.   

It's NOT JUST A DAY, its the day YOU WERE BORN!

Happy happy birthday lady!!!!!

ignore that woman and sister in law, they're trying to ruin your day, don't let them do that to you....and your allowed to be upset.....however, don't let them take your day from you

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birrrrrrrthday to you!!!!!!

we love ya girl


miss_priss

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2010, 12:33:07 PM »
Thanks Creme.  :)

cadagi101

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2010, 06:47:35 PM »
I can't understand..just can't understand how sil, mil, dm, df db, ds, gf,gm, da da da can be so nasty it is beyond me..what's in it for them.    Happy Birthday MP and I get so much out of your posts, you are indeed a "wise woman"

Offline Pen

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2010, 09:36:53 PM »
M_P, I'm so sorry. You have had quite a time with these insensitive people. Thank you for clearing up my questions, and you have nothing to apologize for. Happy birthday, dear M_P! I hope you can treat yourself to something fabulous in the next day or so. Love you!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Pooh

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2010, 06:41:56 AM »
Miss Priss....so sorry I missed your birthday yesterday.  Happy Happy Late Birthday!!!!!!

I know we always say (me included) to not respond to emails and be the better person...but all I could think about when I read what happened to you was "enough is enough".  It's obvious no matter what you do, that SIL is a big ole' witch!!!!  So I would have had to respond with:

"Thank you....it has been wonderful.....and you are very welcome!"
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

miss_priss

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2010, 08:23:47 AM »
Thanks all - for the birthday wishes.

When I got home from work last night, DH asked to read the email, so I showed it to him.  He was boiling over it, but said "I'll handle it."  After he cooled off about an hour later, he called her.  For 30 minutes she talked to him like nothing ever happened, and when he brought it up...she first said "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't send her any email."  And she stood by that claim for like 10 minutes!  Finally, he got her to admit that she sent the email, but then she made it sound like we "misread" her tone, and she claimed she was "just doing something nice, by wishing me a happy birthday.  I'll never do THAT again!"  She turned it around and acted like she had done something NICE!!!!  I can't believe this woman!  Finally, she went from that to "well, someone has to give her a reality check.  She has torn you from our family, and its time you opened your eyes."  Finally, she admitted she wrote me a nasty email.  (What is wrong with this woman?!?!)  DH told her to stop trying to contact us, and to join his mother in the "cutoff club" until her attitude and behavior improves. 

I should just copy and paste her email here for everyone to read.  It was awful.  What is wrong with these people?   

Then, this morning...his other sister calls me and tells me that the "meanie sister" posted our daughter's picture on a "cute baby contest" website.  I may would have done this myself, true, with validation and research of the website's reputation (we posted her picture on Gerber's "New Gerber Baby" contest website once).  But for an aunt to do this without asking the parents isn't acceptable to me.  We keep her pictures very private, we mail hard copy prints to family members (including his) every month, and only post certain ones on facebook that DH and I both agree on, and we take them down after a while.  We just don't want a lot of pictures of her floating around the internet, there are some sick and twisted people out there!

DH is supposedly taking care of that issue right now.   

 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Helpful book
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2010, 09:09:19 AM »
One very wonderful thing is DH. You are so lucky to have him. Many of us don't have that kind of support. He was so proactive to get her past never having sent the email to wasn't it nice to admitting the truth. Sending love...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher