Author Topic: A mother is always a mother  (Read 7614 times)

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lostone

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #45 on: September 09, 2009, 09:28:48 AM »
Thanks Just2be.  I hope and pray God has a miracle in store for me, but until then I have to accept that I have lost 2 1/2 years of their life that I will never get back. My granddaughter turned 2 last Saturday and I have been pretty sensitive lately.  I'm doing all I can not to let this ruin my life - because I do not have control over anyone or anything but my attitude.  You made me tear up when you said my son must love me because that is the one thought that keeps holding me back.  To loose him is one thing to think he could hate me is quite another.  I hope your right, in my heart I can't believe he truly hates me though his actions say otherwise.  Deep in my heart I know that he loved me once and that he knows I love him still.  One day he will have to deal with that.  I just hope I am still around to know it.  Thanks again Just2be

AnnieB

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #46 on: September 09, 2009, 09:50:45 AM »
I think the poster was just very young and unable to empathize outside of her situation yet, emphasis on "yet".    Some read our posts with an expectation of what we are saying that has little to do with what we are going through.   I think it has to do with maturity, and that isn't necessarily something age related or whether the poster is a MIL or DIL.   

I know I've been there...some things are difficult to understand unless you have something to relate them to.  That's why, to me, this board is such a blessing!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #47 on: September 09, 2009, 08:36:50 PM »
And we can always go back to getting that any remark is just that poster's point of view. It isn't a fact. It isn't written in stone. And it can either be taken into consideration or ignored.The choice is ours. For me at least, being reactive is painful. I see it as me giving that other person power.

For instance: My eldest son is dead and he was married to the DIL from Hell. We had a rocky relationship and he died at 52 with it unresolved. No one can tell me how I should feel about that. They can only tell me how they feel about how they think I feel. Much can be lost in the translation. I can respect whoever presents an observation but I have no obligation to respect what's said...or respond.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I'll try again tomorrow." -- Mary Ann Radmacher

SunnyDays09

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #48 on: September 10, 2009, 06:11:43 AM »
Thanks Just2be.  I hope and pray God has a miracle in store for me, but until then I have to accept that I have lost 2 1/2 years of their life that I will never get back. My granddaughter turned 2 last Saturday and I have been pretty sensitive lately.  I'm doing all I can not to let this ruin my life - because I do not have control over anyone or anything but my attitude.  You made me tear up when you said my son must love me because that is the one thought that keeps holding me back.  To loose him is one thing to think he could hate me is quite another.  I hope your right, in my heart I can't believe he truly hates me though his actions say otherwise.  Deep in my heart I know that he loved me once and that he knows I love him still.  One day he will have to deal with that.  I just hope I am still around to know it.  Thanks again Just2be

So glad you are back lostone. 
   Does it help to know someone else goes thru the same pain?  I truly know what you are dealing with.  Although you are more at peace with your sadness while I have mine tied up and duct taped, I understand. 
   It is quite the shock.  It's been over five years that I have seen/spoken to them.  Never met their child.  I don't even know how old she is. 
   I am hoping for that miracle for you, too!  (((hugs)))

lostone

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #49 on: September 10, 2009, 02:05:41 PM »
HappyDays09 - it does help to know I am not alone but sad to know others have had to deal with this unbelievable pain.  I have had a few wake up calls this year that made me realize I had to find a way to deal with my pain instead of continuing to stuff it.  I walked around like a saturated sponge who leaked at the slightest offense, memory, thought, etc.  I was alowing this situation to torture me, ruin my other relationships with my other sons, and my husband whom have been so supportive.  I have always been a survivor and had to finally admit this was kicking my butt.  I needed help and have kept looking for ways out of the pain.  I finally decided to love myself the way I love others.  Mothers get such a bad rapp I think.  We are critisized if we don't do enough or if we do too much.  Yet, the perfect amount changes without warning.  All we can do is our best and then we need to pat ourselves on the back, hold up our heads, and move forward (even if our hearts are broken).  I would not take back one moment of time spent with my son or one ounce of love.  My only regret is that I spent over a year blaming myself.  I hope for a miracle for you as well.

just2baccepted

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #50 on: September 10, 2009, 03:01:43 PM »
I hesitate posting this, I don't want to offend anyone, but I wonder if the sadness/depression doesn't get better then maybe you should consider an anti deppressent at least for awhile until you start feeling better.  I'm not even saying that I would do that, I'm just saying that could be an option if you don't feel better soon.  I have taken them before and they do help emotionally but they do have side effects that I coudln't stand (weight gain)

lostone

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Re: A mother is always a mother
« Reply #51 on: September 10, 2009, 03:22:55 PM »
I understand and agree - life is too short not to weigh all options.